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Extreme tantrums

(9 Posts)
Igottastartthinkingbee Wed 18-Oct-17 12:27:15

Well I'm back! With another tantrum thread.

DD just turned 3 and she's in another bad phase of tantrums. Unfortunately it's over things that I can't avoid like getting dressed, going to bed, brushing teeth, sitting at the table etc etc. She's had bad patches before but this time I really feel like I can't cope. I constantly feel anxious and I've felt like I don't love her. She's my second and I'm sure my first was done being quite this difficult by the time he was 3.

I try to ignore her but if I just carry on getting her dressed, for example, it just escalates the problem (if I can do it at all). My MIL suggested putting her on the step but I don't think she cares and again it seems to inflame the situation. Any advice?

Igottastartthinkingbee Wed 18-Oct-17 16:29:50

No one? The extreme tantrums take the usual screaming anger form btw. But they can last for a long time. 1hr 15 mins the other week. I was staring to worry that I'd never be able to calm her down.

Inspi10 Wed 18-Oct-17 18:32:31

Humour is the best policy sometimes my son was the same but has now grown out of it and I’m onto a different issue now. It’s all part of being a parent sometimes we’re faced with awful tantrums.
I cared too much and constantly tried to stop my son having a tantrum but it never worked.
Then one day in Lidl he threw the biggest tantrum on the floor screaming and crying because the lady at the till had to scan his doughnut. Instead of the usual I paid for my stuff and moved him out the way and stood back I let him scream and people stared then I told him to look around that everybody was looking at him thinking how silly he was screaming and I told him to carry on. He then stood up held my hand and left. Then I explained in the car that the lady was scanning it and wasn’t taking it away etc. I’ve not had a tantrum out and about anywhere since as soon as he git close to it I tell him to go ahead😂(he didn’t).
At home I the step never worked I kept putting him on it 100’timea it could easily take an hour.
So I put him in a room (door open) then he couldn’t keep shutting it to gain contol I.. found it was a power battle with him😅.
I purely ignored him put on music carried on as usual until he stopped.
Then i explained after tantrum what the situation is I have no tantrums now.
If he didnt sit at the table I’d take it away almost straight away until he came to me.
If he didn’t get changed I’d say fine and take him out in pjs and a coat and explain no one else wears pyjamas outside but if he wants to look silly that’s fine.
With teeth I showed him a picture before hand of someone with very bad teeth and asked if he wanted teeth like that. He said no but still didn’t want to brush them so I said ok let’s go to your room now hopefully your teeth won’t fall out in the night, then he went and brushed them.
My way probably isnt everyone’s way but it worked I don’t have tantrums at all now.
I’m just dealing with the new thing which is him pushing in school now 🙄.
Good luck cx

user1488397844 Wed 18-Oct-17 19:59:20

Have you tried a reward chart? I know it doesn't work for everyone but was really good for my 3 year old. Also if she tantrums I just tell her to 'go away' where she goes in the house is her own choice and she comes back once shes calm. Obviously this wouldn't work if you're rushing out the door etc but it's good for breathing space at home. I try to give her as many choices as possible but ultimately doing what I want her to I.e. "Do you want to hold my left hand or right hand" so the options are only limited but she feels like she's choosing. How is ur childs speech? Can they communicate clearly what they want? If not this could be frustration and will easily pass. Lots of praise works for us & also threats "If you don't brush your teeth they'll go black" I try not to use Santa etc as a threat as it needs to be something concrete for her to really understand, and also I regularly bribe her (I know frowned upon) but I say "Quick if you get your shoes on we can have an extra 5mins at the park" And lots of who can do X first games too! Hope some of this is helpful!

Igottastartthinkingbee Mon 23-Oct-17 19:25:54

Well after another family get together has been ruined by DDs rage in all set to start boot camp this week. She's ruling our lives and I'm letting her. DSIL has given me a pep talk!!

I may need some hand holding in the weeks ahead.

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Mon 23-Oct-17 20:01:35

Leave her alone? If she’s not hurting anyone or breaking anything then just say thst as soon as she calms down she can have a hug, then go.

Igottastartthinkingbee Mon 23-Oct-17 20:05:40

That's the plan now pansies, not sure how that will work with her refusals to get dressed when we need to go on the school run. But I've got to take control of the situation cause no one is having a good time at the moment.

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Mon 23-Oct-17 20:32:24

Could she do school run in pjs?

uhoh2016 Mon 23-Oct-17 21:24:28

I agree ignore her ( I also have a toddler so I know this is extremely hard to do) if you do need to dress her, instead of going out in pjs, then do it and ignore the tantrum do the la la la la la deep breaths and counting to 10 or 1000 . Take away or remove her from anything that could become dangerous again without communicating. Only speak to her again once she's calmed down, quick chat about how somethings need to be done etc kiss cuddle and forget it move on with the day.
I honestly do realise it's easier to say than do I need to reap what I sow also

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