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Violent toddler DS, any experiences?

(2 Posts)
FatRedCrayon Thu 02-Nov-17 09:23:53

Ok, so they can all be a bit feral at times, but DS is rapidly approaching 3 and he's turning into a really aggressive child.

Yesterday he bashed another kid in the face at nursery with a toy and gave them a nasty cut. sad This is the latest in a long line of incidents. I'm constantly having to keep him from hitting, kicking and generally jumping on DD (now a mobile baby intent on grabbing anything she can reach). He'll do the same to me. He won't listen, he'll apologise but then do it again 5 seconds later and while he can recite all the answers to 'how do we play nicely' etc, it doesn't actually change his behaviour. He gets told off and time out, confiscated toys if they're thrown, etc, but it doesn't seem to help.

Nursery have asked for him to have a special behavioural assessment. I think this means they'll generate some paperwork and I can then get him referred, but not too sure. That's if he lasts, as if things go on, I'll have to take him out of nursery as I can't have him hitting other children constantly! It's getting to the point where we have to avoid groups and playdates as I can't control his behaviour. Thing is he's worse if we just stay at home, and if we go out to the park he just wants to run off or tantrum.

He's a lovely, caring kid when he wants to be! But nursery have said it's more than just the terrible twos. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has had the same and if it was an indicator of future or wider behavioural issues? I'd like to get him help if I can, I'm just a bit stumped and scared right now, and feeling like a rubbish parent.

Kleinzeit Thu 02-Nov-17 10:25:38

My DS wasn't unusually aggressive in nursery but he did have big problems when he started school. He had lots of assessments. His issues turned out to be autism spectrum, and once he was given the right understanding and support his behaviour improved a lot (and he went on to do very well in school, made friends, etc). And I wanted to put in a word of comfort - you wont necessarily have to take take him out of nursery even if he does have wider issues. He may need some extra support or supervision at nursery, but whether he is better at nursery or staying home for a few more months will be decisions for further down the line. But if they are doing an assessment then that suggests that they want to keep him and help him if they can. Hang in there and see what the assessment comes up with. If you like you can head over to the MN Special Needs boards for support as well, there are mothers there with similar experiences to yours.

Oh, and of course you are not a rubbish parent (though I know it feels that way, I've been there too!). You've been doing the usual good-parent things. If it turns out that he does need extra support then I'm sure you'll help him get it and you'll adapt your parenting to his needs. What more could even a perfect Mum do? flowers

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