5yo can't handle disappointment(6 Posts)
Today DS was given a cake in school as it was someone's birthday. On the way out of school he droppped it on the floor. He had a massive tantrum, begging me to let him eat it off the floor, and refusing to accept when I said no. It was on the floor in several pieces in a dirty pile of leaves. 5 second rule would not apply! This went on for at least 5 minutes. He walked off from me and I had to follow him! Loads of parents I know walked passed and one stood there just watching for ages! It was so embarrassing. Eventually he came home with me and he is now in time out. This is not the first time this has happened, though thankfully previous times were not outside school but were in public. I just don't know how to deal with these tantrums and I don't see other children his age having them. Any advice please?
I can suggest theoretical advice - but I have a similar sounding 5yo ds and don't necessarily keep my temper to do the following!
The most important thing is to validate his feelings, so say with feeling to match his level of upset something like "oh No! You must be so disappointed! I would be really frustrated if that was my cake. You're feeling really angry aren't You and I don't blame You!"
Then you could distract with something like, maybe we can make something else when we get home/buy a treat from the shop/do something special etc.
Then later on, talk to him about how it's not okay to walk off without you and get him to think of how else he might have coped with it.
But what I actually do? Usually shout...
Echo Misty9.... Talk about how annoying that must be but substitute disappointment with something else to distract or look forward to.
Sounds normal. My 5 yr old had a break down tonight as I said we couldn't go to the park or round his friends house.,
I try to remain calm, listen and explain. Give cuddles and let him work it out..
I'm sure you tried everything but when DS1 (4) does this I go for cheery distraction.
"Oh dear. Do you know what? I think there are some chocolate biscuits in the cupboard at home. Shall we go home and try to find them. I'll race you to the corner!" Type stuff.
Having said that, if my DS2 (2) doesn't change he'd be having none of it and would have ended up lying in the pile of leaves having a tantrum with cake in his hair!!
It's so hard. Everything is a phase. This too shall pass.
Thanks for your responses. It sounds as though I'm doing the right sort of thing (but maybe need to put more emotion into it!!!) and that it is kind of normal for kids his age. The next day I saw an older child refusing to go in and screaming at her mum at the gate which made me feel
better not alone. I offered him some cake I had at home to try and get him to leave but apparently it was the wrong 'sort'. You are right, deep breath, it will pass...and in the meantime.
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