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how can i encourage my kids to be kinder to each other

(4 Posts)
whycantshestaylonger Thu 07-Dec-17 14:28:51

DS (7) and DD (3) seem to be at loggerheads most of the time at the moment. In the brief moments where they get along it is so lovely, then it all descends into chaos the minute one wants what the other one has got or irritates the other.

DS is finding this particularly hard to deal with & rather than asking nicely for whatever toy he wants, he either snatches it or gets right in her face and shouts at her. And is constantly tittle tattling "SHE did this, SHE did that..." and winding her up saying "haha I've got xyz and you haven't". Now DD is starting to copy him, and he hates it being done back to him - so the instant they fall out they are both screaming & yelling at each other - its awful. I've tried asking them calmly & gently to be kind to one another, I demonstrate the nice way to speak to each other, have put them on the naughty step and have also tried confiscating favourite toys but nothing seems to be making any sort of difference. Even the presence of our Christmas Elf isn't helping - I'd got all sorts of little treats planned & can't possibly give them until they start being nicer to each other. Can anyone help with any tips or advice? I'm at my wits end, and sometimes don't know if I should intervene or just leave them to it - but DD being so much younger I don't feel I can.

PukousMucous Sat 09-Dec-17 18:53:28

My two are 5 and 3 but with a similar sounding dynamic. I read somewhere recently that they did some study that showed 75% of sibling arguments don't happen if the parents aren't there.
Since reading that I have left them to it a bit more and actually found that they still bicker but it burns out quickly and then they move on. They don't hold grudges either so once it's done it's all over. When I intervene it inevitably lasts longer and escalates quicker.
The fact that there are some good times, however short seems promising, they do want to play together.

bingebiscuiteater Sun 10-Dec-17 00:46:49

when they compete on wanting the same thing, why dont you buy two?

whycantshestaylonger Mon 11-Dec-17 00:24:45

bingebiscuiteater because I can't have two of every single toy/game/dvd/object in my house! they argue over everything & surely the answer isn't to get them one each of everything but to help them learn how to take turns or ask each other kindly.

thankyou PukousMucous perhaps I need to stand back a little more. I do try to where possible, but it often ends with DD hitting or scratching DS which I don't feel I can ignore. Do yours hit? How do you respond to that? I put her on the step immediately for any physical violence, however it often turns out its in retaliation after being provoked by DS & while I dont condone her actions I understand it!

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