At wits end with my 13 y/o

[rattlesnake]

Ok, this is a long one! Took my 13 y/o DS out of school a year ago to home-school him, he was on the brink of being expelled anyway for behavioural problems (disruptive, non-cooperative etc) plus I wasn't happy with the way the school were handling things...bad communication, non consistent rules etc. I intended to get him into another local school..but his current school gave him such a bad report that the other school wouldn't take him! (it went to appeal..I lost) Since then, I have enrolled 3 private tutors and stayed home myself to help him work (he's still studying some GCSE choices). In the past couple of months, he's become really cocky and will not do as he's told especially with regard to playstation time (and he gets plenty !!) He is verbally abusive, orders me out of the room, and refuses to stop playing! After calmly asking several times and giving plenty of time (an hour! ) to finish.. I turn off the internet. He goes bonkers!! Picking up chairs, running at me. So...I shout at him to stop...then he says he's calling child line, I'm being an abusive Mum by shouting at him...this is happening all too often. Tonight, I confiscated the playstation. He tells me he wants to see someone about moving out! ...at my wits end :( (Dad is not around btw)

[Kit1411]

Hi, didn’t want to read and run, I don’t have a lot of advice so I’m really hoping someone else will be able to offer some, but I’m just wondering if trying to get him into something like karate, kick-Boxing etc would help release a little anger, the instructor would possibly be a male and someone for him to look up to which might be good for him as he’ll learn to respect his elders more. Also regular breaks when he’s learning might help. Are you into fitness? Maybe have a run together in the mornings before learning might help with clearing his head. Good luck, sounds like you’re doing a great job, hope someone can give you a bit more advice.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

Agree with trying to get him to do some exercise daily, but not sure how you will do it.

What do you say when he says he’s going to call Childline?

Did you know there is Parentline which you can call?

[BarbarianMum]

Exercise is good. I would say he gets the Play Station only when he's done all the studying/exercise/ clubs/chores he needs to do for the day. Let him call childline and complain, ditto "seeing someone about moving out".

[BarbarianMum]

Did you ever get to the root of the behavioural problems at school?

[Dadofdylan]

I use //www.kidipoints.com to set Rewards they get for earning points, or taken off for being naughty, my 12 year old is high energy, plays football at a high level and runs for the County, if not getting exercise he would be bouncing off the Walls like a 1 year old German Shepherd. If really naughty, the Playstation gets sanctioned for a Month, makes them find other things to do.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

rattle are you coming back?

[rattlesnake]

I'm back. Thanks so much for your advice. Things have been a lot calmer this week. We have talked a lot, and come to an agreement about time spent in front of screen etc. I've volunteered him to be dog-walker for my friends dog. He needs to take her out twice a day for a good long walk, he seems to like this idea so far. As for the childline thingy...last time he did that, I asked him to read me the number out and I'd dial for him! He ran upstairs. Will see how it goes.

[rattlesnake]

Also, I have to watch what exercise he does as he suffers from reflux. Can't to anything too crazy :(

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

How well managed is his reflux? Does he ever complain?

There is still plenty of exercise he can get, rock climbing, hockey,, long walks, cycling or even Cricket.

Are yiu part of a local Home-Ed group and are you on the Home-Ed Board? A local group might meet up for local trips or exercise.

How is he now? Have yiu changed anything after reading the suggestions?

I’d be interested to know the answer to Barbarian’s question too

[rattlesnake]

It was hard to get to the root of the behavioural problem as it was terribly managed and I had lots of run-in's with school. According to him, lessons were chaotic and boring and "everyone else messed around too". I did get the impression that the school was mis-managed and teachers were coming and going almost weekly. Several other parents complained and moved their children in the short time we were there. We did try and get involved with home-ed groups but never really gelled wth anyone in our area. Friendships and social don't seem to be a prob as he has kept in touch with old school friends (although most of the time is spent in one or the others house). His reflux is managed with meds and diet...and as long as he doesn't go on a junk food binge, it's under control. I'm balancing between biting my tongue at the moment and trying to motivate him with other stuff as much as I can. Hopefully soon I will hit on something that he wants to do!

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

I don’t think the school helped but I don’t think they are to blame for his behavioural problems either. Lots of kids go to appalling schools and manage without getting into much trouble.

[Lily2007]

It maybe worth calling your LEA and asking to speak to their school exclusions team. They should be able to point you in the direction of help if not arrange it such as a school that will take him and behaviour support teachers.

Also maybe worth a trip to GP to get referred to child psychologist to have him assessed for any underlying conditions, there may not be any but if there are you will be able to better access the right help. You maybe better getting him back into school to get more help.

[GiraffesAreNotShort]

rattle, there is a specific teenagers board where you may find more help than the behaviour and development board www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers

there are lots of other threads with teens and behavioural issues. It can also be comforting to know that you are not alone