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(16 Posts)
Bea22 Tue 23-May-17 11:26:16

My daughter is 2 she's at that stage where she screams and throws things for attention, I've found the best way to deal with this is ignoring her, which is perfect at home she screams for a while then she's back to playing, no drama... but in public should I let her scream? It's only for at max 1 minute and after she's okay! I went out for my birthday meal yesterday my whole family came together and as usual my daughter wanted it to be about her she began screaming... majority of my family ignore her like me but there's always one that wants to help and goes in bribing her with food which of course gets lobbed across the restaurant. So screaming turned into throwing and kicking which of course nobody wants to hear, my problem is this caused an older woman on a table close by to turn around look my 2 year old in the eye, point her finger straight out into her face and shout 'SHUT UP' louder than the screaming in the first place.. then casually turned back around to face her table and continue ordering her wine. I was so angry I'm still shaking I feel so humilted that someone would shout at a 2 year old they didn't even know.

buckyou Tue 23-May-17 14:22:38

No advice really but I feel your pain! We've given up taking my nearly 2yo to restaurants now unless it has some kind of play area or you can sit outside. She just will not behave at all so we've given up!

The woman shouldn't have shouted at the kid but it's not really fair to have kids in an adult environment if they can't behave approriately . I think the problem with ignoring is that to others it just looks like you are doing fuck all.

Wolfiefan Tue 23-May-17 14:24:27

You can't let a child scream in a restaurant but neither should you give in. Take toys and try distraction. If all else fails take the tantrum outside.

Out2pasture Tue 23-May-17 14:39:46

In public you need to deal with your child and keep them quiet and well behaved. At home do as you please.
Btw at 2 it is all about them not you.

Witchend Tue 23-May-17 14:58:23

If she's having a tantrum in somewhere like a restaurant then you either decide that you give in (assuming she's not distractable) or you take her out to be bored in the car/go home.

It's not fair on the other people.

as usual my daughter wanted it to be about her I find a little sad. She's 2yo. She wants attention as all 2yos do. That doesn't mean she wants it to be all about her. But you sound like you wanted her to be still and listen to adult conversation and eat quietly. Take toys, give her your phone (on silent) ,find something exciting for her to do. I used to find a couple of cheap things to wrap up for them to open if I really needed them to be quiet. They didn't have to be exciting or even new, but they loved opening a present and it kept them quiet while they opened it and then quiet while they played with it.

Dearohdeer Tue 23-May-17 17:28:51

A tantrum in a park is fine, a tantrum in a restaurant isn't. I have had to take my DS out a few times when he was being too loud for the environment.

Bea22 Tue 23-May-17 17:38:49

She's 2?! Are all parents supposed to live under a rock when you have kids and never venture out?

Bea22 Tue 23-May-17 17:39:54

Did I say all about Me?????? No I just meant she makes a bit more noise..

Out2pasture Tue 23-May-17 21:11:58

"my daughter wanted it to be about her"
OP your not suppose to live under a rock, your suppose to be somewhat in control of your children. You're the parent and in restaurants you need to parent unless you pass the child onto a family member to "parent" and if no one else does the parenting then don't be surprised if someone attempts to do what you should be doing in the first place.
lots of people choose to get a babysitter and leave the little ones at home.

PurpleDaisies Tue 23-May-17 21:17:17

She's 2?! Are all parents supposed to live under a rock when you have kids and never venture out?

No, but you can't leave her to scream in a public place. Either change your behaviour management or wait until the screaming phase is over.

PurplePidjin Tue 23-May-17 21:27:37

When they're this little you do stuff that's achievable - McDonald's, quick toastie in a cafe, places they can run around. You don't and can't dump them in a high chair with a colouring book and ignore them hmm

If your family want to include her in celebrations then a suitable venue needs to be chosen. At the moment she's still learning and she's expressing her frustration

Iloveanimals Tue 23-May-17 21:55:14

I don't think ignoring her in public is a great idea tbh. She needs to be taught what is right and wrong. Consistency and boundaries will pay off eventually.

Suntrapped Fri 26-May-17 20:23:32

Screaming for a couple of minutes is normal. My friends toddlers do it too. I wouldn't take mine out of the cafe if they calmed down quickly. I eat out a lot with my almost 2 year old (cafes at lunchtime). So what if she upsets a few people? I disagree toddlers should be seen and not heard. Mums with small children bring a lot of business to cafes. If my DD gets loud and boisterous we do get grumpy looks or people wincing but I don't care. People talk loudly, laugh loudly, clatter cutlery, do all sorts of noisy irritating things. For some reason toddlers seem to bring out rage in some.

I would have said something rude and cutting to the woman who shouted! Shame on her for being so nasty to a tiny child angry

Wolfiefan Fri 26-May-17 20:42:03

Screaming for minutes at a time is not acceptable when people are trying to have a nice lunch. It really isn't. Talking and chattering and playing quietly is fine. But screaming? No.

Suntrapped Sat 27-May-17 07:28:51

Screaming for minutes at a time is not acceptable when people are trying to have a nice lunch

Who makes the rules?
Screaming or crying for a couple of minutes is hardly prolonged noise. Lots of toddlers protest at being strapped into a highchair/having their hands wiped/waiting while you find their snack bag or toy.

I wouldn't take her to a fancy restaurant at this age, but most cafes are child friendly. People who can't tolerate a child being noisy for a couple of minutes should probably avoid cafes altogether!

Katastrophe13 Sat 27-May-17 12:59:02

If my 2yo kicks off in a restuarant situation I take her outside till she's calmed down. I don't think it's fair to ruin other people's meals with her screaming. That woman shouldn't have pointed in her face and shouted though. That's horrible and unnecessary to do to a toddler.

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