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Loneliness is a killer

(10 Posts)
Clareeey Wed 15-Nov-17 14:27:59

Well, here i am, not sure if this message will get read/shared or posted but here goes. I can't believe how many things have changed since i gave birth to my first child, the most noticeable change was the loneliness. Oh my god, it is so so lonely being a mother. The friends i thought i had have gone or they don't bother texting.

is it wrong to wake up and feel incredibly alone and sad. I gave up work to look after my babies who are 2 and half and 1 and half, i worked full time, 7 days a week, was always out and about, loved going to parties and socialising and than boom, it just seemed to have stop overnight.

i can go without speaking to no-one for a week sometimes. Whenever i try to engage in conversation, people always point me to the mother/toddler/coffee mornings, but to be honest, that has never been my thing. I did resort to it, and found it to be quite uncomfortable and quite clicky and to be honest, i do find myself to be quite a loner. Is there mothers out there like me, or is it just me?

I love my babies very much and i am very lucky to stay at home and watch there development, but sometimes, it would be nice if i can talk to someone, anyone. when my partner comes home, i take a 10 min walk. That is my time alone. i honestly feel trapped, i have no where to go, i can't exactly pick up the phone and pop over to a friends house, because i have no-one. Most of the time, when i am alone, i cry. Am i alone here, or am i just feeling sorry for myself?

I am not one to go on social media, i.e. facebook but the last few weeks i have, and again, i see people out with there friends, going out, doing something, and it just makes me feel worse.

Please, if there is anyone out there in the same boat, you are not alone.

OP’s posts: |
buckyou Wed 15-Nov-17 14:37:04

Sorry you are feeling like this.sad. I have similar age children and I know what you mean to an extent.

Could you go back to work? I've just gone back part time after number two and find it's a nice balance of babies and me time!

How is your relationship with your partner? Could you get a sitter and go out together to reconnect?

Clareeey Wed 15-Nov-17 14:45:09

My relationship is as good as can be, he works long hours. Again, because his hours are long, i can't go back to work yet, as no company wants to hire a woman who has to work around there partners hours.

It is so hard to lead a balanced life, it just feels, i am trapped and every time, i go forward, i bounce straight back. I never thought in my life now, it would be this hard or so so lonely. I think that is the nail biter there. Just having no one to talk too AT ALL, i am now virtually a recluse, although i do take my babies out every single day, but the interaction between other mum's is quite hard and i don't know why, i guess they have there cliques which is understandable, mums don't really have a chance.
I just wish..... i wish there was someone there for me, to listen to me, someone to laugh with and have a decent conversation which doesn't involve, 'Trolls, Frozen...' lol

wishful thinking...... i got to stay positive that something will change, but it has been 2 and half years that my life it would seem has died....

OP’s posts: |
buckyou Wed 15-Nov-17 15:14:44

What about your old friends? Do any of them have kids? Could you try and reconnect with them?

Or have you had a look on the local pages on here or Netmums? Might find some other local mums you could chat to?

Clareeey Wed 15-Nov-17 15:22:43

Lol, my old friends are there but its not the same. I do make the effort but unfortunately, i don't get the same back.

I have tried making conversation but just doesn't to be working, i can't seem to find people with the same story, you know. Starting to think it may be me, but generally, i think its a woman thing. Women are always suspicious of other women lol. Its crazy isn't it, people seem to generalise loneliness with old age.

I guess, i will try and keep looking, hopefully make a new friend... clutching straws. who said life is easy as you get older..... lol

OP’s posts: |
Crazylou Wed 15-Nov-17 15:45:36

Hi I know the feeling same thing happened with me my little one will be 3 in April, old friends don't bother getting in contact am always doing contact, got fed up with it, if they were interested they would come see me, met few people through but still not same gets easier though

Clareeey Wed 15-Nov-17 16:03:33

People say that, but 2 and half years later and yep,,, still the same!!!
Its just really crap isn't it, my babies have a better social life than me lol

OP’s posts: |
GandTforme Fri 17-Nov-17 07:47:28

Pop over to the AIBU board and search for thread 'To wish I had a friend'. Lots of people in a similar situation and there's a Facebook group set up too. I also find it lonely being a parent to toddlers, especially 2 (I have twins). Hope you find your people soon x

paigestudent Mon 01-Oct-18 15:46:53

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lushmetender Wed 03-Oct-18 10:08:29

Hi I had this on mat leave. I had been talking to a group of girls but they didn’t invite me to their coffee mornings (one was my neighbour so I could see they were having them). It is hard but you need to get yourself out there to toddlers and the clubs eg singing clubs etc and get the play dates going. I really regret not making more of an effort with other people. For two of my kids they have enough friends but because I didn’t, I find it really hard to find play days for my other child. Note PND can go on longer than you think and in hindsight I know now I had this (bordering on depression still I would say). My work keeps me sane so if you do want to work make a plan to go back at some point.

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