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5 yr old close to exclusion and dh and I well on our way to developing type 2 diabetes and alcohol related problems!!

(4 Posts)
Petrosmum Fri 24-Mar-17 21:13:40

My ds will be 6 at the end of August so the youngest in his year. He's had his ups and downs at school to say the least.
From scaling the playground fence to run away (whilst in reception) to writing his name on the classroom carpet (year 1) and weeing on the school field (reception) his behaviour has taken a bumpy road. This week he has been generally disruptive in the class along with two other 'spirited' boys whilst their usual teacher was away. They were taken to the headteacher and given a dressing down and the following day each placed in separate classes to work whilst also having to miss break and lunchtime play.
The headmistress spoke to me at length on the phone yesterday and this afternoon collared me to give me an update. Apparently my ds had tried to make one of the other boys laugh whilst in the head's office so as a result on Monday he will miss break. She mentioned she has written a letter to myself and my dh and also stated that if the behaviour continued she may have no choice but to expel him from school.
My dh have spent the evening consoling ourselves with a bottle of wine and a large slab of dairy milk. I am literally at the end of my tether as his behaviour at home tonight has been appalling (calling me stupid- a word we never use, poking his younger out and kicking his 3 yr old brother to mention a few). He has been like this for a couple of weeks- also not going to sleep at night when usually good.
He has always been v defiant and never does what you ask. The main issue is lack of remorse and any punishment given is like a water off a ducks back (words echoed by his head teacher). I always dread weekends and school holidays as his behaviour spirals and any sanctions/punishments don't work and I'm left feeling miserable and isolated.
Dh and I both work for emergency services and work long and unsociable hours ( I only work 2 night shifts a week) but this is all the boys have ever known and given recent events in london, despite ds asking about the policeman who died I don't believe he was affected by the news as his behaviour is consistent
I am so worried. He is such a bright boy but the school will not tolerate disruptive behaviour. I am at the point of wondering if I could pay for him to be assessed by a psychologist just so I can have some advice on how to understand him and deal with his behaviour accordingly.
Any advice or similar experiences anyone? Or recommendations for some kind of assessment for his behaviour? Thanks : )

LivininaBox Fri 24-Mar-17 22:52:27

Well, when I read the first part of your post I didn't think his behaviour sounded exceptionally bad. Yes he has clearly played up big time for this cover teacher, but is this a one off or a regular thing? The description of how he is at home sounds worse however.

It isn't good enough for school just to threaten exclusion, they need to get him assessed for any SEN and work with you on strategies to manage the behaviour.

Personally I wouldn't be surprised at kids trying to make each other laugh while getting told off, the head should have got them in separately.

It sounds like you could do with some professional advice. Personally i would cut right back on the punishments. Do what you can to reduce the chance of bad behaviour, eg keeping him and his brother separate more? Try and catch him being good, make sure he feels really loved.

I would get on at school to come up with ways to improve things, not just threatening exclusion

JonesyAndTheSalad Sat 25-Mar-17 06:05:19

Everything Liv said.

A reception aged boy weeing on the field is not out of the ordinary at all. Writing on the completely normal DH did the same aged 6! He got into huge trouble for it and all he remembers is being dissapointed nobody commented on how good his picture was!

He was impulsive and didn't stop to think about consequences.

Is your little boy hurting other kids?

I think you need to get that letter, make an appointment to see the HT and tell her you think your son needs a referral for checking if he has any sensory or processing issues.

Threatning exclusion is ridiculous.

Elizabeth1970 Sat 25-Mar-17 20:57:43

This is a threat - I have many teacher mates and have discussed this topic before and it's incredibly hard to expel from state schools nowadays

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