I am worrying about my nearly four year old daughter. She is my eldest and I am really not sure how much is her age and how much is her being "different" - and if the latter, what to do about it. She seems quite unusual in her peer group - more highly strung, intolerant and nervy. I am looking for some advice as to whether this is "just" a variant of the standard pre-schooler complexity, or whether it feels like something I should be consciously managing (perhaps thinking about some sort of assessment in due course?). I am generally a fairly chilled out parent- there is just a nagging doubt that she is a bit unusual and I wonder whether she may need extra support. I should say she is wonderful - creative, funny, caring and a fab little person...but being her mum is exhausting at times. Sorry for the long post - just want to give a full picture. Some observations...
-fussy about clothes. Tends to only want to wear her current "favourite outfit" (which changes every couple of months). Tolerates nursery uniform ok. Gets stressed out if clothes get slightly wet or dirty and wants them changed straight away.
-dislikes parties. Hates entertainers. Wants to do free play with a helium balloon not sit and watch magic tricks etc. Finds parties too noisy. After a while says she is bored and wants to leave. (None of the other kids seem to be like this). Copes ok if given 121 adult company. Generally intolerant of new/busy places.
-hungry for adult attention all the time. Won't play alone at home. Won't really play with other kids at play dates unless I sit with them and "facilitate". Separates fine for nursery but at home can't bear being in same room as adults who are having a conversation not about her- comes and interrupts, more than peers do.
- very slightly "off" in social interactions - doesn't seem to have real friends at nursery (though friendly with all and seems well enough liked). Plays well with her younger brother (2 years old) though tends to be controlling and a bit selfish as I guess you would expect. Doesn't seem all that interested in her nursery peers (e.g. took a long time to learn their names). With adults makes "random" remarks that ignore conversational flow. At nursery has a tendency to interrupt/not wait her turn.
-catastrophises everything. When something isn't how she expects it is always a big problem. She gets sad/angry. For example if wrong colour mug. Can be several times a day. "Tantrums" are not terrible (just crossness/crying, no lying down, kicking etc).
-very advanced speech with complex vocabulary and adult turns of phrase used naturally and confidently.
-overall doing "well" at nursery and they haven't mentioned concerns except a tendency to interrupt and being slightly a loner. They think she is confident (?!)
-eats and sleeps very well
So... am I over-reacting and PFBing (is that even a word?)? Or is there likely to be something else going on beyond just being three years old? In many ways of course it doesn't matter, but it feels relevant to things like school choice and to how much "extra" support to give her with some of this.
Really open to thoughts of any kind. I know there are many wise heads here. Have hesitated a long time to write this post - I know I sound paranoid about her and like I am looking for problems. She's wonderful whatever. I just wonder how much to listen to the little worried voice I keep hearing in me...