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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Son has been sent to first Aid twice this week and being bullied

26 replies

Bananaknickers · 07/03/2007 17:44

What to do now. He was kicked so hard in the stomach today that I can't touch it. He had his arms bent back and was punched in the back on Monday( only just discovered this tonight). He has wanted to be off sick every morning this week. He is quite mature really and has just told me he is sick of being a punch bag. You have to make an appointment to see his teachers. I feel like keeping him of until then. Someone who came to his birthday party a couple of weeks ago was vile to him the whole time is now having his own party at the weekend and ds is not invited. He is so upset. How can I make it better?

OP posts:

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ivelostmyboobsboohoo · 07/03/2007 18:00

oh god poor you and how utterly awful for your ds. feeling so for you both. i cant offer any advice really apart from trust your instincts and personally i would keep my ds off school for foreseeable future if he was suffering in this way. nobody should have to go through this. how old is he? not that his age makes it any better or worse just wondering where he is at school ie what would he miss of class?

JanH · 07/03/2007 18:06

God there are some nasty kids out there

Bk, I would keep him off tomorrow, ring the school first thing, tell them exactly why you are keeping him off and that you need to speak to his form tutor now, not in a few days.

If his form tutor can't speak to you then head of year, or deputy head, or head. Don't let them try to fob you off.

Good luck - your poor boy, and poor you too

Bananaknickers · 07/03/2007 18:39

He is in the juniors ( year 4 ). He has been going to this school since October as we moved house. He had a day of last week because he said he was unwell and he did spend alot of the day in bed. He is just so not with us at the moment i.y.k.w.i.m. just not himself. If I am brave enough I will keep him from school in the morning and call them. He has never not wanted to go to school

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JanH · 07/03/2007 19:10

Oh he's at primary school? Blimey - you'd think they would have taken more notice of why he went to first aid then, but then I suppose he didn't tell them, did he, poor lamb? How big is the school, Bk? What is playground supervision like?

I still think you should keep him off, and phone the school to explain why and that you need to speak to his class teacher urgently, ie on the phone during the day or face-to-face after school, and that you're going to keep him off until you have spoken.

You need to ask to see their bullying policy too. They will have one. If secretary/teacher aren't helpful ask to speak to the head.

Lizzer · 07/03/2007 19:29

Bananaknickers, my heart sank when I read your message. you HAVE to get him out of that school, it's not acceptable that the school hasn't done something about it. I would keep him off til you find somewhere nicer to go...If the school is supportive then perhaps it can be stopped but don't forget he'll be with these awful children all through school, maybe up to 16 if they filter through to high school...Can you imagine how bad it could get if they are this horrid at this age? completely appreciate the school may have behaviour management strategies in place but they don't work AND its your CHILD that's suffering. You can't change other peoples backrounds and reasons for their anger etc....You can change school.

DO NOT let him go to school til you've spoke to teachers, he should be nutured and loved at home and allowed time to over the trauma of this which he's unlikely to forget his whole life. OMG, its made me so I could scream!!!

mumtogusnalbie · 07/03/2007 19:29

I am getting goosebumps just reading this thread - this is just so awful it is beyond belief.
At my sons school they have "families" where a child from each year is given a family and they have get togethers to get to know each other. This gives the younger kids someone older to go to in the playground if they are having trouble.
Maybe you could suggest this and ask if your son could have an older child to look out for him at playtimes etc.
You have to speak to the teacher (or deputy/head teacher) asap and please don't send your child back to school until you have. Your child is obviously in danger at school and it is not right.
Good luck and I will pray for you that you get this sorted out.
xxx

Piffle · 07/03/2007 19:35

Oh god memories
My ds had an horrendous yr in yr4 and 5
Here is what I did after teachers and the head etc passed the buck and played it down as playground
Kept him off school
Notified the Head as to why and asked for an immediate and urgent appointment, asking to see the schools anti bullying policy
Now unauthorised absences cost the school dearly on ofsted reports, put the onus on them to sort it out.

They did sort it out at ds's school, he never got popular but he did stop being attacked.

Bananaknickers · 07/03/2007 20:24

Thanks for your support. I am going to keep him from school in the morning. His tummy is still sore to touch ( must of been some kick).JanH he did tell the first aider.I am angry that the school hasn't told me about it.

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suedonim · 07/03/2007 21:08

I'm at this, BK. I'd also be taking ds to the doctor to have the injuries noted and I'd also be thinking about contacting the police, even though I suspect Y4 would be too young for them to do much about it. Hope your ds gets some relief asap.

