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Behaviour/poss mental health/PAD/ camhs no help

(7 Posts)
user1491473243 Thu 06-Apr-17 11:11:50

Hi, I am hoping someone out there can give me advice as I don't know what to do any more! My son is 9 and at the beginning of last year, he started to have these meltdowns, these only happen at home!!!!!!!they were angry and sometimes violent, throwing things, screeching and screaming and shouting at us, this had never happened before! Once he's in this kind of mood it seems to spiral and he seems quite sad, once he's had one we generally know they are going to happen again soon as he seems to get down and then everything that happens afterwards seems magnified, if he makes a mistake or something doesn't go right, he gets very upset because he's in this black mood!
He had a lot of change in the months leading up,to this, teachers kept leaving and then he ended up with 3 teachers teaching the class a week, not very stable! We went to camhs got turned down and reapplied and eventually got seen, they were checking him for ADHD, autism etc as he has got a few strange quirks thst we mentioned and also for we felt the trigger of meltdowns was usually when we asked him to do something! Camhs saw him for few weeks then came to the conclusion that he may have autistic traits, possibly have low self esteem and anxiety and then basically told us they could no longer help. During our time st camhs, I felt I could see a little improvement but once they said they can't help us, it all kicked off again. Basically the things he does that worry us the most is the meltdowns, they are normally quite intense and frightening, my son says he doesn't like it happening, he's scared and he wants to stop, along with this when we tell him to do something it's like we haven't said it, sometimes we could say get your pjs on please 20 times and then it can cause a meltdown. He cries or grizzles everyday and meltdowns are quite frequent! After my mum did some research she found this thing called PAD, has anyone heard of it or have any advice, when I read the symptoms it just felt like it was him. I would suspect he has some autistic traits, he has very set ways and ideas about things, can get upset if you move something out of the way, has some issues with eye contact with adults, food very picky and can't mix things up has to eat each food separately, likes to put things in lines. He is a very intelligent child and has always done well st school but it does seem to be affecting his work now, he just seems to give up and homework is such a battle and often leads to meltdowns. On top of this he sets the bed which he has always done but he was on meds which stopped it now the meds seem to have no affect so I'm changing the bed sometimes 2-3 times a night. I'm so worried about his state of mind and along with everything else, I'm just exhausted and don't know where to turn!

Loobyloo1982 Thu 06-Apr-17 18:02:56

I'm not sure I can say anything really helpful just hang in there. We went through an awful time, like you, when my daughter was 7. She was angry, and had these awful meltdowns where I would have to hold her to stop her hurting herself or damaging things. We went to camps who said low self esteem, anxiety etc. She is very clever so brill at school work but not great with the social side of school so her school were fab and got all these professionals in who spoke to her but couldn't really do much. She is now 10. She still has meltdowns but they are reducing. She has buscopan for when her anxiety is bad but she seldom takes it now. Just wanted to say hang in there. I felt like worst mum in the world (still do sometimes) but your not alone. Weighted blankets may help during a meltdown, maybe could your gp refer back to camhs for breathing techniques. Also of anxiety there are loads of good books on Amazon for kids to complete so they can explain how they feel better. Hope this helps a little xx

Goldmandra Thu 06-Apr-17 18:56:43

Do you mean pathological demand avoidance?

If so, you may find that it isn't recognised by the professionals in your area. Many don't.

Demand avoidance is an aspect of autism and PDA can also be diagnosed independently or alongside ASD.

Demand avoidance tends to be worse when a child's anxiety is raised for other reasons, e.g. struggling with the social/sensory environment of school.

There are some facebook groups you can join for parents of children with PDA whether diagnosed or not. Some aren't very complimentary in how they discuss their children's behaviour but, if you try one or two, you should find a good one. Other parents can help with strategies to manage behaviour and minimise anxiety.

user1491473243 Thu 06-Apr-17 23:09:29

Thank you, yes did mean pda but couldn't work out how to edit thread! I will def look on fb! I had never heard of it but my mum found it and it seems to fit. I'd just like someone to tell me this is what's wrong and this is how you can help your son, it all seems to be possibly this or that, no definites!

user1491473243 Thu 06-Apr-17 23:11:06

Thank you, I'll have a look on Amazon! Camhs aren't interested as they don't class him as being bad enough 😩 X

Kleinzeit Fri 07-Apr-17 12:07:09

Some of us whose kids have meltdowns and PDA/autism/anxiety find Ross Greene's Explosive Child book and his Lives in the Balance website very helpful. And you may find other parents on the Mumsnet Special Needs groups.


Goldmandra Fri 07-Apr-17 17:21:55

Also remember that not having a diagnosis of PDA does not prevent professionals from recommending strategies known to work well for children with PDA.

A professional making good clear quantified recommendations can be worth more than a diagnosis.

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