Signs of aspergers in 3.5 year old?

[KW89]

I've had concerns about my 3.5year old DS for a while, though my husband disagrees and doesn't think there is anything wrong.

DS is very shy, painfully shy, he seems very anxious meeting new people, he won't talk to them and hides behind me. He will talk to people he is familiar with and sees regularly, and plays nicely with his younger brother. He goes to preschool three mornings a week and is shy there, though has recently made a friend who he keeps talking about (he's been there since Sept)

He is very bright, reading CVC words, can write all letters neatly, can count to 100 and add numbers together.

Speech was average up until around a year ago, we now have regular comments on his extensive vocabulary.

Does 100 piece puzzles with ease.

Becomes quite obsessed with things, when he was younger it was letters, now he is obsessed with road signs and could probably tell you what most signs mean.

Incredible memory. As in he can remember the route to peoples houses after only travelling there a couple of times.

Very fussy eater.

Can be very emotional, this afternoon he got in a right state because we were reading 101 dalmatians and the puppies looked sad!

Can get anxious about random things for instance my nan has these sensor things in the corner of each room, and he noticed them and wanted to know what they were and why, and got really het up and worried, I'm not entirely sure why.

Am I being paranoid like my husband thinks, or is it worth speaking to HV?

[Ellieboolou27]

I think as his mum you should go with your gut feeling, he doesn't sound much different from my dd when she was the same age, she's been observed by school democrats and HV, they ruled out asd, they did give me support on how to deal with her shyness and obsessions and she's much better now at 4.8
I think the 3-4 years stage is hardest of all, however he does seem very bright, 100 piece puzzle at that age is quite advanced.

[Ellieboolou27]

Democrats bloody phone!!!
School senco

[KW89]

Ha was going to ask what a school democrat was! Thank-you for the reply. I have my younger sons 2 year developmental check coming up, so will speak to HV then. He is a Sept baby, so doesn't start primary until Sept 2018, preschool don't seem concerned. It's funny somedays he seems fine to me, and other days I'm convinced there is something wrong.

[hayleyB79]

I agree, go with your gut instinct. I am also concerned about my ds 4.4 and plan to phone the doctors tomorrow and make and appointment. He is painfully shy, highly emotional, doesn't like change but also jumps up and down a lot flapping his arms and humming whenever he's excited or using his imagination.

[Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds]

He sounds lovely.

Sorry - I realise that doesn't help with your question. But he does sound like a lovely kid, Aspergers or not.

[Goldmandra]

I have two DDs with AS and I think you should ask for an assessment although you are likely to be fobbed off at this stage.

Your description covers differences across several different areas of his development although you don't mention difficulties with changes in routine which is generally expected and there is only one mention of a sensory difference in that he is a fussy eater.

Neither of my daughters struggled at pre-school but both found school hard to manage, DD2 right from day one of reception.

You might find it helpful to keep a diary of the things your DS finds difficult each day and how you adapt your family routines to meet his needs.

If he isn't assessed now and you continue to feel concerned, you can ask for another referral at any time.

[smu06set]

Have a read about the triad of social impairments. To be diagnosed they need to have difficulties in all three areas. You will probably be fobbed off for a year at least before anyone will put you on the list for diagnosis. Warning - some areas have very long wait lists, we had to wait almost 2 years.

[degustibusnonestdisputandem]

This could have been me as a child, and I'm now about to go through the process of getting a diagnosis (at 38). I was exceptionally bright too, reading early, teaching myself multiplication from a book, severe shyness and anxiety (now realising the hideous nightmares I had as a kid were probably another sign...). I think trust your instincts!

[degustibusnonestdisputandem]

Oh I forgot to say, another thing was plans being changed. This sent me into a blind panic (still have trouble coping to this day!)

[Blossom789]

Doesn't sound hugely ASD- no speech delay, theory of mind evident in his concern for the dalmations being upset, main thing that strikes me is he's a little shy and uncertain. Have a chat with hv they'll be able to unpick it with you.

[KW89]

Thank-you for the replies.
It is his shyness that worries me most.

A couple of other things I thought of...

He doesn't feel the cold, if I put a long sleeved top on him he rolls up the sleeves even if it's freezing!

He doesn't like different foods to be touching on his plate- won't eat them if they touch.

I will see what HV says.

[Goldmandra]

He doesn't feel the cold, if I put a long sleeved top on him he rolls up the sleeves even if it's freezing!

My DD2 refuses to wear long sleeves too. The school staff really struggled with her refusing to wear her school jumper under her coat. The sensory discomfort of sleeves is far worse than any cold.

He doesn't like different foods to be touching on his plate- won't eat them if they touch.

That's very common in ASD.

[KW89]

Thanks Polter, I just did the M CHAT tool online, and he came up low risk.
Will still mention to HV though, see if they think it's anything to worry about.

[BrieAndChilli]

It's very hard at this age to tell.
You say he got upset because the puppies 'looked' sad. Typically people with ASD find it very hard to work out and understand how people are feeling.
When DS1 was that age he hated talking to anyone, even if his grandad came round or another relative who he sees all the time/loves to bits he would run upstairs screaming if they spoke to him and would take about half an hour for him to warm up to them.

A lot of things you have mentioned are like DS was - excellent at puzzles, early reading, interested in everything etc BUT that could just be that he is smart.

How does he react if he is playing / engrossed in something and you then tell him to get his shoes on because you are going out? Or if you are planning to go somewhere /have something for tea then you change your mind?

[KW89]

I normally give a five/ten minute warning before we go out, so he knows it's almost tidy up time, and has no issues with that.

Change in plans don't seem to bother him, might have a little whinge if he really wanted to do something and then we can't, but nothing major that I'd be concerned about there.