DD9 and touching herself

[MrsWhirly]

Like most children my DD starting exploring herself at about 3yrs. We largely ignored it, but as she has gotten older we have had to speak to her about privacy and that it is not appropriate to do it anywhere other than her bedroom.

Despite this and her now being 9yrs, I regularly catch her in the front room touching herself while DS4 is in the room watching TV. I'm afraid that today I lost my temper, shouted at her and told her it was disgusting that she was doing this while her dad was a few feet away in the kitchen & DS4 in the same room.

She apologised but I have no faith that it won't happen again. What do I do? Thank you x

[corythatwas]

You treat it like any other lack of manners: picking your nose, yawning without covering your mouth etc- pull her up calmly and firmly every single time. Make it clear that the problem is not touching yourself per se, but that doing it in front of other people is ill-mannered and that you cannot be doing with poor manners.

However, if she is still doing it in public at her age, I would also secretly start thinking about why. Is she under stress?

[MrsWhirly]

Thanks. I just assumed she likes it?! Would you expect her to stop in even if she was doing it in private?

[Cammysmoma]

I really don't have any advice to you.. but agree with treating like any other 'bad manors' I.e picking nose. If I were you I'd probably freak out and head to mumsnet too lol.
Maybe you could chat with her? Like ask her why she is doing it? (I don't know) but I think 9 is so young! Maybe she has seen something on tv she shouldn't have or even worse! I don't think it's something you should brush off entirely. X

[BastardGoDarkly]

I agree to just.. Stop it dd, you're not alone... Keep the emphasis on 'not in company ' rather than ' stop it'

[ShelaghTurner]

Have posted about my 5yo before. She's at it constantly and I have to just keep repeating "that's private dd2, bedrooms and bathrooms, remember?" She then slopes off elsewhere . Never had this with my 9yo at all but DD2 ain't giving it up any time soon! And that's fine, it just shouldn't be for all to see.

[corythatwas]

MrsWhirly Tue 25-Apr-17 09:42:18
"Thanks. I just assumed she likes it?! Would you expect her to stop in even if she was doing it in private?"

No. Private is private. It's an important distinction that she needs to learn at her age. I don't see anything very worrying in her wanting to do it per se; even very small children can work out that it feels nice and I believe some adults think so too. Humanity has known about this long before the invention of television.

What would concern me is her not being able to stop doing it in a situation where she knows it is socially unacceptable. So I would keep an eye on general stress levels.

[thethoughtfox]

Don't call it disgusting. Have you talked to her about the full sex, bodies, privacy stuff?

[MrsWhirly]

Yes, have had talks with her about sex and bodies from a young age, which have been non-eventful. Have always been clear it's fine to do, but only in privacy of her room but keep catching her at it in the front room