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4yo Behaviour problems!! help!!

(12 Posts)
user1492026125 Wed 12-Apr-17 20:47:05

Hi everyone, I was just hoping for some advice really. I have a 4 yo son who really is such a loving caring sweet little boy but just lately (past few months) he has become a quite uncontrollable. He is not violent in anyway and i know he does not want to hurt people but just lately especially at school he pushes, punches and is really rough with the older children. not necessarily with younger children its with older boys. Part of me thinks he does it to try and fit in with the older ones but even if we go to a soft play area/park I literally cannot take my eye of him. It is severely affecting his school life, he has to be kept in the classroom at breaks and supervised at all times. The teachers have started a star chart etc with him which I know he understands but he just cannot keep i in his mind to remember to not play rough etc. Everyday at pick up I have the teacher telling me he has done something, I am so worried they are becoming more and more unable to cope with him too. It feels like they are becoming increasingly unsupportive. Selfishly this is really getting me down, at home I cannot rest for 2 minutes, i feel like I have a toddler again, he does silly things without thinking of the consequences. He suffered with glue ear for the first few years of his life but has had grommets fitted (2015) which have helped him and his last hearing test 6 months ago was perfect. Academically he is average he is in reception and is learning to write his name however everything he writes is backwards, once reminded he corrects but again he needs constant reminding. He does not play with anything..ever he just leaps and runs around the house. I try and sit and draw or play lego but he looses interest within seconds. It is also affecting his sister (8) too as he does not want to play with her he just likes to aggravate and annoy her and my time is taken from her alot.. I know this can be typical children but I honestly worry this is so much more. My mum came to visit today and she is normally way more patient than me but she even struggled today. I am normally very patient but honestly I can feel it running out. I hate shouting at him but cant help myself lately. We have had no family problems, myself and my husband are happily married and I (hope) we offer a stable happy life. It is getting to the stage I cannot even take him out through fear of him misbehaving. Sticker charts work for couple of hours/days and then he soon forgets. The only other issue is that I don't really feel like my husband understands, he sees it as "ah hes just a boy" and he sometimes finds some of his actions 'funny' not to his face but he doesnt see the seriousness of it. I dont like throwing conditions/names around but I am debating taking him to the doctors to be observed- I am so sorry for the long post but im not too sure who else to speak too.
Can anyone offer any advice?? Literally any would be amazing! smile

JiltedJohnsJulie Wed 12-Apr-17 22:03:51

Sounds totally exhausting. I'm assuming you've tried all the usual things like cutting out sugar, putting himto bed earlier and making sure he has a huge amount of exercise?

What are the school doing apart from stickers? Personally I wouldn't be happy with him being constantly detained. He needs to let of steam, learn to play and get fresh air and exercise probably more than the other children.

DoItTooJulia Wed 12-Apr-17 22:12:38

Has he always been like this at school? (I realise he's only been there since September)

Does he do much physical stuff? I have 2 boys and ds2 needs to be physically worn out every day. (Ds1 wasn't like it, so I don't think it's a boy thing as such-just that some kids definitely need to run off that extra energy) and I agree with pp-I can't see how keeping him in and copping him up further at school is going to help at all. Have you had a meeting with them yet?

flowers it sounds very difficult.

DoItTooJulia Wed 12-Apr-17 22:13:00


Chinnygirl Thu 13-Apr-17 08:33:23

Can you let him run a bit before school? Even if it means getting up earlier?

cece Thu 13-Apr-17 08:37:31

I would be reading up about ADHD.

StiginaGrump Thu 13-Apr-17 08:38:26

If it's the bigger kids is it because he finds them stressful? If school keep him in a smaller calmer environment is it better?

My mini beast was like this and he improved so much with a very gentle teacher who let him hang out with her nurture group and some little ones who he helped out with. He found other children stressful and it made him upset ... it was that simple in the end.

CheckpointCharlie2 Thu 13-Apr-17 08:40:58

The SENCO at school needs to start getting involved and observing him, collecting evidence and offering advice to the teacher.

Did he show any signs of this before he started school?

Goldmandra Thu 13-Apr-17 20:11:56

The SENCO at school needs to start getting involved and observing him, collecting evidence and offering advice to the teacher.


There is no point in the school continuing to try to change behaviour they don't understand. They need to be carrying out detailed observations and asking other professionals for their opinion too.

They absolutely should not be losing patience or being unsupportive. If he is struggling in the school environment, they are responsible for that and need to work out what changes they need to make to help him.

It sounds like it may be worth asking for a referral to a community or developmental paediatrician to consider further assessment.

Lowdoorinthewal1 Thu 13-Apr-17 20:23:13

I think you've had some good advice here.

I would say (while you unpick the problem):

At least an hour of outdoor exercise everyday, more if you can manage.
Some exercise on way to school- maybe walk with him carrying a backpack with a few big books in.
No sugar- reduce gluten
Fish oil supplement
No screens
Social stories like the 'Hands are Not for Hitting' book
Appointment with GP
Appointment with SENCo

Wolfiefan Thu 13-Apr-17 20:27:16

If he punches then he is violent.
You're right to say he's just a boy or finding it amusing is no bloody help at all.
Have school suggested anything underlying it? Any assessments done or strategies put in place? Just telling you what he's done won't stop him doing it the next day.
YY to exercise and getting outside.
Can they direct his playtime away from okder kids or get him involved in a game that won't require pushing etc?

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 13-Apr-17 23:12:03

How are you tonight user?

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