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Been away for Easter and feel like nothing we do makes our children happy!

(22 Posts)
Honey1975 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:49:38

We booked a last minute weekend away for Easter as we've had a lot going on recently and wanted some quality time as a family.

DC's behaviour has been pretty awful and it's been a stressful weekend instead of the happy time I wanted it to be.

DS is 9 and is basically not interested in anything that is not an electronic device. He's moaned that the places we've been to are boring.
He is rude to us but especially me and is moody and frankly selfish. He has spent most of the weekend winding his little sister up resulting in constant bickering.

DD is just 5 and is quite demanding. She has started to copy DS's rude behaviour and is becoming a bit of a little madam.

I really wanted this weekend to be quality family time but instead it's been an exhausting upsetting nightmare!

I feel like I can't do anything to make my kids happy. Can anyone relate or offer any advice?

Wolfiefan Sun 16-Apr-17 19:51:38

Stop wrapping yourself in knots trying to please them. They are old enough to have some say over family activities but not to dictate everything.
Your post is all about them and how awful they are. Nothing about what you do when they misbehave. What consequences are there?

JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 16-Apr-17 20:13:29

When you say you've had a lot going on, have you all been busy or have there been stressful events affecting the children too?

If he says he's bored, what do you do? If mine say they are tired I usually offer them a really mundane task, for example hoovering the stairs and say, or we can carry on with this, it's your choice. Think they've only said they were bored twice grin

Floralnomad Sun 16-Apr-17 20:16:07

Well where did you go ?

ineedamoreadultieradult Sun 16-Apr-17 20:19:27

Where did you go and what did you do? I was dragged around pretty market towns, castles etc when I was a child and told I was rude if I said I was bored.

Dozer Sun 16-Apr-17 20:20:49

Where did you go?

Brighteyes27 Sun 16-Apr-17 20:28:35

Don't beat yourself up sometimes we have the same. We haven't done as much lately due to finances but ours are older and still have times like yours when they play up fighting etc sometimes it's just to get back to the room accommodation etc with their technology!!
On holiday in the summer 12 year old Ds behaved dreadfully to his sister was rude and cheeky to us when bored with the pool two afternoons running. Eventually we got so sick of him we would go back to the room sooner than we would have. But on the second day when we got back to the apartment I locked their devices in the safe for 24 hours explaining you have ruined this afternoon for us and any other holiday maker. I know you have deliberately carried on to go back early so you have more iPad time. But hard look you can sit and read a book and think about your behaviour.
He didn't try this again.
Hang in there he's testing the boundaries and most of them are technology motivated.

Honey1975 Sun 16-Apr-17 20:41:39

We have stayed on a farm (they have liked this) been to caves with a glow in the dark egg hunt (boring they said) been to wildlife park (not boring but general bickering and winding each other up).
They've moaned about the sandwiches we've made for picnics, about what's for every meal, about what we are or aren't doing, when they're going to bed, how much ipad time they can have, just everything and anythingI'm not wanting to sound like I'm blaming them as I'm fully aware that we as the adults need to take control but I think we've just lost our way a bit recently and our family hasn't been a very happy place.

We've been trying to sell our house & buy another and it's been lots of decisions and negotiating and time spent on it by me & dh and I do feel bad that it's been taking over our lives. We thought we'd get away from it all this weekend but it has been hard to unwind I think.

I do try to be a good mum but the rudeness and moaning is getting me down. We have consequences at home; time in room, no xbox etc but it's harder when you're away as don't want to consequence to affect everyone.
Maybe the bad behavior is a result of a lack of proper one on one attention but at times it's hard to give this to everyone as well as go to work, run a home and try and move house. Frazzled just about sums it up😩😫

Honey1975 Sun 16-Apr-17 20:50:18

ineedamore that is a very interesting point you make about being dragged round makets and castles. I too was taken to lots of places like that when I was young and I think there's a part of me that thinks that is what I must also do as that's how I was brought up. Only now am I starting to realise that actually those things are not going to be of interest to my young children and I need to find things that are more suitable. Maybe this
partly where I'm going wrong, I often try to recreate my childhood which probably isnt the best thing!

Mistressiggi Sun 16-Apr-17 20:50:29

They sound just like mine! I've also had a move recently and it does take up so much time that - even if not spent directly with them - leads to me not being relaxed and on top of things. I find the lack of appreciation really hard when it's so rare that we do the things we would really want to do on holidays, if we'd no dcs, we try hard to do fun stuff they will enjoy. I think sometimes even if the 9 year old does enjoy something he still has to say he doesn't, to be cool.

ineedamoreadultieradult Sun 16-Apr-17 20:56:47

I dont know Honey your activities sounded fun but I have learnt to pick a few different ideas on places to go when on holiday and let the kids be in charge for a day each. They sometimes suprise me with what they pick. They love being in charge I will also let them pick eat out or picnin but they only have a set budget so if they pick an expensive place they have to have picnin or if they pick a free activity they can have lunch in a cafe etc. They alsi have to appreciate if they get to be in charge for a day then me and DH also get to be in charge for a day as well.

Honey1975 Sun 16-Apr-17 20:57:27

I agree Mistress that my 9 year old has suddenly changed and doesn't like to admit when he's finding something fun anymore. It's especially uncool to be seen having fun with his 5 yr old sister!

