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DD 3 refusing to come after nursery

(9 Posts)
MauvaiseFemme Mon 03-Apr-17 18:16:11

DD is 3 and it takes me almost an hour to get back from nursery which is a 10 minute walk. Firstly she never wants to stop playing so it takes ages to convince her to leave. Once we've left, we walk past a park where there are always other children from nursery so she then wants to keep on playing.

I'm happy for her for play for five or ten minutes whilst I chat to the other mums but after that I want to get home. But she just won't listen. I've tried pretending to leave. I've asked nicely. I've tried being firm. But nothing works.

Tonight she spent 30 minutes in the park and I had to end up chasing her and grabbing her to carry her off. She hit and bit me and I ended up angry and told her off .

I don't know what to do. It's embarrassing having this fight every night. I do feel happy that she's so settled at nursery but I feel so drained watching at least 5 other parents come and go whilst i try to cajole DD to leave.

Any advice? I'm started to dread pick ups.

Bettercallsaul1 Mon 03-Apr-17 18:35:01

Could you enlist the help of the nursery staff, OP, and perhaps ask them to get your DD into her coat and shoes just before you arrive? It's amazing how much more co-operative children will be for the staff, rather than for their mums! It needn't be for long - you could just explain to them that this is a difficult patch and you'd appreciate a hand.

I think one problem is that, because you've got into the habit of stopping for a chat with the other mums while your DD continues to play for a while, your arrival is not, at the moment, a signal to stop playing and leave. I think perhaps you need to introduce the idea that your arrival = immediate departure, even though it means sacrificing your chats for the time being. Children (especially of this age) are strong creatures of habit and you need to introduce new ones.

Also, is their a different route home you can take that bypasses the park, so it simply isn't there to go to? The park visits every day have also become a habit and you have to reintroduce them as an occasional treat rather than an everyday event. Good luck!

Bettercallsaul1 Mon 03-Apr-17 18:36:22


MauvaiseFemme Mon 03-Apr-17 18:57:03

Good advice there thanks.
TBH I'm not even bothered about the chats, the mums are nice but we aren't friends.
I will try another route home even though it's further to walk but may take less time in the long run.

BackforGood Mon 03-Apr-17 19:22:41

I think you need to 'be the parent' here. She's 3! Canny enough to know by now that you don't actually mean what you say - it will only get worse the longer you allow it to go on.
If need be, pick her up and carry her, or take the buggy and strap her in. It won't take long of you demonstrating you mean what you say for her to understand that, and it will make your life a WHOLE LOT easier over the next 15 years, if you establish that now.

Crumbs1 Mon 03-Apr-17 19:24:48

Stop persuading and start being more directive?

StringyPotatoes Mon 03-Apr-17 19:40:31

I'm afraid you're going to have to get tough. There should be no "cajoling" or "persuading" a 3yr old. You're the parent and you set the rules.

As a PP said, children like routines and your current routine is "I ignore Mummy at home times for as long as possible. Mummy tells me it's home time but I don't think she means it. She says 10mins but it's much longer than that."
Break the routine by avoiding the park for a week - even if you have to carry her home literally kicking and screaming.
When you return to the park, get down to her level and say "We're staying for 10mins, Martha. When I say it's time to go, we go."
Give her a 5min warning, then a warning every minute until home time. Call her. If she doesn't come you go and physically get her. It's really hard, but eventually she will get the message that there's no negotiation and that life is easier if she listens the first time.
Once you know she'll come straight away then there can be some wiggle room for "well, okay. I cans see you're playing a good came with Jenny so we can have another 5mins" but until then you have to be the one in charge.

Trust me, other parents will respect you for it. You won't be seen as "the mean parent of that terrible child who screams when it's time to go". They're far more likely to look at you with envy and think "Damn. I wish I had the guts to get so tough in public"

MauvaiseFemme Mon 03-Apr-17 19:50:43

Thanks , really appreciate the advice. I need to be stricter yes. It's just so hard when she's fighting and as I'm pregnant I can't run after her. All the more fun for her. Tough time tomorrow night; no arguments.

BellyBean Sat 08-Apr-17 16:11:53

Could you connect leaving promptly from nursery with having time to play at the park, but only 10 mins. I find giving a countdown then when at 1 min saying quick, how much playing can you do in 1 min?! DD runs around like crazy then knows it's time to leave.

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