Did you awful 2 year old turn into a lovely child! At wits end with DD.

[misshoohaa]

My DD (nearly 3) has become such hard work that I am beginning to dread my time with her and I'm hoping and praying that it is just a stage? She doesn't seem to have any major developmental issues other than delayed speech..... but generally just a lot of rage and frustration. We are a pretty calm house, my husband and I are both very laid back and her older brother is completely the opposite, chilled out and very well behaved so it's very out of character for our family, and I find it really upsetting. I just want her to be happy!


DD is just exhausting and whilst we have pockets of pleasant behaviour she spends most of her time grumpily interacting with us. We do loads with her, swimming, playing and lots of positive one to one time and during this time she is a joy - I just want this side of her personality to be the dominant side, rather than the negative side which at the moment I feel is taking over our household.

I make sure she naps, and goes to bed on time with routine but despite all of this she just seems unhappy, it makes me so sad to think that she feels so frustrated! She has got very delayed speech so I am hoping that once this is resolved things may improve, but worry that the slightly miserable disposition that she seems to have will be her character for ever!
Beside the constant whining, she's rude, she hits and throw thing. She won't interact with strangers or other children apart from a few. I take her to groups, where she will get involved very minimally but spends the whole time with a fairly glum look on her face. On the school run she won't talk to the other mums who try to engage, and whilst the other siblings charge around playing with each other, she will stick close to me.

We started nursery about 6 months ago and she doesn't enjoy it, she won't talk to the teachers or children and participates minimally.
Her language is delayed and I really hope that the frustration that I expect she feels is the catalyst for her behaviour but my god it's tiring. She has no patience and will shout and scream at me if I don't get what she wants immediately.

Anyone got any encouraging words or wisdom, I would say our discipline is fairly standard, we do warnings and time out and I refuse to get her things if she shouts and screams, so I don't think we can change much there?

Is this just a stage!??? I really hope so, at the moment I find it so hard to enjoy her, which I feel terrible for saying but it's the truth.

[Pleasejustgetdressed]

First of all

Next - have you been given an explanation for her delayed speech? Does she understand what you're saying? Has her hearing been checked?

[SaorAlbaGuBrath]

I have no advice just wanted to say that my 2 yo DS (non verbal, hearing problems, provisional ASD diagnosis agreed by professionals) has pushed me to the absolute limit of my patience today. I could have cried when he actually fell asleep because since 5am he has screamed, hit, kicked, punched and just generally ignored everything I've asked/said/tried to do with him and I'm exhausted. for you

[Swirlingasong]

I am no expert, but your post reminded me a bit of a relative of mine. He had a slight speech delay and at that age was, to be honest, a nightmare and everything was a battle. His parents also had a new baby and were on their knees, basically relying on grandparents to help with just getting through the days. He is now six and delightful. Still a massive ball of energy and never going to be a child who just sits and colours quietly for hours, but very clever, creative and, when not charging around at high speed, very gentle and caring.

[Swirlingasong]

Have the nursery offered any advice at all? Are they doing anything specific to help with her speech or participation?

[RNBrie]

Me me!! My 5 year old is a delight. She talks too much and asks too many questions but she's the best behaved 5 year old I know - she's very sweet and eager to please and she's doing brilliantly at school.

She is unrecognisable from her 2 year old self. She was speech delayed too, had no words at 2. By 2.5 she would regulalry have such massive tantrums in public I'd have to carry her home thrashing and screaming.

My advice would be to use sticker charts - pick one issue at a time (mine would lose it completely at Bath time. So a sticker for going upstairs without crying) and give them "important jobs" - putting their clothes in the laundry basket or the cutlery on the table or something. Make a big deal about how important it is.

Other than that, it's heads down and push through till 3.5. Be consistent, be kind and always ask them if they need a cuddle when the shit hits the fan.

[Astro55]

Can you check her vitamin levels? Vitamin d can have a huge effect!

I would ignore any 'rude' behaviour toward strangers in play groups - she wants to work out the state of play first!!! Put her next to you so she can watch (make her stand rather than in your lap so you are there but not fully available)

She'll go when she's ready

(Failing that go to see in nursery have any other issues)

[Ohyesiam]

My ds was a lovely happy baby, then at 28 months he turned into a vile monster.
He had delayed speech and always acted frustrated.
Now, at 8, he can still have a temper ( but am just beginning to realise that when he is anxious he seems angry), but is mostly delightful. His teacher lives him, he is a true individual.

[misshoohaa]

Thanks all, I think I am objective enough to see that it is just a stage and she's just a very strong willed little madam who will at some stage lose the attitude a little and allow the awesome part of her personality to shine through. We had such an awful few days but after nursery today she had been a gem so I feel a bit better.

We have seen a speech therapist but to be honest they offered little help, and I can see she is improving so haven't taken her back.... plus I know that she won't actually cooperative with the assessment.... likewise the hearing test, she just wouldn't do the activities that I know they would need her to do (I've been to both SL and hearing with my son)

We'll see how tomorrow goes, she with me all day.... I've tried stickers but she has a massive tantrum because she wants the whole sheet or book, rather than just one.

Feeling better for reading your posts, thank you

[Swirlingasong]

Good luck tomorrow, op. I expect you have tried this, but with regards to the patience, have you tried giving her very simple, clear timetables? If my dc wanted to do say, play doh and it wasn't convenient, saying not now or later would produce tantrums, but if I said 'mummy's hanging out the washing, then emptying the bins, then we can do play doh' and repeated 'washing, then bins, then play doh' generally I got a better result.

Also, she's only two, it's normal for a two year old to decide not to talk to mums on the school run and not everyone likes groups. I have an unusual number of memories of being a toddler and remember hating anything that involved me having to charge round a room with a large group of children who were making noise. I still don't like big groups.

[corythatwas]

I have been told I was that toddler! Am quite civilised as an adult- well, at least I don't go around biting people or hitting them over the head with Santa dolls.

I was not speech delayed, but the opposite: quite verbally precocious. But probably found age 2 very frustrating. If you think about it, it is a very frustrating stage: so much you have just learnt to do, and so much of it gets you into trouble!

[velorbi]

Have to suggest that removing wheat and sugar from your diet might improve behaviour significantly. We have a nearly 3 year old who becomes horrible after eating sugary things. And have look at the aha parenting websites for alternatives to time outing and punishments.

[elizabethdraper]

We have cut out tv completely, it was only really 30 mins when we git home in the evening. The difference real