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Tantrums, temper and violence

(4 Posts)
Isitnormalfor Fri 14-Apr-17 19:43:43

My toddler is 21 months old and I am getting increasingly worried about his behaviour which has been steadily getting worse for the last few months.

When he is in a good mood, he is sociable, giggly, snuggly and affectionate. He doesn't speak recognisable words at the moment but understands loads and babbles conversations with us with intonation / inflection etc. He is confident when out and about and interested in new things.

When he is in a bad mood, he is impossible.

He has tantrums that are so bad it seems that he completely loses control of himself. He bangs his head on the floor or on objects close to him, seems like he seeks them out in anger to bang his head and then cries because it hurts. He thrashes around and hits his body against things and screams and shouts. He even does this in his cot during night wakings. He is also violent towards us, pulls hair, scratches, pinches, slaps and kicks and headbutts us. He also slaps other children.

The violence can also be to get attention or if he can't make himself immediately understood.

We have tried everything from ignoring it to physically restraining him and stopping him from hitting his head and hitting us. He understands 'no' and 'stop' but understandably completely ignores us when he is having a tantrum.

He can have a tantrum countless times per day and for any reason - not being allowed to do something or a parent not following him immediately for example.

It is really hard, I feel like I am a failure and that he just doesn't like me - he has made my cry a few times hurting me and sometimes he doesn't seem to care at all, other times he will go and get toys and give them to me if I am upset.

Is this normal for a toddler? Should I be discussing this with a GP?

Igottastartthinkingbee Fri 14-Apr-17 19:57:11

Unfortunately this all sounds fairly normal. My DS was at his worst on and off from 20months to 2.5yrs. And DD is also currently in a very similar phase, she's 2.5yrs. They grow out of it but my god it's a very hard phase. By the time my DS turned 3 he was much easier so I'm not sure when the change really happened but it did. I'm looking forward to that day with DD.

Mrstumbletap Wed 19-Apr-17 12:00:13

Yes unfortunately completely normal. My DS was exactly the same and was a bloody nightmare!

I think because they can't talk you can't reason with them yet. But just pick your discipline system, thinking step, time out chair etc and stick with it consistently for the next two years, even if you are at soft play, even if you are at nannys house, even if your are at a birthday party etc. Just a warning, the consequence, and follow through. Every. Single. Time.

I was in the same situation as you, he would scratch me, bite me, kick me, wrestle if we tried to take him away from something, and thought I was getting nowhere. So I posted on here loads, and now my hitting, bitting, tantrum King of a 2 year old is almost 4 and is a really good boy, obviously he can talk really well now so can explain things to me, which is probably 50% of the reason. He goes on the thinking step about once a fortnight now for throwing a toy or something or similar. But that's it.

Decide on your discipline system that works for you and stick with it. You will reap the rewards in 1-2 years.

TaraO34 Sat 22-Apr-17 21:49:59

My god! I read this and thought "hang on did I write this??" Lol.

We have an 18 month old girl who when she's in a good mood is so delightful but she is mostly 60% in a rubbish mood and then we have the behaviour/tants. I'm sure it's an attention reactive thing. She bites, grabs skin, scratches, throws herself on the floor, bangs her head. She can say some things on a basic level but not enough to tell me if something is wrong. It's hard hard going and I fully understand what you're going through. The times I've sat there and thought 'she hates me' and that it's hopeless.

I love her to pieces and she's our world but when people say to me "so when are you having another?" my ovaries get on a spaceship and fly to another planet!

We're riding out the naughty area (yet to get a chair lol).

The one thing I keep clinging to is that they change so much and so quickly so what is a big deal today won't even be a problem in 6-12 months. Just keep swimming...

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