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5yo calling himself names/suggesting punishments

(8 Posts)
Heygirlheyboy Wed 16-Aug-17 23:39:59

This is a bit of a strange one but I'm hoping someone might have some insight. Ds (5) is generally a happy little boy, very well able and very active. He can be emotionally intense at times, namely when things don't go his way he can be upset and at times angry. We aren't into punishment as such, I know he's still learning to self-regulate etc so we will prevent him throwing/lashing out, wait with him while he calms down and then have a chat. In the last few weeks I've noticed that as he's calming down he'll say 'I'm such a mean boy, it's all my fault, I've ruined the day', the type of thing we very much wouldn't say, and he sometimes says 'take this toy away from me, it's all my fault', again not something we'd do. I find it quite unsettling that he's doing this and last night in his sleep, I heard him say 'I'm such a meany' sad he plays with friends on the road and we supervise most of time and there are two brothers who might say these things but to each other, but not constantly by a long stretch. IIt just seems so self-critical and id hate to think this is how he views himself. Any ideas?

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Orelia Thu 17-Aug-17 08:23:51

My DS (4.5) goes to nursery fulltime and has very occasionally come out with similar phrases. The way I approach it if DS would say something like "I'm naughty and I've spoiled it", would be to say something like "you're not naughty, you're a lovely boy. But I can see you got a bit frustrated there, is that why you did X?"

It nearly broke my heart once when he said "I'm horrible". All you can do is assure them they're not and direct them to new ways of explaining their behaviour/ describing themselves.

For me its important that my DS understands what is acceptable behaviour and also that he has a healthy, positive self-image with positive adjectives to describe themselves. Everyone is mean/rude sometimes.

Try: "you're a kind boy, not a meany. Did you snatch the toy because you felt a bit disappointed?"

Orelia Thu 17-Aug-17 08:32:20

Another way of explaining it is that it is the behaviour/action that was unacceptable not the person smile

Heygirlheyboy Thu 17-Aug-17 12:39:41

Yes thanks orelia , that's what I'm doing so at least that's something. He just seems so upset about it sad Maybe it's more common than I thought..

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robotsmania Sat 19-Aug-17 06:30:46

Yes my ds age 5 does similar.

If he does something bad he puts himself on a timeout, sometimes without telling me.

He'll come out of his room and he'll say I've been on a timeout because I've been naughty.

It's actually quite good for me as I was having trouble disciplining him before, and now he takes care of it himself!

But yes, I think the talking about it openly afterwards is the best plan. They've opened the conversation because they're trying to learn about it, so it's good to help them talking through it. Especially as it's a stereotype that boys don't talk about feelings etc

Heygirlheyboy Sat 19-Aug-17 13:14:19

That's a good observation thank you robot

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WombOfOnesOwn Thu 24-Aug-17 17:09:09

A child I knew who did similar was, as it turned out, hearing horrible and abusive things from his Sunday school teacher. Is there anybody who cares for your child who might be teaching him these phrases and ways of thinking about himself? The child I knew had a complete turnaround in attitude within a month of no longer being around the abusive teacher.

Heygirlheyboy Thu 02-Nov-17 14:30:42

Oh gosh Womb, only seeing this now! We have actually had a total change of situation and he's not said as much as one word if this since move.. former playschool teacher perhaps- pretended to be progressive but wasn't and was openly fed up of it by end of the year.

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