How to build resilience in 6 year old...

[resipsa]

I’m just wondering if anyone has any tips for building resilience in social situations. I’ve always thought my daughter (6) was pretty self-contained/self-assured but lately small things seem to affect her greatly. For example, if she runs into school and makes a beeline for a particular friend but the friend is already engaged so pays no attention, she will burst into tears and refuse to go in. Today, some girls were hiding in the bushes and she went to join them but was told to go away so she cried again. It wasn’t great that they didn’t invite her to join in but that is what 6 year olds can be like, mine included. She does activities out of school - drama, Rainbows etc - so it’s not so much a making friends issue as a learning that you’re not always the centre of attention issue!
Thanks.

[claraschu]

Aww, she is just being forced to come to terms with the unfortunate reality that kids can be unfriendly and unkind. I really think that all you can do is be understanding, but firmly convinced that all will be well. I did a fair bit of complimenting my daughter on the things that were actually a challenge for her, if you know what I mean.

I think this is one of those situations where you just have to be patient as she gets through a process of growing up, realising that people can be a bit mean but it isn't that big a deal, and hopefully learning always to be inclusive so no one else has to feel like that.

It is so hard to see your kids go through this, but try to set an example of not taking it too seriously I think...

[resipsa]

Thanks and I know you’re right - it’s just part of growing up but I wish that she’s care less or at least be seen to care less as I think sometimes she is teased precisely because there is a guaranteed reaction!

[claraschu]

Does she have siblings? I ask because kids with siblings get lots of practice dealing with rejection, and I wonder if maybe she missed out on some of that?

It is very natural to feel upset if friends won't play with you, though, whether or not you are used to it. Have you talked to her about it? or do you not want to make a big deal out of itty too much discussion?

Sometimes just validating her feelings by acknowledging them, and then talking about what she can do to feel better might help. I would do this at a comfortable moment later in the day, not while she is actually upset. Maybe you could do some role play too about things she can do if she feels one person won't play with her (find another friend, join in a bigger group playing tag or football, jump rope by herself, go hunt for pretty pebbles or autumn leaves, etc.)

It is great that she is going to clubs and meeting children at other activities. Do you ever invite children over to play? I found that my kids had a much better group of friends after they were used to playing together in an unstructured way after school.

[resipsa]

She has a younger sibling who worships her so will not learn to deal with rejection from that relationship (a good thing!). We have had quite a few over to play and some times these afternoons went better than expected but she has an almost magnetic pull to the ‘mean girls’ who tease her. Desperate for acceptance? We have talked about it and she is always calm afterwards - we just need to work on the insouciance...