dd2 won't hold my hand whilst walking along the road

[nearlythree]

She's nearly three. She's very wilful and has no concept of danger or road safety at all. To make matters worse we live on a quiet lane and often walk down the middle of it, but cars can suddenly appear out of nowhere. ther is a path for most of it but dd2 throws a total fit if she doesn't walk in the lane. At the bottom of the lane the road gets busy and she needs to be close to me esp. a sparents from the school use the end of the lane for turning. I want to start taking her out for walks with baby ds in his buggy, too.

What can I do? I've tried a wrist strap, but either she slips it or I end up yanking her like she's a reluctant labrador.

[crystalpony]

Reins. I used the threat of reins to encourage my dd to hold hands and she much preferred that to the indignity of 'looking like a baby' in her words.

[RustyBear]

You hold her hand. And on the path.
Sorry, but if cars 'appear out of nowhere' the middle of the road really isn't an option.

[Twiglett]

have to ask why you're giving your 3 year old so much control over this

walking in the middle of the road because she complains

hold her hand / arm or shove her in the pushchair with straps on and put DS in a sling

[Lmccrean]

Could she be your "helper" to push the pram? Buggyboard?

[nearlythree]

I know, it sounds so easy, but it isn't. Sometimes she fights so hard I'm worried I'll hurt her wrist. She isn't particularly verbal - 'looking like a baby' has no meaning for her. I can't physically carry her to pre-school which is the only other option - she lies down on the path and refuses to move. Ds is too big for a sling.

[Twiglett]

can you get him a backpack then

I've got an almost 3 year old I know, and sympathise

BUT

you cannot let her win on road safety you just can't

[Twiglett]

you won't hurt her wrist .. and if she fights so hard she hurts herself then she won't do it again will she

[Miaou]

I had this with ds when he first started walking. I would take the buggy with me (he was 17 months at the time so couldn't walk far anyway). As soon as he started struggling to let go of my hand, I put him in the buggy. It only took a few trips for him to make the connection.

You have to have a "consequence", nearly three - the buggy option is a good one if you can manage it because even if she throws a complete wobbly you can just strap in and go without much of a disruption to the walk. If she won't walk on the path or hold your hand, then tell her that she must do as she is told or go in the buggy - then you must follow through. If the buggy is not an option then reins is the next best thing - but if she kicks off big time then it might be difficult to put them on her. The key is to be consistent so that she knows that her actions will draw the same consequences every time.

[Miaou]

ah, x-posts - I was thinking you could use the buggy for dd if ds was in a sling. However as Twig says, maybe a backpack would be an option, even just for this short phase.

[Cashncarry]

God I really sympathise with you nearlythree - my DD is 2 and a bit and just as wilful. We were in the carpark the other day and she just ran out into the road bit without a second thought I nearly pooped myself and really shouted at her

I think the key here is consistency. At three years old, she's had some time to get over her bad habits and it will take a little time to "break" them. If you want to keep DS in the pushchair, and wrist reins aren't an option then the full reins will probably be the answer. She will probably just drop to the floor like a stone but you'll have to keep dragging her up until she gets the message.

I wouldn't put her back in the pushchair tbh. It's only postponing the problem rather than sorting it permanently. It'll just be a long hard road for both of you until she finally gets the message with road safety.

Good luck xx

[nearlythree]

Dd2 hasn't been in a buggy for well over a year! The consequence for her is that she gets picked up, but I can't carry her that far. We do walk to school with a friend, so I suppose I could get her to walk dd1 to school and me bring dd2 back home. I agree, I can't let her win - this is a new situation. I really struggle to keep my grip on her wrist, she twists and turns, lies flat...I never had a moment's worry with dd1 and this is all very new to me.

[Cashncarry]

time to get into her bad habits - sorry

[nearlythree]

Full reins might be better - I just wish I could find a way of talking to her but she just can't be reasoned with. 'Rewards' don't work either - things like stickers go totally over her head.

[Cashncarry]

Poor you - sounds like a highly stressful situation for both of you.

Maybe sing a favourite song really loudly while you're dragging her along with her reins to try to calm yourself

Seriously, I'll be watching this thread for good tips from seasoned mothers. I'm hoping it's just a phase though...it really is the terrible twos, isn't it?!

[Cashncarry]

Sometimes reason really doesn't work. Just doing it over and over and over and over again until she gets the message.

That or locking her in the house until puberty

[nearlythree]

She's three at the end of this month! She really is the sweetest little thing, but when she gets an idea in her head... She is so independent, she opens the fridge and cupboards to get herself drinks, pours her own ketchup...whereas dd1 has always treated me like her personal skivvy and wants everything done for her - she'll quite happily hold my hand too!

[Miaou]

Ah right - I was thinking of using the buggy on the basis that she would hate it ie, big punishment! The great thing about reins is, as has been pointed out, you can just pick her up and put her back on her feet with them without hurting her or you. We had some of those leather ones with the big piece across the chest so it spreads the pressure - I felt more comfortable about using those than the ones that are just strips of fabric. Persevere - you'll get there

[nearlythree]

Of course, dd2 wants to be just like dd1 and she sees her walking w/out holding hands (dd1 is 5).

[nearlythree]

Thanks, Miaou. I feel so self-conscious whenever I have used the wrist reins, people must be judging me for having an uncontrollable child. I will have to track down some proper reins then.

[Miaou]

these are exactly like the ones we had!

[Miaou]

Try not to worry about what other people think, nearlythree - at the end of the day, dd's safety is paramount and overrides any other considerations (and I say this as one who has used them on my own dd2 in the past )

[nearlythree]

Thanks Miaou, I was going to try eBay! (have just been trying to find some BNWT Tweenies soft toys for dd2's bday!)

[Cashncarry]

Honestly - use the reins! The one Miaou has linked to look fab. I bought mine from Boots for a fiver but tbh I don't generally hold the strap - it's just there for those times when she refuses to hold my hand.

I put them on as soon as we leave the house so the threat is that I will hold the straps rather than I will put them on (too much trouble to do that mid-tantrum!).

Ignore the comments. I do! The only time I didn't is when I got a comment about dragging her along from what looked to be a 14 year old girl

So I told her to mind her own business, get off the street corner and go and read a book

That's the only time I've ever answered back and boy, it was liberating!

[Gobbledigook]

Oh I have this problem too! Never was a problem with ds1 or ds2 but ds3 (2.5) is a nightmare. When I'm doing a quick drop off I end up carrying him. I do let him walk but if he won't hold my hand I say I'm going to pick him up (which he doesn't want). I still have to hold his wrist quite tightly or else he just decides he's letting go and runs off which is obviously not an option!

I need to get some of those reins because he's getting too big to be in a pushchair imo - he's perfectly capable of walking, and loves walking, but he's just so hard to control - especially when I'm watching a 4 yr old and 5 yr old as well.

[Marina]

nearlythree, I think the baby goods mail order firms (Perfectly Happy People eg) do a little gadget which is like a backpack for the older toddler - with a retractable running rein poking out of the back of it.
She looks like she's wearing a little rucksack - you put the rein on lock, bob's your uncle. Non-bolter
Reins with a harness much better for people like your dd2 - no accidental/exasperated tugging on little wrists, and better for them all around.