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Nighttime pull-ups at 5... and DMs reaction

(34 Posts)
CustardLover Tue 09-May-17 23:34:32

My DS(5) is still in pull ups at night. He's not wet every night but perhaps 1 in 2/3. He's in the top bunk and does wake up to go and do a wee in the night sometimes - he has a touch nightlight for this purpose plus we have a motion sensor light outside his bedroom door which turns on when he leaves his bed, both of which mean he has good illumination when going to the loo. We have been pretty relaxed about it and he still wear pull-ups - we have tried him without for a few weeks at a time but the constant waking him and changing the bed was making him exhausted in the morning. To be clear, he hardly ever work when wet himself - we discovered he was wet when checking on him and then work him to change him. The doctor isn't worried about it. However, my DM had (another - fairly typical) meltdown about his pull-ups this afternoon, stating that 'it's not normal' and that it was 'neglect' because he is in a bunk bed and therefore doesn't want to leave the bed to use the toilet, and that I am both psychologically and physically damaging him. Now, as I said mainly he sleeps through being wet and we just discover it in the morning or if we check on him before going to bed so the logic doesn't necessarily chime for me (e.g. It's not like he's waking up because he needs to go to the loo but then not going because he's scared to, as my mum seems to be claiming) but, following a monumental row, as usual, I am now worrying if she is right and if I am holding my son back by a) allowing him pull-ups and b) having him in a bunk. Is she right? Should I change things?

DeanKoontz Tue 09-May-17 23:40:41

She is being ridiculous. Get her to educate herself; good website here.

It's quite normal to be still bedwetting at 5 and using pull ups is common.

I would consider putting him in the lower bunk though, just because it's nearer, and less hassle to get to the toilet when he does start waking for a wee.

CustardLover Tue 09-May-17 23:44:34

I am trying very hard to ignore my anger at my DM's style of nonsensical, irrational, horrid (but all to familiar) approach (Her: 'he will end up confused around sexuality because you are neglecting him in this important toilet area, because you are selfish and lazy.' Me: What? Mum. That is nonsense - wearing pull-ups does not make you gay and IF HE IS I am totally fine with that. Her: <screams> Ridiculous! You selfish woman, not fit to be a parent!) etc etc. But now the waves of rage have subsided, what do you think, is there any substance there? (Not the point about sexuality, but the point about the bunks).

CustardLover Tue 09-May-17 23:45:34

Thank you! Cross-posted but very glad to hear the ridiculous word from outside my own head. I have a littler one in the lower bunk so reluctant to swap him but maybe I will just to try.

fixyourgardengate Tue 09-May-17 23:47:34

My ds, also 5, is still in pull ups at night. I'm not worried. He is a ridiculously deep sleeper. I haven't taken him to our gp or amything, despite the fact his little sister is dry at night. I guess I might look into it next year if he is still regularly waking with a full pull up, but if it isn't bothering him or you I'm not really sure what it has got to do with your mother.

DeanKoontz Tue 09-May-17 23:52:11

Based on your second post, I would be limiting contact with this woman. She's mad not supportive and, as you state she was screaming, will be having a negative effect on your son if he can here all her crazy ranting about him.

Fair enough to put him in the top bunk if you have a little one in the bottom.

Fwiw, my son became dry over night at age 5. I think the GP will offer support and referrals from age 8. I wouldn't be worried about it yet.

fixyourgardengate Tue 09-May-17 23:52:41

Goodness, just seen your update. Do not give her the headspace!

DeanKoontz Tue 09-May-17 23:52:59

hear, not here blush

fannydaggerz Tue 09-May-17 23:55:14

My son is 6 in November and still has a bulky pull up every morning.

He's a really deep sleeper. I did wake him at 11 to go for a wee but he was exhausted so I stopped and just left him to it.

statetrooperstacey Tue 09-May-17 23:55:22

My first dc was dry at night by 2 yrs.
My next 4 were all dry at night by ooh about age 9grin
We are a family of bedwetters! I have used night time pull ups for my last 3 and my 6 year old is still in them now, also a top bunk.
He will grow out if it. You are correct in your approach your mother is not.
Your son cannot control it and neither can you. Did you or your dh wet the fed as a child? It's often hereditary, I did!

munchkinmaster Tue 09-May-17 23:57:08

Those pull ups are full of the gay. It's catchy catchy.

On a serious note I have a 5 year in pull ups. Deep sleeper. Next year we'll go for an electric buzzer type thing.

porkandcheese Tue 09-May-17 23:59:11

My DD is six and still in pull ups at night. My eldest DD was out of them by 4. We have done nothing different between the two. Both were potty trained in time for pre-school, both are voraciously independent in other aspects, and both stopped getting night time drinks before bed and do toilet trips at bedtime as routine from age 4. Youngest DD genuinely doesn't get the trigger in the middle of the night and is mortified by the idea of wetting herself at night so I have stopped trying to get her out of pull ups until she wakes up dry in the morning. By all accounts, some children still have pull ups aged 8. Having spoken to nannies, childminders and teachers it would seem it is chemical well as nurture. Don't be too hard on yourself.

