tips for screeching and shouting 4yo please?(9 Posts)
Quick back story
My 4yo DC is generally a pleasure, funny, sociable, confident (poss too much so) bright and very talkative.
He's also very stubborn, and inflexible. Sure this isn't news to any other owners of a small child!
What I don't know how to handle though, is this sort of rage he's getting. When he's told something is over / time to go / brush your teeth / turn off cartoons / not having sweets from a party bag til after a meal / time to get out of the bath - absolutely anything and everything that isn't going his way, he goes into this rage.
Not a crying tantrum, but just horrible shouting, temper, flings himself on the floor, etc etc. It's short-lived I guess, but it's really draining.
I've tried being firm and calm and friendly, persistently.
I've tried being stern and issuing short sharp consequences / counting to 3, etc.
I've ended up getting very cross and shouty at times, which of course never helps at all.
This week I've tried saying "if you shout, I'm not going to talk to you at all until you stop." which resolves it eventually, but doesn't avoid him still yelling and rolling around on the floor in temper.
Anyone got any bright ideas? or do i just have to ride this one out?
You can try saying "time to get out of the bath to ...." then when tantrum starts "if you stop screaming we will have time to..."
Show that time wasted screaming on things he doesn't want to do cuts into the time there's things he wants to do.
But yeah - ride it out!
Give a 5 minute warning then say again at one minute so he has time to process it is ending.
If he strops make sure he is safe and then leave him.
I agree with the above poster - say calmly if you get ready now we will have time for ... otherwise you will not be able to.
I used to walk away from mine and tell them to come and get me when they had calmed down and were ready to do what I wanted - then I'd go and get some jobs done/ read/ have a coffee.
They always calmed down more quickly that way than when I stayed with them.
I always said to them I love you very much but this is not acceptable behaviour.
ah yes that's something i've tried a little youarenotkiddingme
Although i've probably been a bit more threatening, iyswim, rather than positive.
i've done more a "well there wont be time for a story if you keep shouting etc"
i will try it that way round for sure
that's really interesting booellesmum
i've used time warnings occasionally, but will try to always do it where it's applicable.
your walk away sounds like a similar thing to my not talking until you stop. i shall combine the two and see how that goes!
he does have a tendency to drag himself after me wailing if i try to leave the scene though...!! gah.
i agree totally about love you but unacceptable. we've been talking about "are you still my best friend mummy" and i've said yes of course, always. he says "even when i'm naughty" and i say i always always will be. to which he says "sometimes i just do things that make you cross". i try to stick to that, and tell him he's not a naughty boy, rather letting him label himself as "naughty" as i'm sure someone once told me that was a good idea.
I agree - it is important they know they are loved no matter what, and that they are good kids that sometimes do something that is naughty.
The first idea that comes to mind is ignoring until he stops. He'll then just tire himself out and still not have the end result he wanted, so he'll learn it doesn't lead anywhere.
When you do have to say no to something try to have a distraction lined up to move him on to asap. If you think about it, being left to mull over something you've just been denied or made to do will probably make you start sulking over it and the feelings will be left to grow bigger & bigger. So after 'turn the tv off darling' could come 'come on, look at this nice dinner/ this toy/ which pyjamas do you want?'
Some children need visual reminders. Lots of 4yo don't actually grasp the concept of 5 minutes. As in they cannot garage what that feels like in time amount iyswim?
Sand timers are great. You can get them from amazon and get 2/5/10/20 minute ones.
So bath can be 15 minutes. When the sand runs out you out the 10 minute one on for him to face it as he gets pjs on.
That also works with the distraction as well.
But yes as you noted above saying the positive rather than negative can be really useful. Save the no and stop for when they actually matter for safety.
So "of course you can have some birthday cake after dinner. Let's put it here ready and waiting for you".
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