2.5 old acting clingy AGAIN!! Relapsed/ regressed clingy behavior??

[Hopingmamma]

Hi, I am desperately seeking advice on toddler clinginess relapse. My little girl has always been very attached to me and went through an EXTREME clingy phase from around 17 months to 2 years age. Then she gradually got better, would play independently and would go to almost anyone. She had some hiccupps here and there (preschool) but she was generally doing fine and thriving as a kid. Then since past one month, things have gone downhill like crazy! My daughter wants only me, doesn't even let me go to the washroom, cries if I leave the room, does not let her daddy bathe or feed her, does not go to any familiar faces (except me my hubby and her grandparents), has been resisting preschool like anything- everyday is a cryig fest and does not play on her own at all. It has become impossible to do anything in the house. There have been no major changes in our lives as such. Also I get live feed of her school and she seems to be doing fine there too-just a little withdrawn for first 10 minutes after the drop off. Everybody tells me it is just a phase but she did go through one such phase already!!!! WHy again? and why me? I see ALL kids her age have outgrown this phase and are little independent toddlers who obviously want to be close to mama but do not act like a clingy baby. WHy my girl? and for how long?!! It is impossible for me to not get stressed.

[Mamabear4180]

I don't know why but it may be she is picking up on some anxiety. How do you handle it? It is normal to be clingy at 2.5 but to the point of not being able to use the bathroom is a bit much. Are there any other issues in her behaviour or any recent changes? When did she start pre school?

[Hopingmamma]

She started preschool in june, after initial resistance, went there just fine. Lately she asks me to pick her up and call her 'baby'. At times she says she is a big girl and as if she is scared at the thiught, she says she is mumma's baby. Has been whining in the morning and after i pick her up from daycare (she goes there for 3 hrs after school. Since july).
Can you elaborate what you mean by she is 'picking up' some anxiety? I was very short with her initially as I just couldn't bear the thought of another clingy phase. But I read and guess best way to deal with it is to be calm and show her affection.
There is one development- since last 3 days, she has been going to her friend's place to play on her own. She tells me that I can pick her later. Once she went on car ride with my friend saying that she will come back later. I am appalled at her fluctuating behavior. What gives!

[Mamabear4180]

It's totally normal to be afraid of growing up and then to want to be grown up, if it's extreme there may be underlying reasons.

What I meant about your anxiety is do you allow her to be a baby when she wants to be or do you show anxiety about her behaviour?

She does a lot for a 2.5 year old, pre school and daycare too. It may well be the pre school still feels new, especially after the summer break. It can take a while at that age.

I suspect that she has happy recent memories of being mumma's baby and wants reassurance she still is that too. It's ok to be both and she's still very little. My DD is nearly 3 and doesn't yet go to pre school. She's still very cuddly, whines a fair bit and seems 'babyish' but is also starting to play really well on her own and starting to get more grown up. (she has ASD though so there's some developmental delay but I also have an older DD who was similar at 2 and 3. In fact DD1 never really had tantrums until she started nursery and did get more clingy for a while).

[Hopingmamma]

Thank you so much for replying. Makes me feel less alone.

You are right that she might be sensing my anxiety as I get SUPER NERVOUS when she shows clingy behaviour. I try not to show it but at times it just shows either through my temper or my sighs.

I do not understand if there can be an underlying issue because she was VERY independent since around 23 months to 29 months. She would go to anybody, play on her own, wander around the house all day long. But her regression is worrying me. I don't know. My husband says I am overthinking this all and that I should just relax and give it some time. My sister too feels it is perfectly normal. I sometimes feel that I should talk to a therapist/ child psychologist. She does show some signs of independence here and there like playing on her own when someone is around, going to a friend's place for an hour or two everyday. Its like she is oscillating.