Lizzer · 07/03/2007 22:13

Yes Bananak, suedonim is right, get an emergency appt at docs tmrw. You need to make it real and I know you prob won't want to do that to your ds but it IS real and needs sorting out.(ps if they refuse a child's injury apt they're bad and wrong but pls go to a&e just to get the notes for future ref)

Oh I'm still so angry.. Your poor poor little boy, loads of love xxx

DrMarthaMcMoo · 07/03/2007 22:24

This is just awful - poor little boy. I really hope you can sort this out for him, Bananaknickers. I think if the school don't take this very seriously I would be taking him out permanently too and looking for another school, as Lizzer suggests. Very best of luck when you go in to speak to them.

stressteddy · 07/03/2007 22:26

Lots of love bananak. Think this is dreadful. Poor you, poor darling boy. xx

hester · 07/03/2007 22:35

Nothing to add, BK; just thinking of you and your poor son. xx

Bananaknickers · 08/03/2007 08:28

I am going to give him the day off today and go in and set up an appointment.I am going to the minor injury this morning too. He is laughing this morning at some cartoons. He seemed relived he didn't have to go in. I will let you know how I get on. He was so popular at his last school, I just don't understand it.

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Piffle · 08/03/2007 09:40

FWIW things that happen in school are generally under the schools disciplinary procedue. But when we pressured the school about ds when he was being assaulted, they called in community constable to talk to the kids about actions and consequences and what would happen if violence became a habit of theirs.
They did this without it seeming like it was ds who had been bullied, it worked well.
Also the policeman did speak to a couple of parents who had "persistent" offenders.

I hope your ds is ok BK, it is gutting and heartbreaking to go through this, you just want to wrap them up and take them away from the big bad world.

Tortington · 08/03/2007 09:43

if my son was assaulted at school - i would involve the police.

it may make the other parent sit up and take notice. - even though any legal action is minimum

RedTartanLass · 08/03/2007 09:50

OMG how awful, awful, awful. I hope you get this sorted, and I'm sure you'll get some great advice from MN. Even though I can't help my thoughts are with you and your poor wee boy

imnot27 · 08/03/2007 09:54

Hello banana, had a friend with v similar situation, the doctor took photos of the injuries, which seems like a good plan. Also, she rang the local authority childrens services and got them involved which created a real stink! Sounds like the school are being abysmal! (probably spelt that wrong!) Good luck, but agree maybe just have a look at other school in your area? We have just moved schools (because of house move) and my ds (year2) has settled fine now, bit wobbly for a few weeks, but definitely worth making the move!!

harman · 08/03/2007 09:58

Message withdrawn

Jillyadoodledoo · 08/03/2007 10:07

BK - poor you. I realise that you may have gone out now, but would like to add this.

My eldest son was bullied in primary school. It was nothing major, but to him it was devastating. Some older boys were trying to trip him up. I told the school and they put a stop to it immediately
Your school really has to deal with this. They must have a bullying policy in place. If you don't get any joy from the form tutor then go to the head of year, then the head, then a parent governor, then the chair of governors. Hopefully you won't need to do any of that and they will take this seriously. Which they should.
Good luck!
I will be thinking of you and your DS.

Bananaknickers · 08/03/2007 11:48

Thank you. I went a minor injury clinic ,but needed to see a doctor.She can't find any damage at this stage so that is good news.

Went into school this morning and spoke to secretary and his teacher. His teacher was on her day off ,but said she was going right there to drag the boys out and question them. They have lost their playtimes for today and tomorrow at the moment.

DS was in the first Aid book.I will make an appointment to see what the outcome is in the morning. I was pleased that they are taking it seriously. The secretary was very good. So we shall see.

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JanH · 08/03/2007 13:10

I'm very pleased they are taking it seriously too, Bk. I hope they will be able to sort it out properly for your DS.

I'm wondering if the vile boy at his party is one of those children who has to be top dog, and if he thinks your DS might take his friends from him, iyswim (I'm assuming he is the ringleader, but realise I could be wrong! Only DS2 had a run-in with a boy like that when he was in Y7, and as a result had a miserable time at school for about 6 months - no violence, apart from an initial duffing up at a sleepover, but feeling outcast and unhappy. It did eventually turn around and the vile one is now pretty unpopular and DS2 has loads of friends.)

Anyway I hope DS is enjoying his break today and that he will be able to go back to school with confidence

crazylazydaisy · 08/03/2007 13:32

I feel so sad for you and your ds. Some kids are so brave putting up with school. My dd1 had this 2 years ago- she was 11.10 and a (over 6 foot)boy punched her on 2 occasions. Where was the teacher? Dealing with another fight at the front of the class . After the first occasion I thought i was going to rip the boy's head off - 9 months preg at the time!- was so angry and frightened for her every time she went in, but the teachers put things in place that we accepted reluctantly. Then the 2nd assault happened and she never went back. I was going to home teach her, but found another school that is brill. It involves a 50 mile a day school run for me but she is so happy and I will never put up with it again. I wish i had done what Custardo said and got the police involved. A few missed breaktimes makes no real difference with bullies like your ds is being hurt by. Hope things get sorted soon xx

anniemac · 08/03/2007 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dolally · 09/03/2007 09:28

soo sad for you banana, and your DS.

Agree with everyone's posts. This situation has to be stopped NOW. ACCEPT nothing less.

This happened to a boy at dd's school in yr 4, after a few occasions the boy's DAD took him out of the school OVERNIGHT and found him another one. He says it was the best thing he ever did.

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