5 year old a bully?

[Twinmom144]

I am a mom to 5 year old twins. I am a stay at home mom who also has a small daycare with two other kids, ages 3 and 4. My daughter is extremely mean to them. She tells them she doesn't like them or coments negatively on projects or drawings. She is constantly yelling at them to MOVE or telling them to do stuff. She also have a huge attitude in her voice when she talks. She makes fun of them to a point where they will cry. She thinks it's funny, which makes them even more upset. Today as we were taking potty breaks, the 4 year old boy was sithing instead of standing. She made it a point to make fun of him that he wad sitting. Of course everyone was in on it. He cried and I hugged. I was so upset with her that I sent her for an early nap. I could not deal without exploding! She is also VERY bossy! Even if I'm right there and I say "Ryan can you please put you plate in the sink?" She will instantly say something like "RYAN! Mom said put you plate in the sink! Do it!" It's like she thinks she's the boss. I have tried talking to her, taking away privileges, time outs. I can't put up with it much longer, it's mentally draining. What am I doing wrong?

[Witchend]

I suspect the issue is that because she's older and so thinks she's responsible and backing you up. She also wants your acknowledgement of that.

However the bossiness that is something I personally wince on when I hear. I really hate hearing a child repeating orders given by an adult in a bossy way.
What I do with my dc if they do that (older to younger) is if possible take the order away. In the case you give I would have changed it to her having to put Ryan's plate in the sink.

The nasty comments removing her is exactly the right thing to do.

I would think 4yo was too old to be observed on the potty by a 6yo, so she shouldn't be in there though. it's different if they pass by the open door, or similar, no worries there, but by the sound of it she was there for some time, which I think is not ideal.

What I might suggest is can you give her some jobs to do. I think she may be struggling to know what her position is. Is she one of the children, or is she in charge? If she has her jobs (and if you can have helping the younger ones nicely in something it might help) and you have your jobs (which include telling them what to do) and you agree not to do each other's jobs.