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How can you encourage generosity in a child (aside from modelling behaviour)?

(8 Posts)
Irritationcity Fri 07-Apr-17 19:30:20

My nearly 6 yr old DS, only child, has been a fucking nightmare over sharing trading cards for a certain game. He is given loads by relatives, spares from friends who have duplicates, and yet if he has duplicates, he simply can't bear the idea of giving to his best friend. He said he'd rather rip them up.

It's bizarre. He shares his toys easily, he's very welcoming, but there are flashes of refusal to be generous. Yet, we constantly encourage it, we run an open house and are very hospitable etc. I share everything with him.

Any thoughts? I don't want to penalise him by taking stuff away, as that is as arbitrary as rewards

user1491572121 Fri 07-Apr-17 22:59:57

Here's the thing though...why should he give his cards away?

They're his cards. If he's swapping doubles then that's different but just being expected to give his cards away is unreasonable.

He shares his toys you say and that should be enough. I have a lot of fabric...I collect it. I have some doubles. I wouldn't give them away. I'm not unkind though. I just love them.

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Sat 08-Apr-17 10:41:26

He sounds like a pretty generous kid. He just doesn't like sharing those cards (my guess would be that having lots of them is a playground status thing). Meh.

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Sat 08-Apr-17 10:42:44

And it's lovely that you share everything and have an open house - but maybe he's just a more private person than you and wants something to just be his?

I don't mean to sound critical btw - you sound lovely as does he.

GraceGrape Sat 08-Apr-17 10:50:20

Does he particularly want the duplicates, or is it just the idea of sharing he doesn't like? If it's the latter, could you go along the lines of talking to him about how happy his friend would be, maybe with a bit of role-play?

Fingalswave Sat 08-Apr-17 10:55:09

I think I must be a mean mother because in this situation I would not allow my DC to receive spares from friends who have duplicates if he refuses to give his own duplicates away.

Irritationcity Sat 08-Apr-17 22:30:12

Thanks all - food for thought. I'm sort of with Fingalswave on this

user1491572121 Sun 09-Apr-17 00:41:34

I think I misunderstood the OP. I didn't realise he was happy to take spares but not happy to give his. In that case I agree that he shouldn't be allowed to accept spares if he can't give them in return.

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