My 3.5yr old dd's behaviour at groups is terrible

[Queazy]

It's really getting me down. She never joins in, which is of course not a 'terrible' thing at all, but she's sulk, lie on the floor, beg for snacks, cry that she wants to go home, shout etc. I'm starting to give up on taking her places. Her behaviour is very challenging. My 15mo ds needs to get out too though.

If your dc are outright naughty in groups do you speak to them, give them a warning, then leave if they're too disruptive? I want to give her a chance to build her confidence and attention up, but today I could tell the other mum's were getting impatient with her behaviour.

My dd whinges and complains no matter what I suggest doing. It's just exhausting and my patience is wearing so thin :(

Any advice or thoughts from your experience?

[Bejeena]

What groups are you doing and how long/how many a week? Is this on top of nursery etc? I notice that my 3.5 year old needs more chilling tome and play time at home, which is a pain as 1 year old really needs to get out to playgroups etc but I have had to cut down and take younger one when eldest is at nursery

[Bejeena]

Sorry should say, he was acting like this at groups etc hence we cut down, only do 1 a week and he is much better

[Queazy]

It is on top of nursery so maybe I shouldn't do them anymore. That's a good point. My 1yr old goes to nursery too, but they don't do nice music classes there so I just wanted them to enjoy it. Maybe it's too much. To be honest her behaviour is also terrible outside of groups, but I think the public embarrassment really got to me today. Bless her, she's incredibly hard to spend time with at the moment. She's very rude and volatile and I find myself constantly asking her not to shout/hit her brother/be rude etc. It's exhausting. I think I need to read the Lovebombing book I bought months ago! I know she's only 3yrs so it has to be down to something we're creating at home really, or the fact she hates nursery.

Thanks so much for your response. I really appreciate it

[isthistoonosy]

I've not read the love bombing book but we did lots of hugging and looking after each other to work on this. So teaching the kids we are all responsible for looking after each other, and giving them a little more responsibility. Also that other kids aren't part of their game, they have their own will (still working on that one).

[isthistoonosy]

Sorry got distracted there and forgot my point - so they are responsible for the other kids having a fun time, so if they don't want to join in they should do something else instead.

[NuffSaidSam]

'cry that she wants to go home'

She's telling you what the problem is there. She doesn't want to be there. Maybe she's bored or tired or anxious or just needs to chill.

You might find if you listen to her and respond, then she might listen and respond better to you.

Obviously, there is a line and you shouldn't let her dictate everything and rule the roost, but there's something wrong when you're taking her to a music group because you want her to enjoy it and she's lying on the floor crying!

If you have to go for the baby then you can find a compromise. Acknowledge her feelings, 'I know you don't like this singing group, but we need to take DS'. Then you can give her some responsibility as a 'helper'. She can be the big girl helping with DS. Or bring a snack and colouring and she can do that. And then find something that she does want to do for after, so maybe 'if you can help me with DS at singing today and be a really good girl afterwards we will go and feed the ducks/go for a baby latte/do a puzzle/watch a movie'.

[SleeplessintheSE]

DD is 3.5 and also behaves terribly when we take her to groups. She does 3 long days at nursery and eventually we just decided not to do any (apart from one drop in sports one which is very small and we don't go every week). She's an introvert and just finds it too much to be 'on' all the time.

I don't much like groups either so this is something of a relief.

[Queazy]

These responses are so helpful thank you. I think I find the groups give some structure to the day, and she always talks about going to them excitedly. That said, I don't think either of us particularly like them when we're there, and you're right that it's obviously too much for her. I don't blame her - they're pretty full on! I think I'll cancel groups and give us some time to chill. Maybe that'll improve other areas of behaviour too if she's less tired xx

[NuffSaidSam]

I know the urge to structure the day, otherwise it can seem so long when you're home with little ones!

I still loosely structure the day even if we're not going to groups, just for my own sanity. So maybe;

breakfast
park
lunch
nap/DVD
an arty activity if they're in the mood or free play if they're not.
tea
free play
bath, story, bed.