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Anxious 6 year old girl

(9 Posts)
KJSa Mon 27-Mar-17 14:38:29

My older DD is coming up 6. She has a lot of anxiety in her and this comes out at the moment about her hair (mostly) and clothes. In the morning she has proper teary meltdowns and frustration if her hair is not perfect- meaning lying flat and straight - her hair so you know is a short bob and is wavey/ curly and thick.

I don't know how to make this better for her. Any advice on boosting her confidence so she's better equipped to deal with these emotions please??? I'm lost and do t know how to make it better...

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Mon 27-Mar-17 14:40:27

How about a girls world head thing to play hairdressers? She can learn there are lots of ways to do hair and it doesn't have to be perfect!! My dd learned to do her own hair with one and is inventive with her styles!!

KJSa Mon 27-Mar-17 20:11:28

That's a good shout. Could try that. I think it's also how to deal with her level of anxiety. Less about her actual hair and more what it going on in her head to tumble into rage and distress over something minor...

I'm not against a dolls world head though !

Nicotina Mon 27-Mar-17 20:43:55

Does she have any hobbies or could she give a new sport a try - climbing wall/archery. Most sports do taster sessions.

Lalaloopsyscaresme Mon 27-Mar-17 20:47:50

My 5 year old dd gets hung up on similar things, her hands have to be 100% dry after washing and she gets upset if any part of her uniform is out of place. I don't necessarily think it's anxiety, there's just some things she likes to be in control of.

What does your dd say when you sit down and ask why she gets so worked up? I tell and reassure my dd that it's ok if things aren't perfect, but she is a perfectionist which is a trait from my dh (although only in his job he would never be that way with her)

Believeitornot Mon 27-Mar-17 20:49:00

Is she picking up this anxiety from home? Has someone said something to her?
I would try and tackle the root cause.

BakingWithPreSchoolerand6YO Mon 27-Mar-17 21:10:25

If she's having meltdowns wanting hair to to flat specifically I wonder if someone's said something to her at school about her wavy hair and she's demanding flat, "perfect" hair to avoid nasty comments.

My 6 year old DD can get anxious quite easily. She was much worse when she was five. We got her a worry eater toy, a tiny notebook and special pencil - she'd write down her worries in the notebook, tear out the page and "feed" it to the worry eater. I'd check the worry eater every night after she'd gone to sleep to see if she was worried about anything and then I tried to deal with whatever the issue was. I knew she didn't need it any more when she was writing me notes like "hi mummy can I go to the toy shop"
This is the one we had
http://www.brightminds.co.uk/sorgenfresser-worry-eater-polli-junior/p3049?source=froogle&utmsource=froogle&utmm_medium=comparisonshoppingg_feeds&utmnooverride=1&gclid=CjwKEAjw8OLGBRCklJalqKHzjQ0SJACP4BHrshLREzjgdlpFmdFQrwdNN_a4Zaob-lo9NxjFvrR0RrBoCNrww_wcB

I also got DD to do some activities after school away from school to give her an opportunity to make friends in a different environment so school friendships aren't the only friendships she has - takes the pressure off at school. The activity itself is a sport that has helped her build confidence as she's kept trying and got gradually better at it, gaining certificates.

The other thing we've done that should have been obvious but it was my mum who mentioned it to us - we'd ended up with DD5 and DD3 going to bed at same time for a while as DH's work meant he wasn't always home for bedtime. It meant Storytime all together before bed so no chance for either DD to get some 1-1 time, therefore a missed chance for DD6 to chat about any worries. Moving bedtime earlier for both DD's (I let it get later as hoped DH would be able to come home in time) meant DD5 got more sleep which really helped. Both girls would get into pyjamas at same time but then DD5 would read or draw while I got DD3 into bed and read her a story. I then would cuddle up with DD5 and read to her before she went to sleep - giving her chance to have a chat on her own with me before she slept.

Good luck. Anxious melt downs are the pits - for both parent and child.

Nicotina Mon 27-Mar-17 21:20:34

Worry eater sounds like the worry monster we use with anxious dd. It really helped. She's rarely using it these days

BlueChampagne Tue 28-Mar-17 13:43:39

A drama club might give a playful outlet for emotions, as well as being fun, and maybe a different social group.

A friend recommended "Overcoming Anxiety" by Helen Kennerley when DS1 went through an anxious phase, which might be useful adult reading. Wish I'd known about the worry eater too!

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