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Behaviour/development

Clingy baby, getting to much

4 replies

MummaCait · 03/12/2017 18:42

My DD is just 10 months and has become a complete brat. I understand 100% babies need their mothers, but I can't even go to the toilet without her throwing a severe temper tantrum, and screaming the house down. Leaving a room for a split second sends her into meltdown and I dont know what to do anymore. Ive tried everything including a goodbye routine so she knows I'm going out of the room for a second. But she just ends up screaming. If she doesnt get what she wants she does the same thing. I feel like a bad mother and that she is turning into a brat at such a young age i don't know what to do anymore... :(

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skankingpiglet · 03/12/2017 22:45

Ok... so she's not a brat. 10mo babies can't be brats, they are by nature highly dependent and needy which isn't surprising as they have only been out in the world a very short time and are not only just trying to make sense of it, they are incapable of doing much for themselves even if they knew how. You are also in the prime 'separation anxiety' period. She's realised you can leave the room but doesn't understand you will come back, can't follow you if stair-gated in/not on the move yet, and has a fairly rubbish understanding of how much/little time has passed.

You can help the anxiety with loads of games of peekaboo, working up to doing it around door frames etc and leaving it longer between appearances. Plenty of cuddles and reassurance. Can you not take her to the loo with you? I know it's nice to poo in peace but it's a luxury for most parents, and totally normal to have them in with you.
I've found my DCs became a bit happier to be left once they started walking, as they were too busy in their own exploration, but at 3.5yo and 17mo mine will still usually follow me around the house unless Justin Fletcher's on TV.

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MummaCait · 04/12/2017 14:33

I've been trying that, I know she has separation anxiety, and I understand it's hard for them, but when I'm sat in the same room and she screams because she wants to be picked up 24/7 isn't fair on her or me. I've been playing games when it comes to leaving the room and it only makes it worse. And when it comes to going to the toilet, we have barely enough room for an adult let alone having a baby too, she'll end up hurting herself. I dont mean to call her a brat but its the way she acts with it all, she seems to think she rules me, which of course she does, its just hard.

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skankingpiglet · 04/12/2017 18:07

It is very hard. I'm not unsympathetic at all, my eldest was very high needs and stuck like velcro to me for the first year. It's exhausting when you have to constantly carry them around with you and I'd be waiting by the door for DH to return home so I could pass him the baby. I got very good at doing things one handed! I also used to use the rare minutes she napped to do things like make us a sandwich for lunch so I didn't have to listen to her scream whilst I made them. I did fuck all housework during the day as it was impossible, and got out of the house as much as I could as she was easier at baby groups. I also used to wear her in a sling around the house so I could have arms back.

Ultimately I think you just mostly have to give in at this point as the screaming is stressful for everyone, and it really is a phase which will pass (even if you've still got a few more months to go). You won't make her into a spoiled brat by 'giving in' to this.

On the specific toilet example: our downstairs loo is tiny. Narrow door, tiny corner sink. The door only just misses the loo as it opens/shuts and isn't able to fully open as the sink is in the way. I just leave the door open when home alone with the DCs so they can squeeze into the small gap in front of my knees on the threshold (usually also accompanied by the cat too. What can I say, I'm popular...). Better than trying to usher them all in and shut the door!

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MummaCait · 04/12/2017 22:20

I'd never even thought of a baby harness! I may purchase one and see how it goes, id rather that than carry her in my arms as I'm a weakling aha, and unfortunately its just me so I'm doing it all solo, no free time at all unless DD sleeps. But thankyou fkr the advice!