Really worried, can baby be too placid?

[Stickyjellybean]

I'm really worried about the development of my baby girl. She is 14 weeks and physically very strong, always has been but I'm concerned she is lacking cognitive development. She doesn't look at me when I'm holding her, at all. I fact she actively avoids my face when she's being held. She will look at me when she is on the floor or change mat but not for very long. I talk to her and smile and pull faces and only occasionally will she react by getting excited. Most of the time she looks away from me.
She does smile but not very often. If I've been gone from a room for a while she sometimes smiles when I come back in but often ignores me. She loves her play mat and is happy to lie there for ages.

The reason I'm worried is that there doesn't seem to be the interaction there. I see other babies watching their mothers and getting excited and smiling when they pay them attention and getting cross if they are ignored. I know you shouldn't compare babies but I can't help it and we see a lot of different babies of a similar age and a few weeks younger and they all seem more interactive and engaged. I'm worried she doesn't have a good attachment to me or that she has some cognitive development issues. I'm starting to hate meeting up with other mums because of this and after I do I just want to cry. People comment on how laid back she is and how she doesn't need any attention but to me it's not a good thing. I just want her to be ok.

Sorry this is so long, I'm trying to not think about it so it doesn't transfer to her but today I just feel sick with worry over it.

[Stickyjellybean]

I also meant to say she doesn't turn her head towards my voice ever, but she can hear as she startles at some noises (like the toaster popping up).

[MessyBun247]

Have you spoken to your health visitor about your concerns?

[laurzj82]

I would definitely speak to your hv. Any concerns with her hearing?

I hope it turns out to be nothing. I am sure there are lots of placid babies out there who turn out just fine. Can sympathise with the worrying though because i was the same over different issues.

[Stradbroke]

It's a difficult question to answer as you sound very worried about it. It could be something or it could be nothing. I could tell you my experience with my placid baby, but it may just concern you more.

I guess I am asking if you are looking for reassurance that everything will be ok or do you want others experiences (some of which may be that their children have disabilities).

[laurzj82]

Sorry. I missed the part about hearing. Definitely speak to hv. She may be able to reassure you

[Stickyjellybean]

Thanks for replying. I spoke to th HV last week and she said she wasn't overly worried because at the time my baby girl was lying on the change table wriggling when I spoke to her, but that doesn't happen that often. She wasn't sure about her not looking at me when I hold her, she wondered if it's because she has a different viewpoint than lying down, but I'm not sure. She didn't really say anything about not turning when I speak to her.

She does look at things, like she loves lights and will look around the room and we went to a meeting today and she was watching the lady giving a talk. She doesn't seem interested in other babies either.

I guess I'm looking for reassurance but there's the possibility that it isn't all ok and so other people's experiences would also be good to hear.

[MissAdaSmith]

OP, I have a child with atypical development (not saying that this is the case with your DD) but in my experience, HVs don't really understand these issues. I would make a list of concerns bypass the HV and discuss your concerns with the GP.

[picklemepopcorn]

I agree with MissAda. I fostered a baby who didn't react and respond normally. The HV kept telling it was fine, due to prematurity etc. I knew there was more to it. Baby had quite complex developmental issues, in the end, and had all sorts of involvement. Early intervention is good, it offers records of development for paediatricians, and you will get support in how best to stimulate and engage her.

I'd love to reassure you, but it is also possible that you are right to be concerned and are doing a good thing by raising it. The baby I looked after was, and still is, an absolute darling child.

[Tweedledee3Tweedledum]

I recommend getting an appointment with a gp. Health visitors, in my experience, actually have very little knowledge of child development.

[Stickyjellybean]

I'll try to get a GP appointment, I don't want them to think I'm just being an anxious mother and dismiss me though. I guess I was hoping people would come on and say their baby had been like this and turned out to be absolutely fine.

[Tweedledee3Tweedledum]

I worried about the gp thinking that too, but they will always take you seriously.

[Northernlurker]

I think you are right to be concerned. You've clearly done everything you should to build attachment and she's not responding. I think this needs looking at. Hopefully this will get you some reassurance but if not then early intention is a good thing.m

[ButtMuncher]

Don't worry about being that anxious mother, at the end of it all we all have anxiety for different reasons.

My DS was sort of similar in that he didn't really interact much with me at that age - he would look at me, but more often than not he was observed in other things - the TV, lights, the trees outside. He smiled quite late and even now at 28 weeks he's not always laughing like some babies and I have to work hard at times. Somewhere around 4/5 months he started interacting more with me, it was almost as if I was so familiar to him that he didn't need to bother until he really sort of acknowledged people existed. It's strange - but I know what you mean. Some people would say their babies would stare adoringly at them whilst feeding and all I could think of was that my son looked almost everywhere else apart from me!

