Bitch teenager...😩

[Chappilass]

Hi guys... I have taken on a rude/selfish 14yr old girl! And want to commit GBH😂
She is disrepectful, selfish rude.. lazy and think money grows outside. I have no experience in bringing up 'brats' never wanted any, but the situation is what it is... I need words of wisdom and encouragement... as this is getting to me (not even yoga helps me) I'm constantly in a bad mood.. because of her attitude!!😡

[dollydayscream]

Being a teenager these days is very difficult, much more so than ever before.

It's a confusing time fraught with anxiety.

You really ought to try to find out what's going on in her head. People are at their worst when feeling at their worst. I was a terrible teenager because I felt worthless and alone.

[speakout]

What do you mean "taken on"?

SD? Foster child?

I can't think of any 14 year old worthy of the term "Bitch teenager."

That's beyond harsh.

[ashleexex]

Speakout
You've obviously never had to deal with a teenager for a long period then 😂
My sisters who are 14 and 15 can very much relate to being bitchy teenagers. So was I when I was that age.
There's no solution, discipline seems to go over their heads and they always seem to think you're out to get them. All I can suggest is speaking. Both being honest and make some ground rules. It does get easier now my sisters are going onto 15 and 16 year olds and higher in school they're lovely to be around and very mature young women. Goodluck, you'll need it 😬

[speakout]

ashleexex - so you haven't had teenagers to parent- yet you are giving advice?

Quite laughable.

[Chappilass]

I'm living in a place I don't want to be so she can finish school... maybe 'bitch teenager' was a tad harsh!but I'm stressed 75% of the time!😩

[speakout]

Are you her mother OP?

[ashleexex]

for your information I practically brought my sisters up. Thank you. Don't comment on my life I didn't mention if I had or hadn't. I haven't been a mother do a teenager yet biologically. But I have brought two of my sisters up at a young age. & I have my own son at the minute. 👍🏼

[speakout]

*Speakout
You've obviously never had to deal with a teenager for a long period then *

ashlee- but it's fine for you to comment on my life?

I have teenagers, the oldest will be 20 soon, and these years have been amazing.

My teens are easy going, respectful, helpful, chatty, they work hard at school, they have lovely friends.
I can't remember the last time there was a cross word in the house.

I have never punished them, and neither has the school.

My experience of parenting teens has been lovely.

[Chappilass]

Well I guess some guys are luckier than others .....

[speakout]

Must be luck.

Most of the teens I know are fantastic people.

[speakout]

In fact it pisses me off when teens are given a bad press.

Moody, sullen, sulky, selfish.

Growing up is a hard job and they need support not condemnation.
Most will respond if parented in a positive way.

I find the views of teenagers refreshing and enlightened.
They are a respectful bunch and are trailblazing the way with their views on society.
They hate bigotry, sexism, racism and are very tolerant of others.

Having teens has actually made me sit up and question some of my own attitudes in a very positive way.

[corythatwas]

OP, it is impossible to give any good advice when you won't explain circumstances.

First of all, what is your relationship to the teen in question? I assume you cannot be the parent: no sane parent would think of themselves as "taking on" their own child. So how come you are in charge of her? Are you a sibling? A distant relative?

You yourself say you never wanted children, so it is rather likely that she knows you don't want her there. Has it occurred to you that that might just affect her attitude towards you? (do you normally think of children as "brats"? and would you expect someone you think of as a "brat" simply because of their age to feel very warmly towards you?)

What about the reasons for her needing to come to live with you? Has she experienced any trauma? Does she feel rejected from her original home?

I hope you are not going to come back and tell us you are her father. Because feeling resentful for being expected to look after your own daughter would just be beyond awful. And very, very damaging to her.

[Chappilass]

No im not her mother but her nearest relative... her mother and grandmother are deceased...

[speakout]

Poor kid.

Her mother and grandmother have died and her caregiver is calling her a bitch.

Sounds like she would be better off in care or a foster home.

[Chappilass]

So how would u handle someone who steals from you... doesnt follow curfews... and constantly swears and spits in my face?

[speakout]

Perhaps living with you is not the best option.

[Chappilass]

The only other option is care homes...
trying to get her to try counselling... not interested

[speakout]

I think you need some help.
Are you in touch with Social Sevices?

[EightyNine]

Is it possible for you to get counselling together? If you are her closest relative and her mother and grandmother are deceased then you have also presumable suffered berievement? Do you have much support?
In my experience kids just want to feel safe. They just want somewhere to go home to where they know they are loved. It doesn't sound as though she has this at the moment and it may not be apparent In her, but this is something every child needs. If she doesn't get it at home she'll go seeking it elsewhere, and without a solid framework for what a loving environment looks like, she may get it vastly wrong. There are all sorts of people out there who will take advantage of a teen like yours, she is very vulnerable.
It's your job to be the adult by swallowing your pride and showing her what a loving home looks like, so that if she doesn't want it with you, she at least knows what she's looking for.

[Blinkingblimey]

Ok so the facts so far seem to be that OP has taken on a (niece)child who has no one else. Her first post (admittedly using some 'extreme' language was made (well, I read it as) in a 'flipping heck what do I do now' tone). Yes, given her bereavements the teenager is liable (and expectedly so) to be a handfull but the OP has taken her on and is asking for compassion & guidance. Join the real world anyone who thinks they could do a better job.... maybe you're all saints.. world would be a better place if you were..

[Blinkingblimey]

OP, keep going, she will eventuallly appreciate how you are supporting her though it may well be some time away. Suppporting a child that is not your 'own' in a guardian capacity is a hard job, you will be an angel to those who could not be there.

[speakout]

I think the offence caused is in the title of the thread.

"Bitch teenager"

It's such a hostile phrase, and indicates a certain level of hostility and lack of compassion.