My son did something very bad and dangerous.

[Threeboysandus]

I dont know what to.do. im at the end of my tether with him. He is.8 and has always been a.handful. since he was three, he has caused us so much stress. He is hyper. Hes very impulsive. I think we need to speak to our nurse abiut getting him assessed.

Anyway we recently moved house and he has a new little bunch of friends. Today he stole a lighter from our house and lit a piece of paper from a skip alight and it went up in flames. My partner had to call the fire brigade (my partner is actually a firefighter hinself but it was too big by the time he found out). My son denied any involvment at first but his friends said it was him and he eventually gave in. His friends had also lit an abandoned unbrella alight and told him they wouldnt bebe friends with him if didnt light something. Im not blaming them, he is my concern and he has to take responsibility for himself.

The fire brigade put out the fire and no one was hurt thank god. The skip is burnt out but usable again I think.

I dont know where tohe even start with my son. Our initial reaction was to punish which we have started, firstly he was not aloud to go trick or treating and secondly he is grounded for the week. I dont know how to deal with him. He is constantly up to no good. Nothing this serious has happened before. His usual anticts would be for example robbing sweets from.our press wheb told not to, writing his name on his bedroom furniture after being told repeatedly not too, running off on us when out shopping etc. We have two other boyd who of course act up but respond to discipline. There is just no talking toto ds1. I feel we have tried so many things and nothing helps. Im so upset. I just feel like we have failed him for him to be capable of behavibg like this.

We have friends in the police so I am considering askin them could they arrange for a policeman or woman to come to hosue to shock him.

He has such a lovely side to him. He is very kind to younger children. His teacher comments every year how kind he is to his classmates. He is so generous and appreciative. But then the devil side of him comes out and he can be so bold.

[Obie4]

Oh dear! Sounds like a lot to handle. I think judging his behaviour against your other children is a good indicator that you havnt failed him as parents. Don't blame yourselfs.
As your husband is a firefighter I'm guessing he knows the dangers of fire. Yes it was his decision to steal the lighter and start the fire, but it sounds like he could be quite impressionable doing something like that just to fit in.
I think you are right about getting him assessed. He's sounds very impulsive too with stealing an such, these are all signs of behavioural problems.
I had the same with my son, he could be so lovely, but most of the time I struggled with him. Blocking school sinks and flooding the toilets on purpose, breaking a lot of school property. And awful at home too. We got assessed and done behaviour management instead of medication. And now at 13 he's a different boy. Still can be impulsive, more with things he says than with behaviour now. And can do odd things that he knows he shouldn't. But it really does work. X

[Obie4]

Also the idea of the police chat is a good Idea but could scare him too. When my son kept stealing sweets i had a chat with my local shop keeper, after always making him take the stuff back didnt work, she was really lovely, we came to the decision for him to go in after school and sweep the shop floor for 15mins as 'repayment'. She had a little chat to him too about what she would have done if she caught him stealing and he was older. It worked a treat and he never done it again.