hysterics when left at nursery

[buttercup]

My ds is one and has been going to nursery two days a week for about three months. He has always been really happy there and I've not had too many qualms about leaving him. However in the last fortnight he has suddenly become completely hysterical when I try and leave him. He gets himself so worked up that he goes blue in the face and cannot get his breath. This makes it very difficult for me to leave but I think hanging around to check he is alright seems to prolong the agony. They say he is fine/happy/playful once he's adjusted to being there. Does anyone else have experience of this? How did you handle it? Was it a passing phase?

[threeangels]

Buttercup, From all my experience working in daycares Ive seen kids do the exact thing. It is most always a stage they go through. It seems that the one year mark is when they start having seperation anxiety which can come unexpectedly. Prolonging the leave would make things more difficult especially if your child stills knows your their. I know its so hard to leave as Ive been there with my other two children. I just think the faster you leave the faster hell work on calming down. Most of the time they do. Or he may just need some adjustment time. If your son is fine when you pick him up (not crying) then I would not worry too much. Even if he seems like he has been though I would give it some time. Now that he is a little older he will have to figure out that you will return each day when hes dropped off. When their younger I dont think they even pay attention to anything. Good Luck

[SofiaAmes]

Yes, my son went through the same thing several months after he started with the childminder (he was 11 mo. when he started). It didn't last very long (a few weeks maybe) and the childminder said that he would stop crying within minutes of my leaving. When he went through the phase I handed him over and left quickly. Normally I sit and chat with the childminder for 10 or 15 mins. in the morning as I like to have my son see us interacting with each other.

[zebra]

DS was ok at nursery for about 9 months. 18 months old he suddenly became very clingy.

I tried the drop and run strategy -- no improvement after 3 months.

I tried the hang about for 1/2 hour strategy. For 9 months I tried to interest him in the nursery toys, other children. Usually I could slip out when he wasn't looking after a while. Negligible improvement.

2.5 yo... and the nursery gals cracked it. They now come meet me in the hallway and say, "Daniel, would you like to go to the big cupboard/get a train/look at the building site with me?" So DS chooses to go with them to do something fun. That's much better than watching his mom leave. It's seeing me leave that he can't bear.

DS is also old enough now that he sort of understands "See you later".
HTH -j

[DGD]

With my 11 month old it was a month long phase. She'd been attending nursery happily for 5 months when without any warning or discernable change to her nursery routine, she became very tearful and clingy when I indicated I was leaving. I felt terrible although like buttercup, I'd been assured by the staff that she perked up as soon as I left. They suggested I peek through the window when I left and sure enough within 2 minutes she'd busied herself with a book or toy and stopped crying. She's now 18 months old and we've never had a problem since.

[Ghosty]

When my 15 month old started to cling when I left him at Nursery it was hell. I would often get to work in tears. He didn't catch on that I was coming back. I made the mistake of leaving when he wasn't looking which had the knock on effect of his not wanting me out of his sight at home either and he would follow me around the house whingeing whilst I was trying to do housework etc. The nursery staff were fantastic and suggested that I started saying goodbye and giving him a kiss and saying that I would be back later. It had to be a short and sweet farewell. They also let me phone as soon as I got to work so that I was reassured that he was happy. He soon got the message and our goodbyes became very precious to both of us. The thing to remember is that once you have gone they are usually right as rain within 30 seconds and that it hurts you more than it hurts them. The little tinkers know what to do to upset you - it's how they get their demands met! By the time he is talking and understanding things he will understand that Mummy has to go to work and that you will come back!!