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Possible Asperger's assessment, 10 year old

(3 Posts)
Temporaryanonymity Wed 29-Mar-17 09:56:26

My DS is 10 and has always had the most shocking tantrums at home. He has never displayed these at school and teachers have always been rather disbelieving when I have told them about his behaviour at home.

This year he has a fantastic teacher who just gets him. We were chatting yesterday about his difficulties in building friendships with the class and his gradual refusal to wash, which has resulted in a terrible smell. I have tried everything to get him to wash but he refuses and I can't physically force him.

He has become more and more difficult to parent. This morning I tried to get him out of bed from 7.30am onwards. He eventually surfaced at 8.15am and spent an age preparing his breakfast. I am obviously happy to prepare his breakfast but he likes it prepared in a certain way:

Toasted white bread, toasted in a sandwich maker
Not to too toasted
Butter melted on the toast whilst still on the sandwich maker
Butter covering every single milimetre of the toast

Everytime I have prepared his toast he has complained about it, sometimes leading to huge tantrums.

He has loads of other quirks, and as a lone parent I think I have made some of these worse by just allowing him to go with it as it makes life easier. For example, he will only do some things in certain ways and I just let him as it means I get to work without putting up with a tantrum. Others are:

He won't wear anything other than joggers
He won't be cuddled, hugged or any other display of affection
When we bump into people we know he won't say hello or anything like that. He just blanks them (to be fair he is getting better at this after a few years of coaching)

He has one good friend from his old school but has struggled to form friendships. He can be very rude and unkind to his brother (2 years younger) and also to me. He has become very difficult to live with. He is very quick to tell us when we have done something wrong. For example, last night he made a huge fuss that his brother still had his ipad after lights out but had spent the last hour refusing to get in the bath. Things like this are really getting me down and as I said, I am a lone parent.

This morning we were late for school because he just would not get ready. I have tried encouraging him nicely and firmly but by 8.45am (school starts at 8.50am and is 7 minutes in the car) I am pretty much shouting at him constantly and stressed out.

The other day he burst into tears after school pick up because instead of driving straight home I needed to stop at the shop. He actually wanted me to drive him home, and then go back out, so he could go straight home.

Anyway, yesterday his teacher asked if he had ever been assessed for Asperger's and I agreed that he should be. I don't know whether the type of behaviour I have described is typical of Asperger's or whether he is choosing to behave in this way. Either way, I am at the end of my fucking tether. I just want a son who will get out of bed, get dressed when told, eat his breakfast in whatever way it is prepared and go to bloody school on time. Obviously I want more for him than that....

What suggestions do you have for dealing with him? Annoyingly, after 9pm when I am exhausted and needing time on my own he turns into the most pleasant, chatty and adorable child. After sleeping he turns back into Mr Stroppy. Mornings are Not Good.

AprilShowers177 Wed 29-Mar-17 17:46:53

Why don't you research a bit more about autism and Aspergers- to be diagnosed you have to have evidence of the triad of impairment (google it), from your description there certainly seems to be some evidence of this.

With his rigid thinking using autism friendly strategies would be useful and give you a guide- doesn't matter if he does/ doesn't have autism.

Temporaryanonymity Wed 29-Mar-17 19:11:59

Thank you, I will do that this evening.

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