Clingy 11 week old(5 Posts)
My son is 11 weeks old, and for the past 3 weeks or so has become 'mum clingy' with me.
Last week we were at my in-laws for dinner and he started screaming for no reason (think it was tiredness) whilst my MIL was holding him. Normally he'd happily be soothed by her, but not this time. My husband took over, and still screaming. This happened for almost an hour. Whilst eating my dinner, I noticed he kept turning his head to me, so I took him off my husband, and the crying instantly stopped and he fell asleep!
We've noticed that this keeps happening.
I really feel for my husband as he comes home from work and wants to play with his son, but he sometimes wants none of it. This is my time to get my chores done I can't do in the day, but I have to keep coming into the room to reassure DS that I've not left the building!
Does anyone have any tips for helping with this, or is it something we just ride out?
Hi, we went through the exact sane thing. It was heartwrenching as my daughter had started to scream the place down with my husband. (She seemed okay with my mum though and ecen sometimes other females.)
We kept hoping it would improve but it didn't. It got so bad I called the HV in a state. Her suggestion was to let her just cry with him as 'she's learning she gets what she wants'. I didn't agree with this as I felt it would make the situation worse.
I was supposed to be going on a hen do (bridesmaid so couldn't say no) and was so anxious, I wasn't sure what to do. However, by 16 weeks I'd been battling this for 4 weeks (there had been a brief blip at 8 weeks too though) and I really needed the break as it was really getting me diwn having no respite (and I hated seeing my husband so devastated).
I was breastfeeding and concerned about her taking expressed milk from a bottle as she screamed the place down. O spoke to La Leche who reassured me unlikely to starve and as had taken a bottle only a few weeks earlier off my mum,.likely she would again.
Over a couple of weeks we made sure we did a mixture of joint play and I'd slowly leave her for little periods. We also.made a big point of showing we were happy together and doimg things like giving each other a kiss each then kissing her or doing raspberries on her belly with us doing a little double act.
I was still concerned as even just a week before she cried when he held her at a birthday for no reason.
Anyway, I went away and was so stressed but she cried a little for the first few feeds (and my husband assure me not screaming as we had a pact that if it was as bad as it had been I'd not board the plane or get the next flight back) but was okay. He was even able to settle her off to sleep.
Now I'm back, (three weeks later) she still prefers me but is hsppy with him and he can even get hervifc to skeeo faster than me sometimes. She does scream when he gives her a bottle though, but will take off me - so not sure what that is about (she didn't take off me before either).
I had attempted to leave her for a morning once but she had screamed the place down. I only felt comfortable going as she was okay with my mum. Force one reason, it was like she knew I was really gone and she realised he was okay (or maybe as my husband knew I wasn't a quick telephone call away he was subconsciously better at soothing her).
In the end, we had felt we had nothing to lose as the bond had got that bad. We did have a back up of my mum being there. You don't mention how she is with your mum? If like me, sges veey sunukar and so okay with her it may be worth going away for a day if you can.
Or, I wish we had addressed things earlier and ensured we did as much joint andvsingke play as possible. I'm not sure if anything triggered your issues but, looking back, what we thought was a reaction gonna be, was actually a stormy cloud week in a leap and I'd been cluster feeding, meaning my husband was often left on the perimeter.
Hi thanks for responding.
He loves my mum and my husband's mum, but nobody else will do when he's screaming the place down.
I think it started more when he'd been ill. He had a cold 3 weeks ago, then the week after he had really bad diarrhoea for 6 days, which was scary for all of us!
Last night was a nightmare. In the week, if our son wakes up in the night, my husband goes to sleep in the spare room as he has work. Friday night is my night for this so I get a little respite. Last night he woke up at 2.15 grizzling away. I went to spare room. Could hear him crying an hour later still til my husband came in to me saying he couldn't cope.
I went in the room and held him, and he fell asleep instantly. Then he spent from 5.15 til just now asleep on me as he wouldn't go back in his cotbed.
It's so tiring. Just want to be able to leave him for a short time- for his benefit as well as my own!
I've got some birthday and Christmas meals planned soon so am dreading it.
If he is feeling separation anxiety, the best thing yiu can do is be there for him. If he’s getting upset with your husband, could he take him out for a walk or drive so that he will drop off?
He was going to do that today, but luckily we've had a better afternoon today! He spent all morning with him while I cleaned, so seemed to get used to it. Hopefully it will last and isn't just because he spent all day with him today- the poor man has to work in the week! thanks x
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