My almost 2 year old is really pushing me.. Help needed!

[KayR26]

So my son is two in a couple of months. For the last six months-ish he has really been testing us. He knows I am the 'softer' parent. He won't nap for me, but will if his Dad takes him. When I try, I get screaming and sobbing, whereas he lays straight down and goes off no problem for his Dad! He will get so tired from refusing to nap that he then just whinges and whines and plays up, yet he still won't sleep. If my Mom or sister in law have him for the day, he will nap no problem for an hour or more! I have to get him in the car in the end as he falls asleep before we get out of the road so I can regain some sanity.

He has slept through since 6months old. Always been an early riser (5.30-6) and changing bedtime makes no difference to that. He was poorly a couple of weeks back with an ear infection which he would wake in the night hot and unwell. He's now better but still wakes in the night sobbing. I don't know how to reset him?!

Not only the sleep issue - he is getting worse and worse with eating. He has never been a great eater, but lately he literally goes a whole day only eating one bite of toast, maybe half a strawberry and one spoonful of yoghurt. I've tried him with all sorts of new things as well as usual failsafe options. However, when I pick him up from nursery they say he eats fine on the days he goes. If he's with my Mom, he eats normal.. it's just us. It makes me feel embarrassed, worried and frustrated that it's just us that he won't eat and sleep for, like we are doing something wrong?

He has become super clingy to me, wants to be picked up all of the time and constantly asks for 'cuddles' in order to get his own way. He has so many strops if I say no to something. I don't crack or pander to him, but they're really getting us stressed and down. We don't want him to become this little brat that seems spoiled demanding things from us left right and centre!

Any help/advice/reassurance is eagerly anticipated. I'm losing the will to live!

[Lovebehindthefool]

Ok, just some reassurance! You are his mum and he totally takes you for granted because you are his safe person who will always be there. I am constantly being told that my daughter (2.5yrs) is “the happiest, smiliest girl, oh wow I’ve never seen her cry” by my family. Er yeah she does bloody cry! And tantrum and squeal in a rage! Only with me though. She is also clingy with me. Sometimes I just have to shut the baby gate and leave her wailing after me whilst I cook dinner. Or strap her into her high chair with some colours!
She also eats bloody everything for everyone else. I tend to just put the food in front of her and if she eats then great but if not that’s also ok. It’s her choice. The more fuss I make the worse she gets.

I’m not enjoying this age at all at the moment so I feel your pain. I hear the word “no” to everything, even stuff she loves! I’m actually trying to avoid saying no at the moment in order to diffuse things. For example instead of “no you can’t have that chocolate” I try to say “let’s eat this apple instead”. Of course she says no but doesn’t lose it quite so much with me.

So, all perfectly normal and I’m hoping this is just a phase!

[KayR26]

Thank you so much - it is definitely reassuring to know it's a normal phase. Knowing there will be an end to it at some point keeps me going!!

[MaryLizzie]

Please don’t feel you’re doing anything wrong - you’re not. As parents, our kids know our love and support is unconditional and so they test the boundaries more than they do with other people. This is a good thing - it means that he is comfortable and happy with you.

As regards the eating, I sympathise completely. My oldest was dreadful with eating - she would throw food across the room and refuse to eat. It got to a point where the only way to get her to eat was to make her tea and without eye contact (this made her throw food!) leave her food for her on the side in the front room where she could get at it and she would eat it in her own terms. I was so worried this would be spoiling her but really the most important thing is that she is actually eating so I put my morals beside. lol. This worked.

She is now 7. She is smart, healthy and eats loads. These things do pass!! 😊

Best of luck to you - you are doing a fab job!

[KayR26]

Thank you MaryLizzie, that means a lot! Some days I go to bed feeling defeated by this tiny human and it can really take its toll.

I worry so much about whether I am doing things right and if I am giving him the best I can. Your reassurance gives me hope that one day I will look back and wonder why I worried as he will be just fine (fingers crossed!)

[Imaginosity]

Sounds very normal to me - especially for such a little child. You might want to get used to it though and not take it personally - my 6 year old is an perfect at school and at other people's houses - but shows his true colours at home - 'street angel, house devil'

[MaryLizzie]

It will pass. Just try to have fun with eating and make it a Non-confrontational time. Preparing the meal together also makes them feel empowered and lots of praise.

Best of luck!