Super Nanny(6 Posts)
My DD is only 1 year old, so asking in preparation really.
Just been watching super Nanny and interested in what people think of her techniques. Does the naughty step/naughty room work?
I think those techniques are unhelpful and border on abusive at times.
Putting a child on a naughty step and proving that you can keep putting him back for longer than he can keep getting off it just proves that you are stronger and more determined than he is. It doesn't help him to understand or communicate his emotions and it doesn't teach him any strategies for managing them.
Behaviour can only be effectively managed if you understand the cause of it. Once you know the root cause, you can often change it, thereby removing the need for sanctions. If punishing children really worked, nobody would have to keep doing it over and over again.
I have cared for an awful lot of children as an early years practitioner and I can promise you that patience, empathy and communication are the keys to behaviour management, not rewards or sanctions.
You might win one battle by using a naughty step to exert your will but that's all. All you gain is something to threaten the child with. Who responds well to being ruled by fear?
Children do benefit from being removed from situations in which their emotions and therefore their behaviour are out of control. That removal needs to be to a place where they feel supported to learn to calm themselves. You can then reflect together on the situation to build on their skills so they may be able to manage the situation differently next time.
Don't sit them on the naughty step to be labelled and humiliated. Sit with them on the bottom stair and work the problem through together.
Ask questions so you understand why the behaviour is happening and to guide the child through working out the solutions for themselves.
I used to work in one setting where one practitioner told the children off non-stop from the moment the arrived to the moment they left. She constantly took toys away and used sanctions. The behaviour the children offered in return was negative and largely unmanageable.
In the same sessions, I used to drip feed praise and appreciation just as persistently. If asked the children to stand in a line and then found someone to thank for standing so quietly, the whole line would be silent. If she asked them to stand in a line it was mayhem.
All behaviour is communication. Listen to what your child is trying to communicate by their behaviour and think carefully about what you are communicating by yours.
I'm a fan of Supernanny as are my other parenting friends, I would dearly love to send her in to sort out DB & SIL. Her methods work very well in the family home - it's not really comparable to the childcare setting described above.
To be honest, if you're watching now and taking note you'll probably have a well behaved child anyway. You need to bear in mind that she goes in to sort out the parents/parenting, not the children. Don't ever let it get as bad as you see on the TV. As long as you set out to be a parent, set boundaries and stick to your rules you'll be fine.
And if you do decide to take the 'naughty chair' approach, start early and don't make it an actual chair/stair or whatever, just move the child away and sit on the floor - the floor is always there!
I used the naughty step when my kids were younger and found it really helped. It gave me time to calm down and the child time to calm down too. I agree with explaining why behaviour is unacceptable to children but I also believe in consequence for bad behaviour and reward/ praise for good behaviour !
I also used the separation at night technique, when my ds was 3. He went through a phase of not wanting to go to bed. To me it seemed like an anxiety thing. I used her gentle approach of moving away from the bed a little further each night ....it took 2 weeks to get out of the bedroom but I had a happy, contented, relaxed boy at the end of it, that has never since had as problem going to sleep.
The thing about SuperNanny is that she's going into extreme situations where the parents have been struggling for a long time. Any consistent approach that the parents are supported to implement would probably work.
I don't like the naughty step/time out concept, and we don't use it. I prefer the kind of approach in the Toddler Calm book, similar to what Goldmandra explained.
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