Nothing's ever good enough. Everything has to be done on his timetable. If he doesn't want to do something, he'll do everything he can to get out of it. He's rude, ungrateful, argues back and talks back the whole time.
Last weekend he was awful. He didn't want to go to a sporting club on the Friday as he wanted to play in the park, but we had paid for the club and last week was the last session. Told him he had to go. he accepted this but then refused to get ready. We4'd have had to dress him and carry him there. Didn;'t bother and sent him to bed at 6 instead. He ruined the whole evening by shouting, scraming at us, running up and down stairs, saying it's not fair.
His punishment was no ipad for a week and no park until he'd shown he can behave better.
This week he has been better but he came in from school today and went straight for the sweets for an after school snack. I said no - if you're hungry, there's crumpets, toast, cheese biscuits.
Got backchat and arguing, it's not fair. Tried to talk to him reasonably - here are your options. Which would you like? - he moaned again so I sent him up to his room.
He slammed the door and is having a strop.
He's totallty changed the atmosphere of the house in the first 5 mins after coming in. I really don't like his behaviour at the moment.
Help!!! Is this a phase? How can I deal more effectively with him?
We'd told him
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Behaviour/development
10yo DS DRIVING ME UP THE WALL
eelbecomingforyou · 24/05/2017 16:04
It's not exactly a phase, it's growing up 
. He is old enough to make some of his own decisions, including some he may regret a bit later, like missing a club. Try and think longer term. OK, you have paid for the club. But it was only one session. You don't have to demand 100 per cent attendance, you may waste some money but not too much if you see what I mean. Rather than expecting him to go to every session, you could have a rule along the lines of "if you miss two sessions in a row (etc) for no good reason then we don't pay for you to go back to that club in future", and he doesn't get to start a new club for a certain amount of time afterwards either. Whatever is reasonable. Make the rules clear in advance so it doesn't come as a surprise after he's already missed two sessions. If you are really skint then maybe make attendance at the club something he has to earn in some way - he has to demonstrate commitment before you lay out hard earned cash. What happens afterwards is up to him, he's earned the right to go or not so you don't need to fight over it.
I had a rule about music lessons with my DS - he liked the lessons but didn't like to practice, so it was up to him; I would pay for the lessons if he did 10 minutes a day practice. No practice, no lessons. His choice.
I would not be physically carrying a 10 year old - actually I'm quite impressed you managed it, I had to stop when DS was 4! Let your DS make (more of) his own decisions and accept the consequences of those decisions.
As for backchat and moaning - pick your battles. You can safely go a bit deaf and ignore most of it. There is no point escalating a moan into a tantrum. If no sweets straight after school is important to you then put the sweets tin away so it's not there to tempt him. Sweets are another long term thing, you don't have to challenge him right then. Have a discussion about sweets after school over the weekend (when he isn't tired and hungry!) and come to some kind of agreement that's more or less acceptable to both of you. It wont be much longer before he's buying his own junk food and it's better to discuss it sensibly and let him understand the reasons even if he doesn't always make the right decision.
You may need to have fewer rules, more negotiation, and give him more space to make his own decisions. 
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