obsessive pestering?(21 Posts)
Hi, curious to know if my ds (3.5) pestering is normal. It's driving us crazy and really drives his behaviour.
He is fixated on the Paw Patrol Pawpatroller (this is a big toy, cost about £50!!) and talks about it all day, asks for it, every time I say he's been good he says 'can I have it now, then?', wants to look at photos & videos of it on YouTube etc. It is just relentless.
We've told him it's too much money, and not his birthday til Nov. He doesn't really get concept of time so this hasn't stopped the talking.
Every penny he finds he says 'we can buy it now!' He's quite switched on with it, all his games result in him NEEDING the pawpatroller to save the day. He pleads with us!
I can't convey in words just how obsessive he's become.
Should we just buy it? Money isn't too much of a problem but I don't want to reward this behaviour. We love buying him small things but he's never acted like this before.
What should we do? We could pay for it from his own piggy bank to try to teach him about money - or is he too young?
We don't want him to be spoilt but equally he's so desperate...
What would you do?
On ebay for about twenty quid if I'm looking at the right toy. I would get one but bear in mind that I am a terrible softie.
If he has the money in his piggy bank to pay - that makes sense - it'll be interesting to see if he remains as 'obsessed' by it once he has it - and then you'll know more for next time.
I wouldn't. It does reward the pestering.
But you could set a time before the birthday when he could have it. Treat to take on holiday?
Im making mine save for it (trampoline) we will just buy it in the summer but knowing they are saving has stopped the nagging some what.
I wouldn't. DD is the same age. They get fixated but it doesn't last very long. It will be a new fixation in a month and you will have wasted the money. No point in using his piggy bank at this age, money lessons won't register either.
I find making a version of whatever the latest obsession is can help. We make a lot of temporary toys out of cardboard boxes. I also find "wishing" helps the pestering pause (briefly) - "I wish I could get that for you, just imagine what that would be like! Wouldn't it be amazing." Etc. It shows you understand how much they want it, without having a logical adult conversation that they don't understand.
Making him wait till Nov seems a bit mean - that's forever to him! Personally I would buy it for him. I think this kind of pestering is pretty normal (although v irritating) for his age, and not 'bad' behaviour like tantrums or hitting etc. He just really really wants it!!
My 3.5 year old is very similar, he can become totally fixated on a particular toy and won't shut up about it. I wouldn't buy him it just yet, we caved and he played with the toy for about 20 minutes before moving on to the next thing! It seemed to be more about getting the toy rather than the actual toy itself IYSWIM.
The TV advertisers have done a good job!!!
I'd probably buy it myself but try and give it to him when he's not asking for it.
Hmm, it's a tough one when their birthday is near to Christmas as they have to wait so long between occasions! I'd maybe manufacture an occasion - the end of term at nursery or something - and find a reason to get it as a present. But making it a big thing about the occasion, not that you've just bought it on a whim, if that makes sense. Or as a reward for a completed behaviour chart? Choose lots of things eh brushing teeth, not getting out of bed that are achievable so he racks them up quickly?
I'd just buy it as a future lesson for yourselves!! If he suddenly wants something different you'd know not to bother again.
Perhaps don't present it to him though whens he's been recently begging for it, so he doesn't match up begging = prize.
Buy it, hide it, and wait until he's been good before surprising him.
I must be the meanest mum then.
Because I'd say no. And mean it. The conversation here generally goes "If you still want it when it's your birthday, we will talk about it then. But I'm not going to discuss it until the beginning of your birthday month."
I don't give into pester power. Not for icecreams, not for £50 toys, not for play stations.
We still have ice creams, we still have large numbers of toys (and we aren't getting a PlayStation/Nintendo/whatever).
Practice meaning no with him now when he's three, and you'll be in the habit when he's 15.
Thanks for you thoughts everyone. Seems a mixed view. I'm a bit of a softie and really remember that desperate 'need' for something as a kid. Think we'll do a good behaviour reward jar, and he can have it once he's filled the jar.
He wasn't into anything really at Christmas / birthday so feel like he missed out on getting something he really wanted (I realise how lucky he is!)
I'd probably buy the Paw Patroller - but that's because DD2 does play a hell of a lot with her collection of Paw Patrol toys and I know adding to it would just increase the number of emergencies she could send them on (she lines them all up and allocates them missions - and the duplicate pups get told to go along as well - so you get "Zuma you go to Farmer Yumi's barn... other Zuma... you go with him too") and it's just too bloody cute for words.
Mind you - I bought Tracker and his vehicle so I'm a sucker anyway.
I would use it as a reward for something you would like him to change. My dd really loved shrek and had her heart set on a toy was she was this age, she was also terrible for waking in the night and coming through and getting in our bed for the night. I made a chart and explained if she managed to sleep in her own bed all night until morning for 10 nights I would get her the shrek toy. Every morning we would mark off the day on the chart, I kept the chart in her bedroom so she would see it before going to bed. It took us around 3 weeks to fill 10 whole nights. I bought her the toy, and it was a habit changing exercise for her. She also lost interest in the toy after a few days once she had it!
How about a week of best ever teeth brushing or tidying of toys?
A week of whatever needs a tuck in his behaviour (if anything?)
Then a shopping trip?
Or eBay and wait for parcel person?
I wouldn't shell out £50 for a toy unless it was birthday/Christmas either OP. Our DS2 got the paw patroller (half price) for his birthday and loves it, but it's not an every day toy it's definitely a gift.
I would shell out £50 for a toy if I really thought he was going to love it, but I'd scale back on birthday / Xmas as a result.
How long will the toy keep him happy for? Maybe a few days? And then it will be something else. I wouldn't get it and wouldn't allow him access to videos or pictures of it.
I'd have to say no. This could only lead to further pestering, plus I think it's too expensive when it's not his birthday - however my little boys birthday is in November and I have thought about celebrating his half birthday with a little gift when he is older as otherwise he would have to wait the 11 months from Christmas. It's tricky
I'd say he can have it for his birthday/Christmas whichever is sooner. He can't just have £50 worth of toys for no reason!
I have a very pestering child. Someone told me about the 'asked and answered' approach. Basically the child asks the question and you answer it with a yes or a no. If it's a no and they ask again, you explain that the child's already asked the question and you've answered it.
The subsequent times they ask you say 'asked and answered!'. Nips the conversation in the bud. Works a treat on my DD, she's even started to use it on her younger relatives which I find v amusing.
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