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Struggling to cope with dd behaviour, school called ss

(5 Posts)
devastateddee Sun 22-Oct-17 21:08:44

Namechanged. Cutted up pear etc.

Absolutely devastatedsad

Dd is 6. No diagnosis yet but pos asd.
Single parent working hard to be a good mum with no support. dd's behaviour is very very difficult. I mainly react how I'd like, but sometimes I shout, and rarely , I cry. I've been ill and exhausted and fed up of the grind.

Picking up dd from school, she refused to leave, and I have been working hard on de sensitising her to the word no, holding the boundary and letting her know she's ok after her inevitable meltdown. It's been working. So she melted down in the playground. I wobbled and cried in frustration. Staff came out to help. But whilst I poured my heart out about how drained I am they called ss as dd seemed so distressed.

I am terrified. The social worker visited seemed nice and seemed to accept my explanation . But I am also fighting my abusive ex around custody and am terrified this will affect the outcome and I won't be able to protect her from him. It's shaken my sense of myself as a good ( or good enough) mother.

I can only see a blank wall in front of me.

SBDB Sun 22-Oct-17 21:54:27

Hi there

I'm new to MN but was a SENCO at a large secondary school. I know how challenging it can be with a young child and possible additional needs.
I just wanted to reassure you that in all of my dealings with SS over the years they are genuinely very supportive. It may be with their involvement they can direct you towards other services that may be able to help. In many areas there are parenting groups (often found on FB) which can help with practical advice but also a shoulder to cry on when exhaustion becomes too much. SS should be able to direct you to these groups within your area.
You could ask the school to start a Team Around the Child (TAC) form which brings professionals together around your family to provide additional support. This is nothing to be worried about and can sometimes, again, give you greater access to support.

devastateddee Sun 22-Oct-17 22:16:54

Thankyou for replying.

The social worker who visited me said the school called as they thought dd was very distressed and didn't want to go with me. I'd attempted to pick her up and she struggled.

I feel judged for being the cause of her distress, and now after having a close working relationship with her teachers I feel I can't trust them or confide. I feel my status has gone down. I've always been proud of my strength in this journey, I've been resourceful and now when I was on my knees I feel I'm seen as weak and worse, abusive to my child. It doesn't feel very nice at the school anymore,
I can't look her teachers in the face.

starpatch Mon 23-Oct-17 10:10:37

wish I had more useful advice but didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry this must be extremely stressful for you when you are already in custody battle with abusive ex. The SS thing doesn't have to be end of the world though, I have had SS assessments 3 times because of my mental health, each time I have found them fair, and as you say you were happy with the social worker who visited you. Something that helps me sometimes when I am really anxious about something is to think of another time I was really anxious and how it was okay in the end (not meaning to suggest you are overanxious just trying to think of a way to help). Being pre diagnosis with your DD must be adding to your anxiety as you must be anxious about getting your point of view and concerns heard. Maybe its time to try and push for a diagnosis for your DD?

devastateddee Mon 23-Oct-17 16:58:41

Thanks star. I've got an appointment for the gp to discuss a referral to paediatrician .
You're right about the anxiety. It just couldn't have come at a worse time in terms of court. I have ptsd and manage my symptoms well usually.

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