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9 yo won't sleep in own bed

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freida20 Wed 20-Sep-17 21:30:26

thanks for reply - he sleeps in his own bed at his dads. i think you're right - it is some kind of reassurance but at 9 and having gone on for over a year i feel i need to be putting an end to it as partly i think he's getting into a habit.
As I wrote i thought i really need to be more firm. so when he came back from his dads after a weekend away i said you need to try sleeping in your own bed and see how you get on and he said all the normal excuses and i said its cos hes not used to it and needs to try again. he did it the first night, wavered a bit on 2nd night so i praised him loads for sleeping so well and not fussing the night before and said he would get a treat if he could do it for a week - will get a zomblings pack he wants. think iy helps that being back at school he is really tired so going to sleep quickly.
fingers crossed he does whole week and doesn't expect to come back at end of it lol! today will be night 4!

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Pinkknickers Fri 15-Sep-17 20:39:21

I wouldn't spend any money on another bed, I'm pretty certain by what you have said so far that he is using the bed being uncomfortable, too narrow etc as an excuse. You mentioned this all started when his dad left, could it be some kind of separation anxiety? Like, he needs to be close to you for comfort and to feel safe? Bless him. I don't have any helpful advice I'm afraid. What is he like when he stays at his dad's? Does he sleep alone there?

freida20 Thu 14-Sep-17 14:33:42

my 9 yo won't sleep in his own bed.
we never co-slept unless ill but at 7 his dad left and because of emotional distress etc i allowed it. then it became habit and although i was firm about him going back to his own bed he always has an excuse. - him not being able to sleep in his bed as its not as comfortable as mine is the main one.
we live in a run down house and i completely gutted his room - got rid of all the damp, got rid of the old horrible dirty carpets and recarpeted, painted in his choice of colours, got him a new bed (1 excuse was his bed was uncomfortable) his room is tiny so i got him a shorty high sleeper. it cost a lot but i thought it was an investment - would serve the purpose of him sleeping in his own room, me getting some sleep, and him having a wardrobe and desk that wouldn't otherwise fit in his room. while his room was being gutted he carried on sleeping in my room.
almost immediatly he said the mattress was uncomfortable, so i got him a memory foam topper - a really decent thick one. BUT on and off he still sleeps in my room.
more often than not if i do make him sleep in his own bed when he doesn't want to it creates an almighty meltdown - crying shouting thowing things - a terrible tantrum in other words - or a refusal to sleep - he says he won't be able to sleep so just doesn't!
Either way I am finding it easier for his sleep and my sanity to let him stay in my bed. but this is near on 2 years now and i have tried lots of things.
a new bedroom, a new bed and mattress, a new memory foam topper, change of night-time lights and so on.
I thought i'd cracked it as he was away with his dad on holiday and then we were away for a week and when i came back i was strict about him sleeping in his own bed. then it was the start of school and a change of routine for when he goes to his dads - his dad has moved house with his girlfriend so lots of change and he has started wanting to sleep back in my room.
I am desperate to be strict as feel he is playing me with all his excuses but at some level i can't help think he genuinely can't sleep in his bed because sometimes if i say he is not sleeping in my room, as i need to be up early for work or not feeling very well, he asks to sleep on sofa downstairs!
I got a bit cross the other day and said his new bed and the mattress topper cost a lot of money and he said it wasn't just that, it was that his bed is so narrow. he does spread out when in with me (which doens't help me sleep) and the shorty bed is not only shorter but also narrower which i hadn't realised. he is tall for his age so now i think i should try and sell on the high bed while it still has some value and get him a normal size bed (an expense i could really do without!) but the other part of me thinks there might not be anything i can do to actually get him to sleep in his bed other that put my foot down!!
any advice appreciated. his behaviour is normally so good in all else. maybe he just wants his mum and isn't able to express it but i don't think this is it as he would still rather sleep on sofa or floor rather than his bed!

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