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9 year old very possessive

(6 Posts)
Feellikerubbish Sat 08-Apr-17 23:30:15

My 9 year old son doesn't like sharing, he has improved a lot since he was little but I am noticing he is still very possessive over his belongings.

He'd sometimes share really well and other times would rather face consequences than let a friend share his things. He had a friend sleepover and his friend wanted to play a particular game on his console and my son didn't want to. I tried everything but he wasn't listening and I even said I will take games away for a week if he doesn't share and he said he'd rather not have it for a week than let his friend play that game. He was happy to play a different game.

He has some paper cranes hanging on his bedroom ceiling. Some have fallen off over the year and left just the piece of string hanging. So I pulled the empty strings down and accidentally pulled a crane down. He got so upset Nd cried and shouted at me and demanded it goes back up even though I couldn't reach the ceiling. I told him his dad will do it once he's off the phone and he went mad demanding I go and tell him to do it right away. He said it might be a paper crane but meant lots to him!

We went away and he had a go at an arcade game which have him a few tickets. Although we were on our way to leaving and the few tickets would not be enough to exchange for anything, he hated the ideal that I mentioned giving it away to someone else playing who could add to their ticket collection. I persuaded him to do it but he was so angry with me after!

Anyone else facing similar issues and have any advice? I'm really struggling to deal with this behaviour that comes across selfish. Tonight he was over tired and I know this can make any kid or adult more grumpy and over reacted but on days when he has had enough sleep, he still behaves this way but just not as bad as tonight.

citychick Mon 10-Apr-17 02:37:04

Hi OP,
I have a 10 yr old DS who is very territorial.
I am quite territorial too so I know where it comes from.
Is anyone in your family the same?

I just have to remind him all the time about sharing. There must be books on it you could buy him, or cartoons on YouTube.

Sharing, being kind, looking out for others...we are all a work in progress.

Is he particularly young for his age?

Kleinzeit Mon 10-Apr-17 08:43:05

One thing you can do is talk to him before an event to give him time to prepare mentally. "If you want to invite Johnny over to stay, then part of that is that he can play any of the games in your room. So is it OK for him to play <favouritegame>? If you don't want him to play with that game then we will have to put the console away in another room before he comes. Because that's how having guests has to work." You may also have to explain that the guest gets to choose what they play, or that they take turns to choose, or whatever rules you run.

With something trivial like the tickets, rather than tell him he has to pass them on explain the situation and ask him if it's OK to pass them on to someone else. Leave it up to him. It may work best if you ask him what to do about spare tickets at the start of the session rather than leaving it til the end.

The trick with territorial people (I'm one myself!) is not to "order" us to share. That just makes us more territorial.

The paper cranes is a different thing. That's just frustration and there's probably not a lot you can do about it. Make a few sympathetic noises and then you you may just have to leave him to blow himself out.

I was an awkward cuss myself so now I sympathise with my own mother grin flowers

Kleinzeit Mon 10-Apr-17 08:46:10

PS If the game isn't visible on the console then you could just say he has to put that one game away beforehand, not the whole console. The aim isn't to punish him, it's to teach him the rules of hospitality which is if the guest can see it then you must offer to share it!

Believeitornot Mon 10-Apr-17 08:48:57

Why does he have to share all his belongings?do you have respect for his things?

In terms of sharing, let him make the choice to let other people "borrow" stuff but remind him it is still his. I'm actually very generous but I don't like people taking my stuff without asking!

Ask to go in his room and ask if you can remove stuff. Don't just do it, even if it seems like rubbish to you. These are his things and it isn't for you to judge.

I'm quite territorial because my things and space were not respected as a child.

Feellikerubbish Mon 10-Apr-17 09:44:27

Thank you all for your advice.

I think I do have a problem with bossing him about and expecting him to share all because I share well and so does everyone else in our family.

I will bare it in mind to give him more respect rather than pushing him to share since I see why this can make him not want to share even more.

We have friends staying over for 3 nights from tomorrow and I will ask him to put away what he wouldn't like to share.

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