Help my 5 year old struggle

[Laural3012]

My son and I unfortunately are survivors of domestic abuse and I couldn't hide him from all of it. I have been free for 3 years now but my son is i think has memories or remnants from his past life and does hurt other children and sometimes he doesn't even realise he's doing it. He gets very involved with games and is bossy. I so desperately want him to make friends the other mums think he's naughty and call him that to their children. Recently he was playing with string and the little girl ended up with marks around her neck. She didn't tell the teacher and the teacher didn't notice but the father is very angry the little girl told dad it was him. I have taken his toys from his birthday which was yesterday but how do I stop him hurting others cause this is not a one off. He at home is a wonderful sweet boy only child but in nursery and now in school he pushes, hits and has kicked but with the big incidents for instants he pushed a boys head under water once when I asked why he said cats drink water so it was a game he didn't even realise he was doing wrong. Please some one give me an idea I've done the appologise, taking away toys, sitting in reflection, no pudding no park I'm lost.

[Kingsclerelass]

My immediate thought - I'd be fairly worried if a teacher hadn't noticed that a child had left marks around another child's neck. Supervision....!

My Ds went through a phase a bit like this. He was more bossy/aggressive if he had too much screen time, if he was stressed, or he'd eaten sweets/processed food.

We made a rule that holding hands was ok but being rough, pushing, hitting, kicking was not. Ever. And then reinforced that over and over. What is your Ds's favourite thing - TV, tablet - every time he is rough, remove it for a day, if he does it again, two days and so on. Explain clearly & calmly. Then talk about something else, something positive. Don't blame your ds, or nag him. But no giving in either.

And lots of fresh air and exercise so he's too tired to want to rough&tumble. Bath & early bed routine. Which will give you some chill out time too.

If you have a childminder or afterschool care, enlist their help.

I completely get your anxiety over him having friends but you stressing won't help, because he can sense it and get stressed too. Why not invite one of his classmates over on Saturday. Plan something - Take them to the park or exploring the woods then back for snack. Give him a big cuddle if he is good, tell him what a nice person he is. Build up his confidence a bit. These things take time so decide on your strategy and stick to it firmly for six months.

At 5 he is old enough to know he's being naughty, and once he realises life is nicer when he is gentle with people, I'm sure he'll behave better.