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How to explain to my toddler where Mummy Is?

(8 Posts)
PandaCub Mon 13-Nov-17 23:29:16

Hi everyone,

I leave for work early and before my 2 year old wakes.

I hate the idea of him waking and not finding me there but I leave early so that get home early enough to put him to bed. We do this x4 days a week.

I feel so guilty.

Has anyone found ways to explain / reassure their LO that Mummy is away but coming back in situations like this?

Thanks

PandaCub Mon 13-Nov-17 23:34:18

I didn't mean to double post - sorry!confused

PandaCub Thu 16-Nov-17 07:15:09

Anyone?

His separation anxiety is horrendous. He's up for hours all night and I've taken to pulling him into bed with me as it's my company he seems to want. But he wont settle and I'm struggling to hold down a job on about 4 hours of sleep. I get home at his supper time and we have about 2 hours together in the evenings and I'm full time with him 3 days a week.

Exhausted.

mellongoose Fri 17-Nov-17 08:14:21

Poor you OP. I didn’t want to leave you unanswered. I’m assuming someone else is there on the mornings you’re away early!

It’s nice that you’re pulling him into bed. My DD is like this. She’s 3 and I 6 months at least trying to get her to sleep in her own bed. I’ve given in now and when she wakes up she comes in with me. They just need us when they are this little.

I explain to mine that today is a granny day, or a daddy day or a <childminders name> day. I sometimes do this the night before and mention things that they can get excited about. Granny will take you to the swings, you get pancakes at childminders house etc. I’ll see you at tea time (even if it’s after). Could any of this help?

Mum guilt is horrid so flowers

fatandlumpy Fri 17-Nov-17 14:25:21

I went back to work full time (with additional teaching hours) when my boy was 6months old. My partner became a stay-at-home-Dad, but I felt a real physical wrench. I ended up extended feeding until he was nearly 3 (I let him self wean) and I co-slept with him until he weaned too.

It became clear that I could not have any more kids, so I needed to remain close to him and reconnect every night. My partner was a bit disturbed, but our boy is a happy healthy, confident, and independent little whirl of destructive joy. He's happy at school and makes friends so I don't think I did any damage.

You can only do what you can only do.... Make decisions and choices based on what you and your kiddo need. Perhaps he's not settling as he's too excited to be near his Mummy. If this becomes a normal thing then he may drop off easier in the future. Mine zonks within 2 seconds with or without me now.

(... feeling redundant)

I wish you all the best

PandaCub Sun 19-Nov-17 18:59:54

Thank you both very much! Wishing you lots of luck too xx

Ceara Mon 20-Nov-17 16:31:29

I'm in the same situation OP. I have a long commute 3 days/week and leave before DS wakes so as to be home for 7 pm and bedtime. (Some mornings he wakes as I'm leaving and then all hell breaks loose, pleading for me to stay or saying he'll follow me to the station but in theory I'm gone an hour or so before he wakes.)

I don't have any magic bullet but we've been doing it for 2.5 years now and it is easier. We have a visual week planner so he can see where I am each day and who is going to be his grown up on the days I'm not here. We always discuss it the night before. If it wasn't so far I would take him to show him my office, and I've shown him pics, including of himself there with me as a baby when I brought him in during mat leave to see colleagues.

He wakes less frequently at night than he used to, though when he does wake it's still cuddles from me that he wants (daddy won't do). I have a mattress on his floor for those nights, so seem to have taken a similar approach to you, OP. The sleep deprivation is appalling, especially when you are getting up early for a commute.

I think it's just a case of hanging in there, and cutting every other corner you can for a while, to prioritise time with DS and sleep for yourself.

Cutesbabasmummy Tue 21-Nov-17 14:32:28

I'm a bot different as I have meetings that start at 6pm every Monday and every third Tuesday as well as the other odd one here and there. I'm lucky as my mum and dad look after my 34 month old on those days of the week and they take him back to our house and then my mum and my husband (works an hours commute away) when he gets home do bathtime together and then my DH des the bedtime story etc. He asks where I am and they say "Mummy's at work" and he gets it. He knows I will be there in the morning and he does settle for his daddy but every other night I have to do bedtime story! I think as they get older they do understand that mummy is coming back. HTH x

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