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Separation anxiety

(8 Posts)
BoyMumma Tue 14-Nov-17 07:58:55

Any practical advice or useful books you’ve read on the subject?
My son is 1 year old and going through a very tough patch with separation anxiety, at night and during the day too, it’s awful to see him so distressed sad. He won’t be consoled HB and can get so upset he’s sick when at his worst. It’s got a lot worse in the last 2 weeks compounded by 1year immunisations, him being ill and me returning to work (2 days per week).
I know it’s a normal part of development and means there is a strong attachment but would really like some advice for reassuring him.
I’ve already bought a couple of books on amazon but they have turned out to be nothing more than pamphlets so thought I’d turn here before wasting any more money.
Thank you in advance

BoyMumma Wed 15-Nov-17 06:37:52


Please someone tell me there is something I can do sad

Humv Wed 15-Nov-17 14:16:36

I’m not at that stage with my DS yet so I don’t have any experience with it, sorry, but didn’t want to read and run. Where does he stay when you’re at work? If nursery, could you possibly take him on a day where you’re not working and stay with him for a while just so he knows it’s safe? And once he’s settled, try leaving then and doing this a couple of times until he knows he can relax and you’ll always come back?

Hopefully someone else will be able to offer some advice with actual experience!

BoyMumma Thu 16-Nov-17 07:14:21

Thanks Humv

He’s between his 2 nannies while I’m at work, at home one day with one Nanny and at the other Nanny’s house the other day. He’s actually not too bad saying goodbye when I go off to work, but he’ll get really upset when I’m just at home with him if I walk across the room without him, even if he’s sitting with his Dad.
We’ve got his 1 year check with the HV today so I will see what they have to offer not holding out much hope!

BoyMumma Thu 16-Nov-17 07:15:15

Nanny’s that should read as in grandparents rather than childcare Nannie blush

Sultanainasalad Thu 16-Nov-17 16:30:13

I don’t have any advice, but just thought I’d share my experience. From 10 months until about 20 months my dd had the most intense separation anxiety. I found it really really hard, I am a sahm and could never get a break, I know my dh found it really hard too. We tried everything and nothing worked. Until one day it just lifted. Now at 2.5 she has a very lovely attachment to me, but is so confident and outgoing and happy to spend time with as many other people as she can. ‘This too will pass OP’ good luck!

Youvegotafriendinme Fri 17-Nov-17 02:15:24

My DS is 1 next week and in the last fortnight his anxiety has gone from not great to absolutely awful. He now is inconsolable if I just walk the other side of the room. Like you said OP, it’s hard on DH as well.
I haven’t got any advice I’m afraid but if I come across anything I’ll let you know

BoyMumma Mon 20-Nov-17 14:52:06

Thanks for sharing your experience Sultana. It’s so tough isn’t it! At least it’s not just me finding it tough.
Youvegotafriend, I feel you! My DS is exactly like that when I walk across the room.

Surprisingly the HV did have a couple of helpful things to say, firstly that DS has been used to DH coming and going from a very young age, so that’s a routine for him, it’s predictable and safe, he knows he’s going to come home, whereas with me he’s not used to it. Made my DH feel better to hear that and makes perfect sense.

She also said try distraction with a toy when the get upset/follow you rather than picking up straight away and saying ‘it’s ok it’s ok’ Which would reinforce that it wasn’t ok before. Not a miracle cure, but if I bend down and just look at a toy etc with him when he follows me upset it does work sometimes and I don’t always have to completely stop what I’m doing and pick him up, he might just play at my feet for a few mins.

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