Honey1975 Sun 16-Apr-17 21:00:11

Ineedmore I love those ideas, thank you, I will try to do that in future. I just assumed that I should plan the activities but guess it would be nicer if we all had a say.

MycatsaPirate Sun 16-Apr-17 21:00:37

Mine have been like this and still can be. I call it fun-sucking. It doesn't matter how much effort you put in they still manage to ruin it with their determination to just piss on everyone's happiness.

I think your weekend sounds ace, I'd have loved the glow in the dark hunt and the wildlife park!

No answers I'm afraid, I just hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

FlouncingInTheRain Sun 16-Apr-17 21:01:36

Mine are 13, 11 and 6. The eldest has Autism and youngest social communiction difficulties (we feel ASD). We find that involving the children as much as possible in what we're doing, why, and having a sort of timetable helps them to be more comfortable with whats going on. For my DC they get frustrated and challenging when they feel out of control and unsure of whats going on.

We ensure we schedule plenty of drink breaks and food/ snack breaks. A lot of whingy behaviour in our house can be due to not being fed and watered.

We've just had a few days in Berlin.This is an example of typical day out. We caught the train from airport to hotel, checked bags in, went for lunch walked along to the telecom tower then Brandenburg gate, had a drink/ snack in the park back to hotel to access rooms for a few downtime hours then out for tea.

DS1 had train and underground timetables and helped plan the trip from the airport, DS2 had leaflets for us all on the tower (to busy and costly for us to go up but we looked and took photos), DD at 6 helped pack the snacks and drinks and helped share them out in the park.

They all had maps for the walk and didn't spend too much time moaning so long as we stuck to the plan.

We have to plan becuse of the childrens specific needs but I do think that a lot of children, taken out of normal routine, quite enjoy an element of control in whats going on. Maybe, not down to the details of what flavour juice we're going to have at specific timed snack time that my family have, but to have solid points of refference in any new experience. So for my little break....we're going to Berlin, we're going to travel to hotel, check bags, eat lunch, explore for a few hours then rest for a few hours. There will be wifi but we'd like to show you some of the sights before a bit of tech time.

If you then get moans and groans you can reffer them back to the solid you are going to get down (safe/ familiar) time ..... right now this is our plan.

I also think that emotionally a child whinge is quickly forgotten, by the child. We can carry its emotion for far longer. Its a bit like the mummy bashing when they cry at the nursery door and you feel a bit sad all day. They've litterally forgoten 10 seconds later and are busy playing with all the lovely toys and other children.

If you're a bit exhausted yourself, do you think you're over pressurising yourself for everything to be perfect when really children having a bit of a whinge every so often isn't that unusual?

Honey1975 Sun 16-Apr-17 21:06:29

Thank you Mycats.

Flouncing, yes I thought it would be an idyllic easter weekend break away from all the crap of work, housework & house buying/selling! But because I feel stressed I think I've probably taken everything to heart & ruined it🙁

FlouncingInTheRain Sun 16-Apr-17 21:23:29

wine if only to stop the overthinking. I'd put money on you discussing this break with your DC in a months time and them being full of the joys of it.

Believeitornot Sun 16-Apr-17 21:27:26

You've got a lot going on and I think the dcs will pick up on the general mood. My 5 year old dd gets really cheeky when she needs attention.
Are you using screens to hold their attention when you're busy?

Wolfiefan Sun 16-Apr-17 21:28:28

This is the second thread I have seen very recently where an OP has had real trouble with kids on holiday and then said we do consequences at home but it's harder when we are away.
Pick your battles. But a consequence every time. Keep moaning about the sandwiches. Fine. They can go in the bin. Bickering. Prevent this by keeping their attention or one adult deals with each child. If they persist then a consequence.

JaneEyre70 Sun 16-Apr-17 21:34:25

We had a few difficult breaks with ours until I accepted that what DH and I enjoyed doing was completely different from what the kids wanted...!! So instead of rural cottages and long walks/castles/stately homes, we booked caravans on Haven sites, let them swim etc and over the years it got a lot better. I did think at times what the hell are we doing but happy kids are far better company than bored ones!! Now we all choose somewhere together and have ideas mapped out of what to do etc. Thankfully now they are older teenagers they're more into luxury hotels and spas etc!!!

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry Sun 16-Apr-17 21:34:52

I also had a childhood jam packed full of museums, castles, days out. I loved it, I come from quite an academic family and it suited me. My DS age 12 has severe dyslexia and those sort of days out bore him rigid, I have learned this through bitter experience!! So now when we go out we still do those sort of days but on his terms. So we go fast, no lingering. I am not allowed to read every label, actually any label. He takes from the experience what he can. So well done to the Coventry transport museum. Fantastic audio and visual displays. Other museums could do much better!

I do feel sad but I have had to learn that a day out as I would totally like isn't going to work for my family.

Sounds as if your trip to berlin was brilliant, I would love to take DS travelling but he has told me it wouldn't interest him so I am leaving it for now.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry Sun 16-Apr-17 21:36:20

Sorry misread who the poster was for Berlin. That sounded successful and fitted needs.

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