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Help with DS (4) behaviour

(8 Posts)
grainmum Thu 11-May-17 13:53:36

Struggling a bit just now with DS behaviour and ideas of ways to approach this.

We just made a nice sandwich for lunch together, he was really pleased with his and excited to eat it. As he put it at the table the lid slipped slightly - so he swiped his hand at the whole sandwich and part of the lid and lettuce fell on the floor. After some crying/tantrum I agreed to put a new piece of bread on for the lid. He asked for more lettuce but I declined as he had thrown it on the floor. He then cast the whole plate onto the floor. He wants another sandwich. He isn't going to get one!

He has been crying, has tipped all his toys out all over his bedroom. He is probably hungry. I have offered fruit which is what we would normally have next, but he has resisted this so far, just keeps crying and going back to wanting another sandwich. He has hit me several times.

This is one example of a series of similar episodes recently. How would you handle it? How can I help him cope with his anger? What sanction can I have for extreme unacceptable behaviour such as hitting? All ideas welcome.

2014newme Thu 11-May-17 13:57:33

I think you ate being too harsh.
His sandwich fell to N the floor. Make him another one. Keeping him hungry by only giving him fruit won't help his behaviour and teaches him the food will be withheld as a punishment.

You said it fell on the floor but you refused him more lettuce as he threw it. Don't d it fall or did he throw it? As it sounds more like an accident

SleepFreeZone Thu 11-May-17 13:59:04

I would have been so happy my son had shown an interest in eating a sandwich independently I have to say I wouldn't have picked that battle personally.

Wando1986 Thu 11-May-17 13:59:52

Just make him another sandwich and don't rise to the behaviour confused

grainmum Thu 11-May-17 14:02:41

Sorry not clear. He deliberately swiped his sandwich with his hand in temper and the lid landed on the floor with lettuce. He has eaten apple now and had a long cuddle so is feeling a bit better.

If I made another one he may well have swiped that plate onto the floor as well? Was trying to teach that the consequences of throwing your food around is that you then can't eat it, it doesn't just magically get related, rather than punish by withholding food.

However thank you for your input - all points of view considered!

2014newme Thu 11-May-17 14:08:18

Ok so the key info that he deliberately threw it on the floor was missing from your op.
I used to do an immediate time out for throwing dinner on the floor. 4 mins, one min per age.
But I would have still given him lunch as hunger doesn't help behaviour and withholding food as a punishment is not on.
Have a chart and stick a happy face on it when he doesn't throw dinner on floor and het gets a sticker.
Reward tge good behaviour but consequences for bad behaviour that ate not food related.

FaintlyHopeful Thu 11-May-17 14:18:59

If you normally offer fruit, then that's fine you are being consistent. Sounds like he is a bit overwhelmed with being angry and needs to be helped to calm down, but also needs to understand that hitting is totally unacceptable. You could identify a place where he can have time out to calm down and pitch it as getting his calm head back. It might help to pre-empt the situation by asking him if he is feeling angry/ upset/ frustrated and needs to go to his calm down place before it kicks off. Then tons of praise for calming himself down.
In fairness this is normal albeit extremely testing!

LivininaBox Sat 13-May-17 21:59:19

Why not just pick it up and put it back on the plate? It wont kill him.

Your DS obviously has trouble controlling his temper, but I don't see the point of punishing once the behaviour has ended. If he was repeatedly throwing then I would send him down from the table for 2 mins to calm down.

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