Worried about my 12 month olds development, need to know whats normal

(12 Posts)
AlexIsEverything Thu 27-Jul-17 12:55:51

i am the father of a wonderful boy who is now 12.5 months old, i am worried about his communication development. i wasn't worried a month ago until i saw a baby who was 12 months old pointing randomly, so i wondered about my son who id never seen point.

I checked on line and now realise that its a BIG RED FLAG. I followed the rabbit down the hole and now im convinced he will go on to get an ASD DX at some point and it breaks my heart.

He is happy, smiley, has belly laughs whilst playing with mummy, clever has been stacking blocks for months, feeding him self with a spoon from 6 months and seemingly social boy, my wife has been mixing with many groups and the NCT group multiple times a week.

I haven't paid much attention to his development up to recently so and as i haven't never spent time with kids before have no idea of what is '*NORMAL*'. I started to spend every waking hour i had with him and started to notice other things.

He doesnt respond to his name, almost never (i have seen strangers call him and he turns to them but very rarely for me or my wife but she says he does!) He doesnt respond when we say, give to mama or dada, if we gesture ie hand out and ask for something he will give it to us 50% of the time.

He mimics sounds quite regularly, clicks, raspberries, and now some words but doesnt very often mimics body language or actions. he has few gestures, barely lifts his arms but does, to be picked up, no waving, has started to point to pictures in books after a week of starting to actively pointing everywhere. Im not sure if he follows a long distance point, sometimes i feel he does and sometimes looks at my hand, some time he looks at my hand and then the object after. He looks at toys and bangs them together and then looks at us, so i feel there is at least some shared attention. Cries when he doesn't get what he wants, no attempt at communication.

After asking and opening my mouth he has fed me twice recently, at a kids party he was playing with an empty plastic cup that mummy used and was pretending drink from it and i asked if i could have some and opened my mouth and he put it to my mouth, this morning i brushed his hair and then mine and then gave him the brush and asked him to brush my hair and he did briefly.

Verbally he can be quiet and can be noisy, used to say baba, dada, gaga. mama, and other baby like sounds but the last month tends repeat the same similar sound of hi, hiya and dor, a-dor and some babbling, heard jargon once, but no mama/dada....

His eye contact can be fleeting, one day after nursery (was around for 30 minutes) he looked me in the eye once, the next day he started clapping randomly after i changed him (did clap a few times when copying mum at 7 months but then stopped) and keeping eye contact for 4/5 seconds.

He sometimes shows and shares toys when we sit with him but can happily play on his own for sometime if we dont, he does check in occasionally. If things are new or in a strange place he will interact a bit more, sometimes with eye contact, some times without.

He will play peek-a-boo and cover his face, lift it as if he is playing peek-a-boo. he also hides behind the sofa until we say 'where has baby gone' and he giggles and pops his head until he sees us and then goes back and does it 5/6 times before moving on to something else

He eats very well.
He sleeps 12 hours a night.
Plays normally with toys ie pushes cars around on there wheels apart from liking to open and close things, like doors and books but guessed that was normal at this age!

I think its the lack of response to name, i feel like the gestures might come in time but put it together and there are many red flags for ASD and many positives. im anxious about his future but dont know what to do, my mother and wife think he is fine and my wife is getting annoyed by me 'going on about it'. Ill also add i have my dad going into a care home and my brother due to go through a stem transplant due to cancer so the last year has been horrible and this boy has kept me sane, so dont know if im transferring or have actually concerns.

He has such a mixed bag, if i hadn't seen the internet then i would says he is fine but it has said that its the things he isn't doing not what he is. He is obviously progressing in some areas well but he communication feels very basic.

Im thinking of waiting until 16-18 months and see how he is then but every time we play it breaks my heart, why did they not tell you how hard it is to be a parent.

OP’s posts: |
Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Thu 27-Jul-17 13:22:41

He's 12 months old, lifts his arms to be picked up, plays peekaboo when you say 'where's baby gone', pushes cars around...

He sounds absolutely fine.

