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6yo new dreadful behaviour at school

(3 Posts)
autumnnightsahoy Fri 06-Oct-17 11:08:48

Hi, I could really do with some advice as I'm at my wits end.

Ds is nearly 7 and in year 2. He's very bright, articulate and previously loved school. He did reception in a different school and then we moved areas and he started year 1 at a new school. We never had a days trouble over the last 2 years and he was happy at school.

This year it's gone so wrong. He's developed a really angry, violent behaviour pattern at school. He's rude to adults and defiant against requests. He's starting being violent to the teachers by throwing things and refusing to join in. He regularly gets sent to the deputy head/internal exclusions and he still lashes out aggressively and rudely there as well. They say he's on the road to permanent exclusion.

When he gets home, he is devastated and remorseful. He says he is so unhappy at school that he wants to be excluded and now has started saying he wants to kill himself.

He comes up with lots of reasons why this is happening and all have been addressed in school. He has consistent rewards and punishments and understands the rules. But this red mist will descend at school when something goes wrong, often quite small to start with. He has a system in place to express his feelings but doesn't/can't in the heat of the moment.

He's mostly fine at home and generally well behaved and polite although I can see he has this explosive nature in him, maybe we can just read it better at home. He's always been brilliantly behaved in clubs like beavers, swimming and sport etc.

Please help if you can. I have no idea how to help him at school.

autumnnightsahoy Fri 06-Oct-17 22:15:35


Goldmandra Sat 07-Oct-17 19:11:26

Well there has to be a reason why his behaviour has deteriorated so badly.

The first thing to establish is that this is him expressing distress, not bad behaviour that requires punishments. If he doesn't know why he is distressed and is losing control and getting punished, he is bound to feel awful. The punishments won't help if he doesn't understand and cannot change his behaviour.

It isn't just his job to work out why he is struggling. He needs the adults caring for him to start looking carefully at the precursors to the situations when he gets upset and angry.

It sounds like he has definite issues with identifying his own emotions, especially at times of stress. This means he will find it harder than other children to explain what has caused his distress and identify what might help him.

You could probably help him by labelling your emotions and labelling his for him, e.g. I can see that you feel disappointed about this......, I'm feeling rather worried that......

There may be factors contributing to his behaviour that he can't identify and nobody else has thought of. These could be that his social skills are a bit delayed and he is having to work hard to keep up with what is happening around him. It could be that he has some sensory sensitivities so smells, noisy environments, being touched by other pupils, the fabric of his uniform are making him stressed without him even realising.

The key is to find the reason behind the behaviour, not to punish the behaviour. If you can identify and manage the reason, he might begin to thrive and enjoy school again.

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