ExplodedCloud Wed 10-May-17 00:10:45

I am pretty sure from a friend's experience that they aren't interested in referring children to the hospital unless they're not dry in the day at older than 5, let alone the night!
Your mother has some quite odd ideas and an unpleasant delivery of those ideas. The less you tell her the better.

CustardLover Wed 10-May-17 00:13:07

Thanks all. I will give it another go in a couple of weeks and perhaps give him a stint in the bottom bunk while trying it out to see if that helps but very reassuring to read that (as I had thought) it's really not a huge drama.

And re the cutting contact with DM out, sigh. I hear you. My poor DH. I don't think I ever will be able to for various duty/guilt reasons but it is madness. Another recent gem (just for my own therapy really):
Her: (DS3) is a liar. He said he was first in the queue at the playground but he wasn't and pushed in front of another little boy at the slide; I was so ashamed!
Me: 'ok, well, he's 3 - he needs to learn about queues and telling the truth. I bet they all do that - no excuse but no massive drama. You should explain to him.'
Her: oh he knows what to do; he's a liar! A devious child! It's not normal! I've never known a child that age lie!' (as if she's some sort of child behavioural psychologist - she's not.)
Me: 'actually, I think it's a totally normal stage. <looks it up in the parenting book while she's there> interesting, it actually says it's a sign of intelligence and something humans can do that makes us distinct from animals!' <getting carried away with reference browsing>
Her: 'oh yes, he's intelligent all right, intelligent LIKE HITLER. There's something wrong with him!'

I swear to god this actually happened. I realise it sounds incredibly far-fetched but honestly. I am laughing about it now but was obviously very much not at the time and frankly worried to leave her anywhere near sharp objects. She is bonkers and deifies one of my sons and (almost literally - she is getting religious as she gets older) demonises the other one. My poor poor DH.

ExplodedCloud Wed 10-May-17 00:16:51

Has she always been like this? She's sounding very odd...

sailawaywithme Wed 10-May-17 00:23:28

I could have written your post, minus the bunk beds! My just-three year old boy is dry during the night (always) but my almost-six year old wears pull-ups. Doctor unconcerned, my mother things we're setting him up for "issues". WTF. Jog on.

CustardLover Wed 10-May-17 00:25:31

I love mumsnet. Thank you - good to hear. While in the white heat of the row I am very sure of myself, it's in the hours following that the guilt, dread and self-doubt creep in and start me self-flagellating.

randomuntrainedcuntowner Wed 10-May-17 00:28:19

My dd was also in pull-ups to this age. I may have been able to push it to younger, but frankly I AM lazy. I waited until she was always dry in mornings and then just stopped. And she never wets the bed. What's the point in rushing things and making life hard for yourself?!

ForeverFearless Wed 10-May-17 07:58:09

My DS was 6 when he stopped wearing night time pull ups. We tried loads of times to wean him off them (MIL pressure was definitely a factor) which just resulted in him soaking the bed all the time and making him feel awful and like a failure. Was so upsetting so I just kept them on him and he stopped himself eventually.

My daughter still needs them and she's 7 and showing no signs of staying dry. Her pull ups are very wet every morning which tells me the hormone to limit night time weeing hasn't kicked in yet. School nurse agrees.

Try not to worry. I know it's hard esp with that kind of pressure from DM.

joannegrady90 Wed 10-May-17 07:59:53

My DD is a heavy sleeper and was in pull ups at night until age 6.

Chin up, my your DD sounds like mine!

MissWilmottsGhost Wed 10-May-17 08:09:02

flowers My DM has said that sort of shit too, I try to ignore her but it is hard not to get drawn in. I don't see her much anymore.

DD is still in pull ups at night aged 5, but talking to her classmates' mums it seems it is not at all unusual.

We tried waking her at 11pm but she was exhausted and often wet anyway, we will have another go in the summer when I can get everything washed and dried.

DM would be horrified so I don't discuss it with her. She would say me and my brothers were dry by 1 but I know she lies forgets things that happened a long time ago.

eatingtomuch Wed 10-May-17 08:14:22

My DD was wearing pull ups at 5 and beyond. When she stopped wearing them at home she liked to wear them if somewhere unfamiliar. We never made a big deal about it and she is now 13 and had no issues day or night. Ignore ML.

Ilovewillow Wed 10-May-17 08:47:46

She sounds like a real barrel of laughs! She is being ridiculous and IMO cruel! Ignore her it's quite common to be in pull ups at 5 at night.

NamedyChangedy Wed 10-May-17 08:52:48

Gosh, you poor thing. I really hope your children aren't exposed to her views. It sounds like she could use some support herself. Pull ups are the least of your worries right now, I imagine... flowers

halcyondays Wed 10-May-17 10:11:02

Your DM is talking nonsense, carry on doing what you're doing and ignore her.

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