There's a test called the M-CHAT that's useful as an ASD screen but it's meant for kids over 18 months.

AlexIsEverything Thu 27-Jul-17 13:38:27

Thanks Pansie, your response actually brought a tear to my eye. I think that shows i might need help!

I have come across the M-CHAT, he would fail it at the moment but 5.5 months is a long time for him to develop!

He has many positives but also i am aware he is at high risk due to missing certain milestones now but it feels like if they are not answering all the time to their names by 12 months they have ASD, i saw somebody say it was 75% percent, not that i believe that there is no smoke without fire.

OP’s posts: |
Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Thu 27-Jul-17 14:18:49

But he does respond to his name - just not always. You're having one hell of a year, please don't worry too much about your kid - who sounds lovely btw.

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Thu 27-Jul-17 14:19:39

Try googling 'ages and stages' 12 months and stay away from the madder American sites.

mscongeniality Thu 27-Jul-17 21:18:13

Honestly? Your boy sounds absolutely fine. Please don't worry. I was like you a few months ago, and my son wasn't doing any of those things at 12 months! He only started pointing at 24 months! And he's been assessed and is completely fine, just a late bloomer.
I think pointing is supposed to happen on average by 18 months. The MCHAT is actually up till 30 months so you have so much time for him to develop. Just relax, he sounds perfect. smile

mscongeniality Thu 27-Jul-17 21:20:38

Milestones are not the be all, end all, they are a rough guide. If a child is missing the majority of them then yes it could be a red flag, but your son is doing so much other stuff so there doesn't seem to be anything to worry about.

Notyourusualthing Fri 28-Jul-17 10:27:07

It is worrying when you think there are issues, especially with everything else going on in your life. If I were in your position I would speak to my health visitor. They can do 12 month checks to make sure all on track and it will be an opportunity to discuss your concerns. Hopefully they can then reassure you /offer advice.

Ginmewinewinewine Sat 29-Jul-17 14:04:24

Please try not to worry. My ds is a year older than yours but I remember worrying so much that he wasn't pointing at 12months, like you , after reading something on the internet. Prior to this I had no concerns. Anyhow, he started pointing just a few weeks later !
Continue doing what you are doing, playing, talking to him, reading books and singing etc and the rest will follow.
Enjoy our baby - these early days fly by.

AlexIsEverything Mon 31-Jul-17 09:29:34

Thanks for the reassurances, i still have my concerns, about his understanding (name etc) but over the weekend i went to a kids party and he didn't seem different to his peers, apart from one little girl who is talking, others didn't always respond to their names, one was wild and sat on her own all day. They were all very different. We had a great Sunday of play as well, chasing him around the lounge until he cant move because of his laughter, this is what life is about!

I also spoke to my mum who said i was like it as well (didn't always respond and that i didn't speak till 2) and in her day, you dealt with what you got, their were no scans, no tests, you just love 'um and did your best!

He pointed last night at a picture of my wife on our wedding day as we walked past, so i think he is starting to get it, i think once he starts pointing to something he wants (real understanding and communication), my concerns will ebb away (or move elsewhere).

If he has ASD there is plenty of time to worry but i will look after him and love him regardless, he is who he is.

My obsessional behaviour will harm my family so i have to control it. He hasn't been diagnosed but i will watch and if he needs support i will push for it. Otherwise i will live for today.

OP’s posts: |
AlexIsEverything Tue 09-Jan-18 13:30:38

Update: as I hated not seeing how things turned out when looking for answers for my son, I felt I needed to post an update.

My son is now 18 months old and I have no worries about his development.

My son started pointing at 13 months, answering to his name shortly after, he doesn't wave but we hi-5 instead. He would have passed the M-chat at 14 months. He understands a lot of what we say but doesn't speak although he can sign a number of things now.

His progress has been amazing and so much can change so quickly. If you are reading this as you are concerned, take a pinch of salt with development guides on the Internet, a lot are misleading with the risks and red flags....

OP’s posts: |
LoveProsecco Wed 10-Jan-18 21:09:23

That's great smile

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