Even now he doesn't necessarily respond to his name but I know he can, he's just a bit lazy and independent.

Everything you are worrying about is okay to worry about - but if you do have concerns, definitely talk to your GP - I agree with bypassing HV because in my experience the breadth of their knowledge really only extends to saying every baby is different etc etc.

[Stickyjellybean]

Well, can't get a GP appointment until next week. Until then I just seem to be analysing her constantly rather than just enjoying her. She's generally a content little baby she just doesn't seem overly bothered by me :(

[picklemepopcorn]

Some babies are just very very laid back. Try not to worry. Look out for baby sensory activities, make a big deal out of bath time and any activities she enjoys. Be really over the top with her, see if she responds. My friend's baby didn't look at her when he fed, he was looking all around and kept falling off the boob through sheer nosiness.

[Aria2015]

I think going to your doctors if you are worried is a good idea. To hopefully make you feel a bit better though, my lo was like this (he's 20 months now). He was super laid back and only seemed to interact with me if I was changing his nappy and he had nowhere else to look. He also made me work soooo hard to get a smile! I had to do some crazy noises and faces for him to even think about smiling. He started to improve and interact more from about six months and now he's a super happy, smiley toddler who shows me lots of love and affection. All I have to do is look at him now and he'll smile (much less work lol!). Hopefully your lo is fine but always best to see a professional to put your mind at rest.

[AprilShowers177]

You're totally in your right to feel anxious.. your her mum it's our job as mum to pick up on any concerns. Nothing will change overnight, try to park your worries as you can't do anything, all you can do is enjoy playtime with your little one. My DS is 10 weeks, he looks and me and gives wonderful smiles when we play when he's lying down- only when he's in a playful mood though- when I hold him he's too busy looking at other things rather than me.

[Stickyjellybean]

You're right, I'll try not to worry and just enjoy her. She did give her daddy some smiles today after not seeing him all day and she loves her bath so we make sure we make a big deal out of that. But I will get a GP appointment when I can. We've had a slightly better day today so I'm feeling a little better about it, but we're meeting some more babies tomorrow so I'll probably be back to worrying tomorrow night!
Aria- he sounds lovely! I'm hoping she gets more smiley, she's described as serious quite a lot because she doesn't respond to people smiling at her.
April- that's what I wonder about my little one, whether she's just too interested in other things.

[AprilShowers177]

Sounds like you've had a great day! Don't pre-empt tomorrow.. I bet in a few weeks your little one will be doing things your friends babies aren't... then if youre anything like me you'll be back asking if baby is too advanced!

[Tweedledee3Tweedledum]

Hi op, any news? I hope all is okay.

[TheCakes]

It sounds like you are doing all the right things, and she sounds like a lovely baby but I understand your concerns.
Even if she has non-typical neurological development it isn't necessarily a bad thing. DS2 is top of his class at age 11 and has a nice little group of friends. He has aspergers but I'm confident he'll do well in life, and he's a happy and friendly little boy.
14 weeks is so young though. Just try and enjoy her baby years and flag up any concerns.

[flapjackfairy]

Is her vision ok?
If she is fixated on lights and only makes eye contact in certain positions it may be that she is not seeing you to engage.
Worth getting it checked and just because she can see big things or people moving doesnt mean she can see well close up and if she cant it will delay her development .
I have a visually impaired child myself and it can be hard to diagnose.
Hopefully all will be well op though so just a thought.

[Stickyjellybean]

She does seem to be getting a bit more interactive and responsive. Still not if she's being held but if she's lying on the floor she will respond and look at you more. More smiles etc. but still never turns to my voice.
GP said to come back at 6 months if she's still the same and take it from there. She didn't say there was nothing to worry about which I suppose I was hoping she would. Not sure how to check her vision, she looks at books and toys close up so it seems as though she can see those but not sure how to tell?

[Blossom789]

Sounds like gp was helpful and your DD is making progress which is the main thing. What your doing with toys is spot on for checking vision. I sat the other day eating breakfast at the table and DS was in the swing and was looking right at me in the way he would if I was closer that's when I realised he could really see further. I'm trying to think if he smiles when being held.. many of the smiles come from playing so he's much more interactive when lying or in swing.

Are you comfortable with the games you play together? I bought a book called baby's first skills it breaks down month by month their stage of development and give game ideas- they don't vary hugely but I find it useful as a point of reference. Wouldn't use it as a bible and exactly what baby should be doing more of a guide. E.g.. spend time copying DS noises and pause as if having a cinversation, sing nursery rhymes with actions.

You still sound full of worry, do you have friends/ family that are supportive?

[Strugglingmumm]

Hi Stickyjellybean,

I think I’m you a couple of years down the line... Are you able to give an update on your little one?

Hope you’re both doing ok.

Thank you so much.