Do you put your 12 year old to bed?

[Goodluckjonathan76]

Just that really. Does/should a 12 year old boy brush their teeth and get themselves to bed independently or does/should a parent help them?

[Somethingfantastic89]

What do you mean by help? Put toothpaste on the toothbrush kind of help?

[Goodluckjonathan76]

Escort him to bathroom, watch him brush his teeth, accompany to bedroom, sit chatting for 20 mins, supervise reading, kisses and sit with him until he falls asleep.

[Somethingfantastic89]

My DS is 10 and I only do the chatting and kissing him goodnight part. He does everything else by himself. I don't wait for him to fall asleep (same with my 8 yo). So I don't think a 12 yo needs all that help at bedtime, they should be able to manage. Unless there are specific issues that cause the need, of course.

[yasmin05]

My 8y/o would still want a little chat before she goes to bed but most of the time she just gives me kiss and a big hug and then manage to sleep on her own.

[Erica891]

I have twins 5 y/o and at such age I still do. They love to hear stories before bedtime and I usually wait for them to fall asleep.

[Codlet]

My DS is 12. I say to him ‘right DS, time for bed’. He goes upstairs (after some prevaricating), gets into his pyjamas and brushes his teeth, comes back down for a goodnight kiss, then goes back up to bed.

But if child and parent both want a bit more supervision and closeness I don’t see a problem with the routine you describe. I’d do that with my DS if he seemed to want or need my involvement.

[Bella8]

At 12 years of age he should certainly do it all himself.

[Bella8]

Obviously it depends on the given child's needs though...most children will do it themselves at this age but it doesn't mean every child will.

[Goodluckjonathan76]

Thanks al. Just wondered how independent they typically are at this age.

[RB68]

They might still need "encouragement" but don't need you right behind them reminding them of the routine UNLESS they have never had that e.g. a foster child from an neglected background that is on his first foster family might need more involvement.

[corythatwas]

I'd say normally you'd expect them to be able to do all of that, but if you all like the closeness of a story and sitting by the bedside, then there's nothing wrong with it. Ds at that age would have hated it; dd might have liked it. Escorting to the bathroom sounds a bit OTT though.

[Goodluckjonathan76]

Thanks all. I was asking about DSS. He does seem to want this level of involvement but to me it seems a bit odd, especially with DH hovering around whilst he brushes his teeth which I don't do with my DSs who are 9 and 7. I send them to the bathroom and expect them to get on with it although do still sit with them and read to them at bedtime. Maybe I shouldn't. Guess I just thought that by 12 then would do most themselves with less parental involvement.

[corythatwas]

There are all sorts of reasons why a child might want additional parental involvement, just like there are all sorts of reasons why you might perform all sorts of loving services for a stressed or ailing spouse that they are actually perfectly capable of performing for themselves.

I have run a household for over 30 years: I am well capable of making myself a cup of tea. But dh still brings me one in the mornings. It's not about infantilising me; it's a statement of affection.

Sometimes I think we focus so much on our children reaching set milestones by a set time that we forget that they are also human beings.

Of course there is no knowing why your dss and your dh have this particular evening routine. It could be that he is genuinely helpless, it could equally be that he simply wants that little bit of extra closeness with his dad (particularly if he is not the resident parent), or it could be that his dad wants the extra closeness. In the latter case, all you would have to hope is that his dad backs off when his ds needs it.

[Utsh]

I have a 12 year old son who wants his Dad to chat and put him to sleep every night. Is this normal? The two if us don't have time to chat before we sleep but it's never an issue for him to walk over to my son's bedroom.

[CPtart]

Mine showers/baths himself. Sorts own supper, teeth, bag ready for school and bed. I go up give a kiss and cuddle (which I love) and leave him to read for a bit. Sometimes he likes a bit of a chat but sitting while he goes asleep? Never gone down that road, even as a baby. Always always from being tiny, door shut, lights out.
Has been away with school, scouts etc numerous times so has had to learn to be independant.

[moonmaker]

My 11 and 12 year old girls organise themselves . I may have to remind them but they do their bedtime routine independently as well as getting up for school , sorting out uniform , breakfast , lunches and getting the bus. Sometimes the 11 yr old likes a bedtime chat and snuggle and I try to fit this in as much as a I can but also have a 1 year old who is very full on !

[BarbarianMum]

Does he live with you full time? Sounds kike he wants some 1:1 gime with his dad.

[BarbarianMum]

Oh ffs!

some one to one time with his dad

[CheapSausagesAndSpam]

God no. My older DD has been doing it herself since she was about 8-9.

[Witchend]

It depends so much on the child.
Dd1 and dd2 were pretty independent except brushing teeth by about 5yo. They didn't want help, and were reading their own story.
Ds is 10yo and he'd like someone to come upstairs with him if there's no one else up, and he still likes a story time for me. I think, as someone else said, it's a bit of undisturbed 1-2-1 time for him. He quite likes to brush and plait my hair while I'm reading, and we choose stories that we both like and talk about them afterwards. Sometimes I'll sit with him as he falls asleep.
The girls would have asked me to go so they could read undisturbed at half his age.