Dummy withdrawn- heartbreaking(12 Posts)
My dd is 3 on Tuesday and has always had a dummy and loves t it's such a comfort for her. Tonight we have decided to put it in a box and the fairy will take it away and return with presents on Tuesday. She was very excited about this and fell asleep fine. But now she's woken and coughing like mad and sucking on nothing! She's crying out and hands are routing around looking for dummy. The thought of her being upset in bed upsets me and I just want to give it to her. I've even tried to convince dh I'll just withdraw it through the day before night times but he wants to stick tonight out. Has anyone got any advice or experience with trying to get 3 year old away from dummy
We took our 3 year olds away at Christmas but we gave him a lot of time to get used to the idea - for at least 3 months we told him it was happening and reiterated it every night at bedtime when he had it.
He had his last one on Christmas Eve and hasn't had one since - and he's been totally fine, hasn't asked for it even once.
Was she prepared for it before today? Sounds like she might not be ready to go cold turkey just yet.
You just need to stay strong. Put it in perspective. It's a lump of rubber. She isn't hungry or thirty or cold or ill.
I'd go in and give her a cuddle (her in her cot) and say shhh it's time to go to sleep. Lay her down and leave. Then leave her for five minutes and repeat but just doing shhh then lay her down and leave. Then ten minutes later just a cuddle but not speaking.
I know it's so hard to listen to your little one crying and your natural instinct as her mummy is to go soothe her and resolve whatever is making her cry. But if you give in now then next time it will be even harder as you have basically shown her crying will get her what she wants so it will last longer.
In my experience part of the time dummy withdrawl fails is when parents worry.. It really doesn't take long for them to get used to no dummy but now needs to learn to self soothe herself to sleep.
I would of had the present for in the morning 2 sleeps can be a long wait in a 3 year olds world.
You can go in sit with her stroke her , whatever you think will help her resettle.
When we withdrew the dummy I timed a few drives to coincide with bedtime (for nearly a week) Was much easier as she didn't get upset and she forgot about it a lot quicker too. I am a single parent and value my sleep and chill time. Couldn't cope with the drama!!!!!
It's hard when they are upset, but if you give in and give her dummy back it will be a lot harder next time you try.
Sorry if this isn't much help but this is what we did with ds aged 2 very recently. We began by taking it off him at breakfast whilst he was distracted but give it back if he really needed it. He gradually stopped asking for it but we took it up at bed time and just left it on his bedside table. He never ever used it and each morning would hand it back. After 3 days we stopped taking it to bed and now he doesn't have it at all. We have had problems as he's been very whingy and he knows he's missing something. He's done 2 weeks without it now but has an ear infection so yesterday I gave it back to him as an absolute last resort .... he practically threw it back at me 😂😂
So just a thought could you but take it gradually and kind of make it the child's choice to give it up? I always imagined giving Charlie's to the fairies but we haven't had to go down that road. May make it less stressful for everyone x
You've just got to be brave and stick it out!
remind yourself that it's short term pain for long term gain - dummies seriously affect speech development and teeth development.
Mine were only allowed theirs to sleep, and I always took them away once they woke up, never let them talk with their dummies in, yet the dentist could tell that they had used dummies!
I wouldn't have taken it away at night before fully weaning them off it in the daytime! My nearly-3 year old still has a dummy at night but hasn't had it during the daytime since he was under 2.
Personally we tried dummy fairy a while back and it was a huge mistake - I feel that he still needed it at night. In the morning he was devastated that he didn't get a present from the dummy fairy because he'd insisted on having the dummy back that night. Okay, I suppose it was our fault for "giving in" but I do believe in letting them have some autonomy and I couldn't refuse him a comfort he'd had his entire life and wasn't willing to give up yet.
I am waiting for a more opportune moment... perhaps a birthday or a holiday or something.
I don't think there are any bad effects on teeth or speech when they only have it when falling asleep at night.
Fwiw, my daughter had her dummy at night only until she was about 5, at which time she just grew out of it and decided herself to give it up. She always has been a high energy girl and doesn't sit still for long but dummy and bunny just meant relax now.
I would let her have it back, if she's only using it at night and it's comforting what's the harm? I'd just let her have it for night time. My dd and ds had dummies for night time until they were ready to give them up themselves.
I went cold turkey with my 3yo DD a few weeks ago and we had a painful few nights without it but it's the best thing we did and I think she'd agree. She gets on so much better without it and now when she finds one (of the many lurking around our house ) she turns it in to me. It felt cruel at first then I realised how great things were going without it. My we one only had issues for 3 nights and each time was better than before. Hang on in there ... Give her a cuddle but don't go back on your word!
In my experience you really need to withdraw daytime use first. It's too much to go cold turkey
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